Should I choose Man A or Man B?

I have been was in a relationship with a man for three years. I will call him A. We lived together and he wanted to and still wants to marry me. While I started and developed the relationship with him because I was very lonely at the time, I developed feelings for him and to this date, he is my closest friend. The problem that I always had when I was with him was that I was never in love with him. Staying in the relationship felt very emotionally safe and I was happy being with him even though I never felt the “butterflies in the stomach” being with or thinking of him. He felt like a family and I did and still do care about him. And that was what I was looking for – the emotional comfort of having someone next to me who loves me and cares about me.
The missing part in our relationship was the fact that I never felt romantically about him and so two years later, I started sleeping with another man B, which developed into a relationship. I feel in love with B but I have been comparing him with A and this of course has made me see more of his negatives. I am very attracted to him and like to spend time with him. However, when the time came to “go home”, i.e. do every day things, relax and stay home, I would always want to meet with A. A continues to feel like home, like the place where I go at the end of the day to be comfortable, share my day at work, watch TV, or just relax while being silent.
I did not tell A about my relationship with B. Soon, I decided to move out and live alone for some time to figure things out and decide who I wanted to be with. The process of deciding to move out and moving out was very difficult and hurtful. I was and I believe still am in depression about it. I am still keeping in touch with A every day and to be confused as to whether I should marry him. There is so much history between us and I cannot stop worry about him. He continues telling me that he loves me and that he wants to marry me.
I have been seeing with B for almost one year now and he also proposed a marriage to me. The moment he proposed, I started fantasizing how we both will live together and will have children together, and the thoughts made me feel happy. But I also started paying attention to his minuses that I now not like and am not sure whether I would tolerate or accept in a life partner. I also imagined that if we get married, I will have to end seeing A, which made me very sad. So, it has been months now when I have been thorn into the dilemma about whom I should choose. I want to get married and at times I think that if one of them was not in the picture, I would easily say YES to the other one. I am also thinking that if I am confused for such a long time, then the answer to both of them should be NO. However, the thought of not having either of them in my life makes me feel very sad. A gives me love and comfort but I am not romantically attracted to him. I am attracted to B and want to hold him, kiss him, travel with him, have adventures with him, etc. But B is simple, self-centered, immature and often shallow, and when I need a person who understands me and feels what I need and how I feel, I think about A. I feel a very strong connection with A and at times I even feel angry at B that he was the” lucky one” for not making any effort as A made to make sure that I am doing well as I am today.

A: As difficult as this is, you are a lucky woman, indeed, to have two men in your life who love you and want to be with you and with whom you can imagine a future. Although on the face of it, A is the representative of more mature and lasting love, B has the advantage of being the one who makes your heart swoon. Neither would be a bad choice – as long as you committed to the choice you made.

However — I don’t think your problem is who to choose. It sounds like your could be happy with either. The problem as I see it is that you are very scared to make any choice at all. By staying ambivalent and by thinking about the charms of these two men as different but equal, you forestall making any decision. If you delay long enough, one of these guys is going to give up. Then you will have to choose between the one who stayed or no choice at all. Meanwhile, you are being dishonest with both. When either of them finds out about the other, that may decide the issue for you as well.

The common denominator of these possibilities is the result: You avoid making an active choice and taking responsibility for it. Please don’t hear this as a scold. It’s not. It’s intended to provoke you to do some thinking about just what you are doing. I wonder why you are so reluctant to choose. I wonder why taking responsibility for the course of your life makes you stop in your tracks. What has happened in your life that you have reached your 30s so scared of commitment that you let yourself deceive good men who love you?

I hope you will consider seeing a therapist to help you sort this out. Your letter shows you to be an intelligent, thoughtful person who could make good use of some sessions with a sympathetic counselor who would push you to be honest with yourself. You are fortunate to live in a city where there are many therapists. One caution: You could repeat the same dilemma in looking for a therapist; never being able to choose between equally well trained and experienced people. I suggest you talk to your doctor or someone else you trust to get a recommendation and just go with it – at least at first.

