20 Dírty Questions To Ask A Girl And Túrn Her On

Want to séduce a girl with words? Use these 20 dírty questions to ask a girl over text and you can make her do all the séxy, dírty talking for you! By Gerry Sanders

 

Girls play hard to get almost all the time.It’s a good thing though, or you wouldn’t really think she’s worth the effort.

But sometimes, it’s easier to túrn on a girl than date her. When it comes to dating a girl, she’d instinctively know you’re hitting on her.

If you discreetly warm her up to your flirty touches, you’ll see that séducing a girl can be rather easy if she thinks you’re a great guy.

If you know how to be discreet, you can make a girl fall for you or even túrn her on in just a few conversations. But here, we’ll get to séducing a girl with just 20 simple questions, preferably via texts.

Dírty questions to ask a girl and make her wet

It’s easy to ask these 20 questions when you’re sitting with her, but if she feels uncomfortable or believes you’re trying too hard or going too fast, you may end up blowing your chances. And you’ll have a hard time making her like you again.

On the other hand, by texting a few séxy questions to a girl, you can always make it seem like a joke if she doesn’t warm up to you.

It’s easy, safe and a foolproof way to túrn a girl on from a distance.

Use these questions, and if you charm the girl the right way, you could charm the pants off her and make out with her by the time you reach the twentieth question!

The right questions to ask a girl

Just use these questions and keep the conversation going by answering any other questions she may ask. It’ll all work out in your favor if you play it carefully and stick to these 20 questions all along the way.

And the best part, it’ll work wonders if she’s your girlfriend or even if she’s a flirty girl you have a crush on. Ask her these questions late at night for best results!

#1 Are you alone? This question is perfect to understand if she’s idle and all alone at home. You obviously can’t flirt or talk séx if her friends are around her. Say something bold like “I wish I could be there with you” when she reciprocates with an affirmative.

#2 What are you doing right now? Play it nice and slow. This can help you be certain that she’s alone and bored enough to give you her complete attention.

#3 Do you like cuddling when you lie in bed? Warm her up to a flirty conversation without overstepping the line. This can help open her up by talking about cuddling with someone else.

#4 What do you wear when you go to bed? / What are you wearing? A curious question that’s perfect to ask a girl when she’s in bed already. It’s personal, and yet not too séxual. Say something like “Gosh, I can only imagine how cute you look right now” when she describes herself.

If it’s your girlfriend, ask her what she’s wearing and if she doesn’t mention her lingérie *which she may not without a bit of coaxing*, ask about her lingerie and also the color. A perfect start.

#5 What do you think you look séxiest in? Get her to talk séxual by talking about her séxy clothing. It’s flattering and definitely séxual.

#6 Have you ever watched someone else make out accidentally or on purpose? This question gets both of you in the mood. And yet, by directing it at a third person, you can avoid any uncomfortable situation at the start.

#7 Has a guy ever touched you or discreetly groped you while clubbing or in a crowded place? Girls have a thing about séxual groping. Even if it’s accidental, it’s something they just don’t forget. You can answer something like “I wish I could have been that guy!” after she tells you about an incident she likes.

#8 Have you ever made out with a guy just because you were horny at that time? Find out if she’s a girl who can be coaxed into having séx with a guy in the heat of the moment.

#9 If you had a pair of x-ray glasses, which part of a guy’s body *below his shoulders* would you see first? Time to get naughty. Really, how many things can a girl take a look at below a guy’s shoulders? Let her answer the question so you always make it seem like she’s the one talking dírty and not you.

#10 Do you like boxers or briefs? This is a clichéd question and even if a girl doesn’t care about it, she’d most probably say that she likes a boxer. Answer this question by telling her what you’re wearing. The whole focus here is to get her to think of your package without really making it obvious.

#11 What’s your secret move to túrn a guy on? By asking her to visualize making out with a guy and describe it to you, you’re making her fantasize about séx. And at the same time, she may go into details just to prove how good she is séxually.

#12 If there’s one place a guy should touch you to make you horny, which is that? This goes straight to séx and arousál. And if she does answer this truthfully, in all probability, she’s already arouséd.