I wish you well.
Dr. Marie

Friends with benefits turned into L-U-V”

Friends with benefits — or “FWBs,” as they’re often called — are a hot romantic topic across the pop-culture landscape these days. Many wonder: Can hook-ups and FWBs ever lead to a committed, long-term relationship? According to the most recent Singles in America study (and contrary to conventional wisdom), it seems the answer might be “yes.” In this year’s survey, 47 percent of singles reported having had a FWB relationship in the past (40% of women vs. 53% of men). With a drastic year-over-year increase, FWBs are transforming into long-term romances more frequently than ever before (2012: 44%, 2011: 20%). And 33% of singles say they have had a one-night stand that turned into a relationship.

Those are the facts. But what’s driving them?

Related: How to go from “just friends” to something more

Some argue that the reasons are cultural. FWBs may be more common than ever in our fast-paced world, but the need for love remains one of our strongest desires. While we may step into the shallow end of the pool out of ease and convenience, we soon find ourselves swimming into the deeper waters and forming more profound connections. Others look to science for proof that biology always wins. “A one-night stand leading to love makes sense because of our biology,” says evolutionary biologist Dr. Justin R. Garcia of the Kinsey Institute, who co-authored the Singles in America study. “Casual sex is rarely casual because of the biological and psycho-emotional connections that form [between both people].”

To explore the reasons further, I went in search of the real-life stories behind these compelling statistics. These six men and women let us in on why they think their FWB relationships turned into the committed kind. 

1. “I finally learned to clarify what I wanted from a relationship after my first marriage ended in divorce”
“I was not looking for love after my divorce,” says Marylander Tracy, 37. “Getting out of my marriage had been a hassle, and I just wanted to have some fun. My friends said to ‘be single and mingle,’ so I did — and along came Mark, who is a few years younger than me. It was easy and I felt no pressure, but I was so freaked out about getting into something serious that I kept telling him, ‘I can’t do this.’ Luckily, he was really patient with me. The more I was able to tell him why I was feeling worried and the more he just accepted me and where I was in my life at the moment, the more comfortable I became and the more we communicated — and isn’t that the key to every good relationship? You can probably guess the rest. We’ve been together for a year as a committed couple, and I look at our FWB period as a time of real growth. I learned how to clarify what I wanted in a relationship.” 

Related: What she’s really trying to tell you

2. “Our casual approach allowed us to enjoy a slow build-up towards being in a committed relationship — without all the pressure”
“I’ve had a couple of serious girlfriends, but there was always so much pressure,” says Washingtonian Jay, 29. “At some point, my family (who are pretty traditional) would ask: ‘Are you going to finally settle down with this one?’ I was tired of the hook-up scene, but wasn’t ready to dive into the marriage pressure-cooker just yet — so the only thing I was comfortable with was having a FWB-type of situation with a woman. I definitely got some push-back from girls who figured that I was just another commitment-phobe, but Lisa was different. She was really open to it and seemed comfortable with figuring out what really worked for us instead of giving in to family and society’s expectations. I remember when my feelings changed after six months, and I realized that I had really fallen for her. She laughed when I told her this, and then she said to me: ‘I thought this was supposed to be casual, buddy!’ But after being FWBs for so long, it turned out that she was ready for a more serious relationship, too. It allowed us to have a slow build-up towards something serious without all the commitment pressure.” 

Related: 5 romantic mistakes worth making

3. “Our FWB arrangement was just that — we were true friends who eventually became so much more”
“I always thought of Dan as ‘my fling,’” says New Yorker Kate, 41. “We both work in sales and met each other at an out-of-town conference where we shared a rocking weekend of romance — but we’re both workaholics with super-busy lives. I just didn’t put any stock into seeing him again. We parted ways on friendly terms, but with no plan for a follow-up meeting. I ran into him the week we got back from the trip and we went out for drinks, which was followed by another night of romance. After that, our get-togethers started happening weekly, but they were definitely not what anyone would call a date or on any kind of relationship track. Still, there was something different about Dan. In addition to being a sexy guy who I saw occasionally, he became someone I felt close to — so, our friends-with-benefits arrangement became exactly that; Dan became my real, true friend. And then our friendship blossomed over the course of two years and turned into an engagement. No one was more surprised than I was when he popped the question — and of course, I said yes!” 

Related: 5 bad relationship habits to dump

4. “I responded well to her honest communication about getting into a relationship after my divorce, and we’re exploring our future together”
“I’d recently gotten divorced and was still feeling badly burned by it,” says Californian Bill, 55. “My ex and I had experienced a breach of trust; I wasn’t interested in starting up something new. But sometimes you get tired of being lonely and think, ‘Well, maybe we could just hang out — I don’t have to get emotionally involved.’ I met a woman and told her all of this, and she still wanted to spend time with me anyway. It was refreshing to be able to be so open about where we both were in our lives and not have to feel bad about being skeptical and reserved at first. I responded well to the honest communication we shared. We’ve been together for three years now — happily, I might add! Neither of us feels the need to put a label on our relationship, but there’s love between us. It’s definitely turned into more than just a ‘friends-having-fun’ thing now.” 

Related: Dating clichés that are actually true

5. “He wasn’t the type of man who fit all the ‘must-haves’ I’d had on my dating checklist, but he’s just what I need in a partner”
“I’d planned on marrying my college sweetheart,” says North Carolinian Jenny, 34. “He was from a similar background as my own and we looked like the perfect couple together. But I guess fate had other plans, because he broke off our engagement three months before the wedding. When I was out with some girlfriends a few months later, one of the guys I’d known since high school asked me out on a date. I told him: ‘No, but we could be friends.’ He wasn’t what I’d had on my list of must-haves in a partner at all. He wasn’t the smooth, successful professional type, but I liked his personality, and there was definitely some attraction between us. After hanging out together a few times, the electricity got to us one night, and he stayed over at my place. I really liked him, but I wasn’t sure if this would work out for a few months. Now, we’ve grown pretty attached to each other. He wasn’t the kind of guy I’d have had on my list of potential mates back then, but he is now. Being friends who saw each other casually at first allowed me to spend some time with him and realize the old dating checklist wasn’t so important.”

Related: 6 dating insecurities that keep you single

6. “We met when I was burned out from looking for The One, but after a year of keeping things casual, his patience paid off”
“I was really intense about dating once I turned 30,” says Virginian Todd, 33. “I wanted to stop messing around and find The One before it was too late. My pressure was totally self-inflicted, but it was real. Guys who’d pull the bait-and-switch on dates disappointed me constantly. They’d say they wanted something serious, but then turned into flakes or phonies — or, I don’t know, just not right person for me, I guess. It was when I decided to stop partner-shopping so hard that I finally met Andrew. By then I was too burned out from looking for Mr. Right, and told him I was up for trying something more casual. I look back at that now as my overly protective way of safely sticking a toe back into the dating pool. We were just buddies who hooked up for months at first, but after a year, it became clear that neither of us was going anywhere.” 

Dave Singleton, an award-winning writer and columnist for Match.com since 2003, is the author of two books on dating and relationships. Visit his website, follow him on Twitter, or email him. 

10 Differences Between Girls And Women You Should Know!!!

1. Girls search for rich men while
Woman search for caring and loving men.

2. Girls measure their men’s worth by the size of his pocket; money matters while
Women measures their men’s worth by their level of Wisdom and the fear of God and how disciplined they can be toward their finances.

3. Girls end relationships by breaking up with silly excuses.
Women have endurance knowing that everything happen for a reason.

4. Girls thinks about the present while
Women thinks about the future.

5. Girls love to having many guys going after them.
Women know the law of demand (Cheap things have high purchasers).

6. A Girl takes relationship affairs outside while a Woman keep secrets things secret.

7. Girls demand for money to buy make-ups
Women demand for money to make plans.

8. Girls get hurt by one man and make all men pay for it.
Women know that all men are not the same.

9. A girl is “learning”
A woman “knows”.

10. Girls will read this and get an attitude.
GROWN WOMEN will read this and pass it on to other grown women.

And…..

A real man will drop his comment!

Luxury designer Alexander Amosu creates world's most expensive champagne

Nigerian luxury designer Alexander Amosu has created the most expensive champagne in the world called Taste of Diamonds. The drink costs 1.2million pounds. Converted to Naira it is - N250million, which can get you three luxury duplexes in Lekki. :-)

Amosu created a design which takes its inspiration from the Superman style signature and hand crafted it from 18ct solid white gold weighing approximately 48gsm of solid gold centred by a single flawless deep cut white diamond weighing 19cts. The label is also handmade in 18ct solid gold and weighs approximately 36gsm, handcrafted and engraved with the client's name.