#13 Does a massage make you wet? A full body massage makes almost all girls wet. You can always tell her something like “Just so you know, I came first in my masseuse class and I would love to give you a massage. And don’t worry, now that I know you get horny while getting a massage, I’ll linger in all the right places.”

#14 If I kissed your lips accidentally while kissing goodbye, would you mind it? Make her imagine your kiss. It’s a perfect question to get her to pucker up.

#15 Do you like giving an oral or getting one? No matter what she answers, you can always answer with the opposite of what she says. If she likes giving an oral, say you like getting it. If she likes getting it, tell her you love giving it!

#16 How do you think my body would look better, shaved or natural? Isn’t it a nice thought to know that the girl you like is picturing you naked the minute you ask her this question?

#17 What should a guy do to make you wet? Get straight to the sweet spot. And when she does answer this question, talk about question #12 again and get descriptive about her pleasure spots.

#18 If I were whispering all these questions in your ear, would you be turned on? If you’ve got the conversation going this far, she’s obviously wet already. But it always sounds a lot better hearing it from the girl you’re texting.

#19 If you didn’t have a boyfriend, do you think we would have made out with each other? / If I were with you right now, do you think we would have kissed each other? This question can actually get you into her bed, but you need to wait for the last question to get an invitation from her.

#20 If a guy wants to come over to your place and make out with you right now, would you like that? Don’t talk about yourself just yet, unless you already know she wants you to come over. If she answers “yes”, go full speed ahead to her place. Otherwise, play the séduction game for a few more minutes before telling her you want to come to her place right that instant.

How To Kis A Friend And Get Away With It

Ever been tempted to kiss a friend? While it’s alright to get attracted to a friend, it’s not always the safest bet to make a move. Find out how to kiss a friend and get away with it!

Kissing a friend is a tempting proposition.

But unless it’s a mutual desire, it’s best to stay away from such complications.

But if you really do want to get frisky with a pal, here’s your guide on how to kiss a friend, the easy way.

It’s sneaky, but hey, if s*xual desire matters more than friendship to you, why not give this a go?

How to kiss a friend

Have you ever tried to kiss a friend? In most cases, it just doesn’t work out.

Your friend may be shocked, surprised, or may want to stay away from you.

But if you really do like a friend and want to take it further down the path of love, then this piece on kissing a friend may not be appropriate for you.

But on the other hand, if you just want know how to kiss a friend, and then worry about your mixed feelings later, this may be the easiest way forward.

There are a few times when you can kiss a friend and get away with it, and a few other times when it’s just completely inappropriate to kiss a friend.

Firstly we’ll get to the five ways by which you could kiss a friend out of the blue, with no preamble or even a hint that you’re attracted to your friend.

#1 Kissing a friend when you’re drunk

This is pretty much the safest way to kiss a friend and get away with it. And let’s face it, more than half the first kisses between friends use this move. When you’re out with this friend you like or at a party, have a few drinks and wait for the booze to kick in. And once you’re feeling the buzz, use that as the perfect accidental excuse. Try and get the coziest spot next to your friend, preferably an isolated spot.

Start a conversation with your friend and eventually start whispering to your friend. Of course, you’re *drunk*, aren’t you? Whispering into each other’s ears is completely acceptable when you’re high!

And at some point of the conversation in between all the close facial contact, go right up and kiss your friend. The kiss may last a while longer if you’ve built a lot of s*xual chemistry through all the body contact, but even if your friend’s not drunk, you’d still be able to sneak in a quick kiss. And your friend can’t really get upset or do anything about it, after all, you’re drunk out of your mind!

#2 Playing truth or dare

Kissing a friend doesn’t come easier than this. So if you’re ever trying to figure how to kiss a friend, focus on arranging a drinking game like spin the bottle or truth or dare.

Sometimes, you may get a kiss or a lot more than that. But at other times, you may not always end up lucky and another friend may end up kissing the friend you want to kiss. But not to worry, if you didn’t get a chance to kiss your friend during the game, just get drunk and go back to step #1!

#3 Kiss your friend when they’re consoling you

This is a sneaky move, and it’s another common ploy in getting to kiss a friend. Many people use this, and quite frankly, it works very well.

Have you just lost something of value and need some consoling? Everyone needs a friend they’re down and need consoling. So call the friend you like and tell them how *depressed* you are and how much you’d appreciate it if they could come over to your place to cheer you up.

When your friend comes by to your place, snuggle up and hug your friend. Just stay in that position as you mumble your sorry a*s story and explain how depressed you are. At some point, you’d know that your friend’s pretty comfortable with the hug too. Now you can linger your hands on their back or go straight for the kiss. The kiss may last a while, or a few seconds. But if it does last, the kiss could lead both of you into bed and even go a lot further. 

On the other hand, if your friend does take offense, you could apologize profusely and tell your friend you didn’t know what came over you. Yeah right, you effing perv!

#4 Accidentally kiss your friend\

You: Hey, I’m going to get a drink, you want one too?!

Friend: Yeah!

You: What?!

Friend: Yeah, I’ll have one too!

You: What do you want to have?!

Friend: A beer!

You: What?!

Friend: A beeer!!

You: Why don’t you have a Hawaiian Volcano?

Friend: A Hawaiian wha….

You: A hawaiian vol… ummh!

Oops!! *Grin*

Now if you want to know the dirt on how to kiss a friend while trying this, you won’t be able to get a big, wet kiss using this move. But on the upside, your friend can never really point their finger at you, or even remotely accuse you.

So you’ve been clubbing recently? You know how hard you have to shout to be heard over the blaring speakers, don’t you? Almost always, two people who want to have a conversation have to stick their faces together to be heard. If you create an opportunity to create a quick successive series of questions and answers, you can move your face across when your friend’s yelling into your ear, and hey, guess what you just did, you kissed your friend!

#5 How to kiss a friend via text flirting

Now this is a safe way to kiss your friend. It involves a lot of late night texts which eventually lead to sizzling s*xual chemistry between both of you. It’s almost always foolproof as long as you take your time and play it cool. Get this easy step right, and you’re definitely going to do a lot more than kiss your friend. Get this wrong, and it’s still safe for you!

Times when you just shouldn’t kiss a friend

Now that you know the best tips on how to kiss a friend sneakily and avoid any complications, perhaps it’s time to know the times when you should never really kiss a friend.

#1 When they’re being touchy feely

Look, friends can be touchy feely or every flirty at times. But that’s just not enough of a reason to kiss a friend. Unless the vibes are just right, don’t kiss your friend just because they’re cuddling up or holding your hands. It’s risky and can cost you your friendship and the intimacy.

#2 When your friend’s asleep

This is an absolute no-no. As tempting as a sleeping friend can look, you just can’t kiss a friend when they’re asleep even if you’re drunk. There’s every chance that your friend may wake up and think you’re an absolute pervert! And your other friends will have the same opinion too.

#3 When your friend’s hung over

This kind of a situation may work in a pórno flick and it’s a great fantasy too, but it’s just not something you should ever do. You may be really desperate or may have been looking for an opportunity like this since forever, but just don’t do it. There are far easier ways, so why bother with this. It’s just really perverse, and you just can’t take advantage of a friend who trusts your company.

An opportunity may crop up some other day, but never kiss a friend if you find yourself in such a situation. Respect your friend and yourself, because if you do take advantage of a drunk friend, that makes you no different than a rapist.

#4 When your friend is grieving

Now it’s natural to feel physically and emotionally connected when you’re hugging a grieving friend, but don’t use the closure and take advantage of the situation. If your friend makes the first move, then go right ahead. But if your friend just wants a shoulder to lean on at a difficult time, be there for your friend as a friend, not a lusty buddy.

So the next time you’re wondering how to kiss a friend, look no further. This is as foolproof as it can get, especially when you’re trying to get away with kissing a friend!

10 Amazing Sex Positions you should Try!

Have you been having boring Sex? Well maybe its time to switch things up one new position at a time. You could start having more mind blowing intense sex from a position change alone.

There are 33 more intense Positions on this List! To get them straight into your email Box for Free,Click HERE now.

Pretzel dip

How?
You lie on your right side; he kneels, straddling your right leg and curling your left leg around his left side.
Benefit
You get the deeper penetration of doggy style while still being able to make that important eye contact.