Amosu created the design in collaboration with luxury champagne brand, Goût de Diamants. You can read more about the champagne HERE

People who shouldn’t hear about your love life

Whether you’d like to shout about your amazing new relationship from the rooftops or bellyache about a romance that’s gone wrong, it can be very tough to keep your trap shut about your love life. It’s on your mind anyway, and we can all agree that it’s much more interesting to chat about a horrible date than a summer heat wave or the state of our economy. “People who are dating often spend too much time discussing their new relationships with everyone except for the person they are with,” says Dylan Thrasher, relationship coach and author ofHow to Find and Create Lasting Love. “They should focus on opening up and deepening their relationship with the other half involved with it, rather than people in general.”

Even if you’re sure that sharing your latest relationship angst will lead to instantly bonding and shared laughter with someone, it’s not always good idea to bring it up. Ultimately, you risk looking like a flake and/or getting bad advice instead of getting the desired result. Here, then, is a short list of those who should be kept in the dark about both your crushes and your heartbreak

1. Your coworkers
“Do not discuss [your] love life with coworkers,” advises Maryann Reid, lifestyle expert, author, and creator ofAlphanista.com. “It can become a breeding ground for jealousy and bad advice.” This might seem like obvious advice, but it bears repeating. As people continue to spend more and more hours of the day at their jobs, it can sometimes be tough to maintain personal boundaries that would’ve seemed obvious 15 or 20 years ago. So, resist the urge to spill your guts in the break room or over a long lunch.

“I shared a story from my personal life with a coworker, and she sent out an email telling people my story,” warnsJudi Mason, a life and business strategist in Atlanta and author of the forthcoming book, The Relationship Chronicles: Straight Talk, Real Love, No Drama. “She shared it with people in our office and with people I didn’t know at satellite offices.” While this is an extreme example of how things can go wrong, it’s an important reminder that being professional will serve you well in the long run — and treating your office like a high school hallway will not.

Nils Parker, author and co-founder of Itsuptoyou.net, puts in the final word on over-sharing in the workplace: “Talking about your love life at work also opens the door for unwelcome romantic advances, which hold the potential for following you long after you’ve left that job.” Doesn’t sound like much fun, does it?

2. Your ex
“One person you should never discuss your love life with is your ex,” says clinical psychologist Dr. Julie Gurner. “Whether you share children (and thus have regular contact) or just chat on Facebook, talking with your ex about your love life is setting up your current relationship for difficulties and complications.”

Lori Freson, M.A., MFT, a family therapist practicing in Encino, CA, agrees: “Yes, I know, your intentions are good…you are trying to still be ‘friends.’ Even though you believe you have both moved on, in all likelihood, the emotions are still raw (even if you aren’t aware of it).” Even if your ex asks directly about your current relationship, be vague and change the subject. It can be tough to be evasive with someone who knows you quite well, but if you stick to your guns, your ex will get the hint. It also wouldn’t hurt to say that you’d appreciate it if this person returned the favor by keeping the ups and downs of his or her own love life private.

3. Friends who are unhappy with their own love lives
“Don’t discuss your love life with friends who are unhappy with theirs,” advises Laurel House, author ofQuickieChick’s Cheat Sheet to Life. “Friends who are unsatisfied with the state of their love lives are more likely to put yours down — even when you are excited about it.” It’s possible that your long-single friends would prefer you to stay out of a relationship, just like they have.

Think of the bad advice Bridget Jones’ friends offered up and try to go with your gut instead of manufacturing drama with your over-thinking pals. “Especially at the beginning of new romances, other people’s opinions can have a strong influence on yours,” says House. “I have decided not to pursue really great guys because of a ‘red flag’ my friend [mentioned] that wasn’t a red flag for me. A few weeks later, I still couldn’t get the guy out of my head and I tried to get him back. He was already dating someone else.”