Flatiron

How?
You lie face down on the bed, legs straight, hips slightly raised.
Benefit
This position creates a snug fit. Your guy’s stuff will seem even larger.
Bonus
Some shallow thrusts and deep breathing will help him last longer.

G-Whiz

How? 
You lie back with your legs resting on each of his shoulders.
Benefit
When you raise your legs, it narrows the vagina and helps target your spot.
Bonus
Ask him to start rocking you in a side-to-side or up-and-down motion. That should bring his penis into direct contact with your spot.

Face-off

How?
He sits on a chair or the edge of the bed; you face him, seated on his lap.
Benefit
You’re in control of the angle and depth of the entry and thrust. Being seated provides support, so it’s great for marathon s*x.
Bonus
Let your fingers (and hands) to the talking. Once seated, you can put your hands anywhere on your body or his to make things more interesting.

Cowgirl’s helper

How?
Similar to the popular Cowgirl position, you kneel on top of him, pushing off his chest and sliding up and down his thighs. But he helps by supporting some of your weight and grabbing your hips or thighs while he rises to meet each thrust.
Benefit
Less stress on your legs, making climaxing easier. Plus, female-dominant positions delay his climax, so everyone wins.
Bonus 
Alternate between shallow and deep thrusting to stimulate different parts of the vajayjay.

Leap Frog

How?
This is a modified doggy-style. Get on your hands and knees, then, keeping hips raised, rest your head and arms on the bed.
Benefit
Creates deeper penetration—and gives you a chance to rest on a pillow.
Bonus
Use your hands to stimulate your clit.

Ballet Dancer

How?
Standing on one foot, face your guy and wrap your other leg around his waist while he helps support you.
Benefit
Allows for quality face time and connecting.
Bonus
If you’re a Flexi Lexie, try putting the raised leg on his shoulder for even deeper penetration.

Cowgirl

How?
You kneel on top of him, pushing off his chest and sliding up and down his thighs. You can relieve some of your weight from his pelvis by leaning back and supporting yourself on his thighs.
Benefit
By being in the dominant position, you’ll delay his climax and intensify yours.
Bonus
Discover new sensations for both of you by widening your knees or bringing them closer to his body.

Corkscrew

How?
Near the edge of a bed or bench, rest on the hip and forearm of one side and press your thighs together. Your man stands and straddles you, entering from behind.
Benefit
Keeping your legs pressed together allows for a tighter hold on him as he thrusts.
Bonus
Instead of letting him do all the work, try thrusting you hips slightly to match his tempo.

Wheelbarrow

How?
Get on your hands and feet and have him pick you up by the pelvis. Then grip his waist with your thighs.
Benefit
Aside from being a fabulous arm workout for you, this male-dominant move allows him deeper penetration and an amazing view of your assets.
Bonus 
Try resting on a table or the side of the bed and give your arms a break.

There are 33 more intense Positions on this List! To get them straight into your email Box for Free, Click HERE now.

8 Ways You’re Turning Your Woman Off In Bed

Gentlemen! I know you’re probably thinking you don’t do these things I’m about to list out but before you say that with confidence go through them and be sure. Sometimes you men are so used to doing these things and getting away with it that you barely know that it’s a huge turn off, and depending on who you’re doing the do with, might deplete the experience for both of you.

Here are the biggest ways you could be turning a woman off in bed without even knowing it.

Bad Grooming

Just like you like it shaven or at least well kept down there, so do we women. No one wants a jungle stick scratching and pounding our juice box. Aside from it being unattractive, it actually makes things kinda uncomfortable and itchy. Do us a favor will you? Trim it down a bit or better yet, clean shave it.

Acting out like those Movies

Yea we get it! Most men got a lot of their skills from blue films, but that doesn’t mean you’ve turned into Mr Marcus & the woman you’re sleeping with probably isn’t Jada Fire either, so tone down all those extra actor moves and find out what exactly your partner likes. Not every woman wants to be hanging upside, sucking your thing, or having your juices sprayed in their face. That’s a no no.