4. Your father
“If you’re a woman, don’t talk to your father about your love life,” says Johanna Lyman, a relationship coach in Cupertino, CA. “No matter how great your relationship is with your dad, he doesn’t want to think of you as a grown woman having sex.” Try to be vague when you talk about your relationships with your father. He’s naturally protective, and even a hint of problems on the romance front will make him dislike your partner. “Don’t bad-mouth your lover to your mother, sister, or best friend unless you are 100% sure the relationship is over,” Lyman advises. “They’ll remember all the bad stuff.”

5. Your mother
“I’d say ‘mom,’ but the person I really am defining is [someone] who knows you super-well and has been around for a long time,” adds Claudine D. Hanani, a business and lifestyle writer based in Southern California. “We all have this person somewhere in the rearview mirror — the one who’s pretty much open to listen, readily shares, genuinely cares for us — but lacks one key ingredient: the ability to see who you are now and where you’re going.”

It’s not helpful to get relationship advice from an individual who still sees you as a teenager or child. The same applies to your lifelong friends; they might remember hearing that you wanted four kids when you were 22 and base all of their advice today on that long-expired goal. That’s not to say that old friends (and even mothers) can’t give good advice — but be sure they see you as you are now before you spill everything and ask for some input.

6. Your in-laws
“I think the worst people to share details of your love life with are your parents or in-laws,” says copywriter and corporate blogger Will Blesch. “I made the mistake of speaking with my mother-in-law about some love-life issues concerning my ex. I thought that since she was my ex’s mother, she would have great advice on how I should deal with a particular problem. Boy, was I wrong! Everything I said got turned around and the conversation turned into a huge, emotionally supercharged misunderstanding.” 

Men: 5 lessons for meeting more women

To the men who are reading this article: There are a lot of women who are very unhappy with you. Really. I know, because as a dating coach, I hear women tell me all the time in the most exasperated tone: “How come I never meet a nice, normal guy? Why do I only get approached by creeps?” You’ve probably heard women say this yourself. So how would you respond to them?

I’m guessing it’s something like: “Nice guys are afraid of rejection, don’t want to bother you when you’re out, and are generally more concerned with the consequences of being embarrassed than with actually meeting you.” It may be true, but, as truth goes, it’s a pretty sad state of affairs. What’s easy to forget is that most women want to be approached by you. By not approaching them, you’re letting them down and allowing the creeps to take their shot. Follow these lessons and the next time you’re out, maybe you’ll prove that nice guys don’tfinish last.

Lesson #1: Assume the answer is yes
Have you ever been sold a product before? Hair tonic, a car, bathroom tile? I can guarantee you that the salesperson didn’t pitch you by saying, “Um, excuse me… I hate to bother you… would you be interested in… I mean, probably not, but—” No! Any salesman worth his commission is not just selling confidence in his product, but confidence in himself. “Confidence says I’m bright, I’m likeable, women have liked me in the past, I’m comfortable in my own skin,” says Victor, 38, a real estate broker. “Since she has to make a decision on the spot, confidence through nonverbal communication makes the best impression.” You can even “fake it ’til you make it” through these two very simple means: Smile and maintain eye contact. And remember: If you don’t know that you’re worth talking to, how would she know?

Lesson #2: It’s not about you
I’m out at a big Hollywood scene with beautiful people. It’s getting late, towards the end of the night, and I ask my buddy Terrance which woman he’s got his eye on. He points to an attractive brunette talking to a cute blonde across the courtyard. Slightly bemused, I tell him that I will make the introduction. As I stride over, I rationalize that if my approach doesn’t go well, she’s not really rejecting me, but rather, Terrance. I know this isn’t true, but it gets me going.

I arrive while the women are in mid-conversation. I say nothing for a few seconds and when they both look at me, I chime in: “You guys just keep talking. I’ll interrupt when I’ve got something interesting to contribute.” And that was it. It wasn’t a line. It wasn’t planned. It just happened. After three minutes, Terrance came over, I made the introductions, and we both got phone numbers. The moral of the story? Playing my little conversational trick in allpick-up situations can be really helpful. Just ask any married friend how easy it is to talk with women when you know that there are no stakes involved. If it’s not about you, you can’t possibly fail.

Lesson #3: There’s power in numbers
Believe it or not, three is better than one. When you approach a woman who is by herself, she knows that you’re hitting on her based solely on your attraction to her. This increases the pressure in a way that doesn’t always make for a comfortable situation. That’s why the safest way to meet a woman is to approach her in a crowd of her friends. Now there’s no pressure, because nobody knows who you’re hitting on, and you can just be the friendly guy who’s chatting with everybody. “If you’re charming, funny or bright,” says Charles, 36, “she might find herself interested in you before you’ve expressed interest in her.” This tilts things in your favor, even to the point where you might be in control. “By charming her friends and getting their approval, the one you like will be that much more open when you ask her out,” adds Charles.

Lesson #4: It’s just that easy
If you ever doubt how simple it can be to meet a woman, this story should inspire you: I was at a party with some close friends and saw an acquaintance across the room. Late 30s, attractive, friendly, likeable. We’d met probably four times before through a mutual friend who was also at the party. When our eyes met, I smiled at her. She smiled back. Because it was a large and crowded room, I put out my index finger and beckoned her to come over to me. She sort of did a double take, smiled even more broadly and came right over.

“Hi,” I said, warmly.
“Hi,” she said, blankly. Then it hit me.
“You have no idea who I am,” I said.
“None whatsoever,” she replied.
“It’s Evan. Evan Katz.”
“Oh, yes — we’ve met! You cut your hair. I didn’t even recognize you.” She gave me a hug. But I had one more important question to ask her before we continued talking.
“Is it really that easy to get a woman to talk to you… just by calling her over with your finger?”
She took a second to consider the evidence and replied, “Apparently, it is.”

So there you have it. We men have more power than we even realized.

Lesson #5: The outcome doesn’t matter
Maybe you’re not her type. Maybe she’s just out of a relationship. Maybe she’s having troubles at work. Maybe she’s not perceptive enough to recognize your worth. You never know why someone may not be interested in you. Truthfully, it doesn’t matter. It’s more diminishing to your self-esteem to let fear run your life than it is to get rejected. Here’s one story below that showcases this in a big way.

So I was in the checkout line at the grocery store, and I was waiting for a woman with 400 coupons. In the meantime, I was talking to the tall, raven-haired cutie behind me. We were making jokes, laughing, passing the time. All in all, a very pleasant five minutes of my life. The coupon lady finished up. I paid for my stuff, said goodbye to my new friend and rolled my cart out the door.

The second I hit the fresh air, I was kicking myself: Dummy! Why didn’t you ask for her phone number? Because I got all embarrassed what with the other people in line and the woman swiping my bar codes. Because of all the other reasons that nice guys wimp out. I decided that this would not do. I was going to wait until she came out of the supermarket and ask her out. And that’s what I did.

“Hey, it was a lot of fun meeting you in there,” I said to her as she emerged with her bags. “I was wondering if you’d like to grab lunch sometime.”

A big smile came across her face. “You are so cute and I couldn’t be more flattered, but I have a serious, live-in boyfriend. But I really want to thank you for asking. You totally made my day.” After she said goodbye, I went home, walking on air, so happy that I did it, instead of wishing I did it, like so many times before. It didn’t matter if she had a boyfriend or if she was lying or being polite or whatever — all that mattered was that I took a big swing at the plate and even didn’t hurt myself in the process.

Five relationship-ending red flags

It’s entirely normal for anyone to feel jittery when getting into a committed relationship — heck, you’re saying goodbye to dating and the single life (at least for now). But if you can’t shake the feeling that devoting yourself to just one person might be a big mistake, it might be time to re-think making such an important commitment right now. Below, you’ll find five scenarios where ending your relationship may actually be a good idea... and doing it sooner could spare yourself from heartbreak down the road:

Red Flag #1: You and your partner have differing views on family
If you love having weekly Sunday dinners with your folks while he’d rather spend them at home watching football (or your sweetie would like to have six kids, but you’re not even sure you want one), these issues won’t likely get resolved — or even slightly change — once you’re committed and cohabitating together. In fact, they’re probably going to become more contentious if you get married, says Patrick Schneid, a dating and relationships coach in Washington D.C. “Many couples enter into a relationship with completely different notions about family — including how they relate to their parents and siblings as well as the future family they hope to have with their potential husband or wife,” he explains. “These couples usually assume that everything will work out because they love each other. However, love isn’t always enough to make that relationship a healthy one. You and your partner must essentially be on the same page about the roles you’d like your respective families to play in your own lives as well as the family you envision creating together as a couple. If you’re on different wavelengths when it comes to these issues, I can almost guarantee your marriage will be a rocky one — if it lasts at all.”

Related: How to know if you should stay  

Red Flag #2: Your partner has a history of being unfaithful
According to Dr. Terri Orbuch, relationship expert and author of Finding Love Again: 6 Simple Steps to a New and Happy Relationship, trust is perhaps the most important and essential aspect of any successful long-term relationship. “When you trust someone, it means that you believe that person tells you the truth, won’t hurt or deceive you, and has your best interests at heart,” she says. “If a betrayal of trust happens, you probably want to take a step back and either end the relationship (or postpone the wedding, if you’re already engaged) so you can see what’s going on with your romance, your partner, or your partner’s inability to be honest and dependable.” Take this time to discover what’s really happening with your beloved and consider whether he or she is sincerely remorseful and apologetic about any questionable behaviors before you commit to being each other’s one and only.

Related: Confessions: 7 reasons why women cheat

Red Flag #3: Your partner’s been caught engaging in risky behavior
It should go without saying that if your partner is routinely engaging in sketchy, scary or harmful behavior, it’s a good idea to reconsider being in a committed relationship with this person. However, many engaged folks believe that these behaviors may abate over time after they’re married, or that their love is enough to inspire their partner to change for the better once they move into their first shared home. Not so, says Dr. Mary Ellen O’Toole, coauthor of Dangerous Instincts: How Our Gut Feelings Betray Us: “If your partner is demonstrating signs of physical aggression toward others, drug and/or alcohol abuse, criminal behavior or other unsavory or even illegal activities, choosing to partner up with this person for the rest of your life isn’t just unwise — it’s actually dangerous.” If this sounds familiar to you, it may be time for you to get out — and the sooner, the better, O’Toole advises, because finding a way to break up now ensures he or she can’t put you in harm’s way later on.

Related: 10 reasons to dump a guy... immediately!

Red Flag #4: Your partner is unable to handle conflict or stress in healthy ways
Before you walk down the aisle together, take a good look at how the two of you manage stress and disagreements. “How both of you behave when you have a disagreement now says a lot about how you will — or won’t — resolve problems in the future,” says Dr. Orbuch. Because life constantly throws curveballs at us, the odds are good that both you and your partner will encounter stressful situations once you’re living together. Weathering those storms in a positive way is essential, says Dr. Orbuch. “If your partner handles disagreements with others (or with you) in a destructive way — i.e., by cursing, screaming, or talking down to the other person — you may want to reconsider whether this is really a future you’d like to sign up for,” she says. “A good relationship is one where the two of you fight fair,” asserts Dr. Orbuch. “My research also shows that you are more than twice as likely to break up over time if you handle conflict in a destructive way.”

Related: Traits unhappy couples have in common

Red Flag #5: Your family and/or friends really dislike your partner
While even the most charming, genuine people can occasionally rub others the wrong way, if the majority of your family and friends think that your partner isn’t nearly good enough for you, don’t assume they’re just trying to give you a hard time (or simply aren’t happy for you). “Often, when people are coming to love from a desperate place — perhaps they’re on the rebound, or worried that this may be their last chance at love before they’re too old to have a family — they choose partners who aren’t right for them,” says Schneid. “The problem is that because they’re seeking love out of a sense of desperation or loneliness, they’re able to convince themselves that this person is the key to their future happiness and therefore overlook that person’s deficiencies (however big or small they may actually be). Sometimes, the only people who can help pull someone out of this kind of delusion are that person’s family members or friends.” So if loved ones that you trust and whose opinions you value highly tell you that they’re not as sure about your choice of partner as you are, listen to them. “It’s worth hearing them out — especially before you walk down that aisle towards spending a lifetime with someone who may not be your true Mr. or Ms. Forever,” advises Schneid. 

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