Talking too much

Who’s your daddy? Whose ish is this? Tell me you like it?  Yea Yea Yea, please just shut up. A few words here and there is good, but constantly talking while doing it can be a huge turn off for women. I mean, are we having a conversation or what? If that’s the case we might as well stop and talk. Please men, tone down the talking.

Pushing Her Head Down To …

This is probably the biggest turn off for me personally and I find that a lot of men still do this annoying act. Don’t press her head down as an indication that you want some dome. If she’s up for it then she’ll do it without you having to ask, and if you do ask, ask nicely. No one wants to feel like they are an ashawo or something that you just press their head down anyhow. STOP IT!

Being Selfish

This is related to the point below. Now say you’ve asked your girl to go down low, and she obliged, can you return the favor? Women don’t like selfish lovers. It doesn’t have to be about just going down, but doing what she wants. It cant just be about you you you and pounding pounding pounding. Take the time out to find out what she wants and do it. If you do so believe me she’ll repay you 5 times more.

Too Aggressive

I admit some women like it rough, but in reality that is a pretty low number. Most women prefer the gentler approach of love making. No woman wants to be treated like they’re being abused or something. She’s a woman not a random toy so treat with care. Don’t go about pushing and grabbing and shoving. Be gentle, but firm. It’s not just about you and getting yours. If she does like it rough, then be sure you’re both on the same page.

Too Timid

Women don’t want an aggressive guy but they don’t want Mr. Too Shy To Touch. Being too timid is just not good at all. It can actually lead to an early time out (if it’s me). Don’t be afraid to be explore, and be adventurous. Try new things and don’t be shy about doing something freaky every so often, and don’t just stick with just one position. *sigh*… Big Turn Off!

Entering Hole #2 Without Asking

Some women like it, some don’t, but the worst way to attempt to find out is to just try and ram it in there! Some women don’t mind (me) and for some it’s an absolute no no, and even for those who don’t mind, you have to get a bit mentally prepared for. The worst thing is a surprise attack. It is not only painful but it’s also very disrespectful. Again, grounds for early termination of contract.

.

Well that’s all folks! Ladies, drop a note if I didn’t cover all basis. What turns you off? Men take not, and learn. Drop a note if you have any questions, and please feel free to comment.

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are Nigerians Faithful?

The issue of fidelity in Nigerian relationships is always up for debate. While it’s a well known fact that Nigerian men cheat a lot, Nigerian women are also getting a swipe at that statistic as some surveys have put Nigerian women as one of the most unfaithful in the world (if that even makes sense).

Anyways, Battabox takes the question to the streets to find out from other what they thinking of the other sex and infidelity.http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=VbdpO8hs2Yk

Shhh! 10 Leading Lies Women Tell Men!

…

We don’t mean to lie but we kinda have to, just to keep the peace.

Yes, we females are far from perfect.

I’m really sorry ladies; I guess I feel I owe it to them.

So here are the top 10 lies woman tell men. Once again, I’m really sorry ladies.

1)      I don’t care how much you earn. In my opinion, this is the biggest lie unless the woman knows beforehand he will never earn as much as her anyway, then it’s not really an issue. Woman do care, they want stability and financial fulfilment. If we know that you can’t provide that for us…well…in the words of a kanye ‘Now I ain’t sayin’ she a gold digger…’

2)      I don’t mind that you look at other woman. What? Really? Do you actually believe that? When a woman says this, she’s trying to prove to you that she’s an open minded and a patient person. Inside she’s screaming ‘how dare you look at her! In fact if she does say this lie…RUN! She’s more likely to be one of those jealous-psycho chicks…still think she’s worth it?

3)      I can’t wait to meet your mum. She can wait, a very, very long time. She probably would only want to meet her on the wedding day. Most women are scared of meeting the mothers, they know she’s the one who can make or break the relationship…

4)      I like your friends. She loves the fact that they strip her of all the time she could spend with you and she especially loves when you and your boys hang out at bars and clubs. She’s obviously lying to you, she’ll only say this to be accommodating at first but there is a limit!

5)      I’m in no rush to get married. Lie.Lie.Lie. She’s watching her biological clock, she’s attended too many of her friends weddings, and has already eyed her wedding dress. If it was possible, she would push you down that aisle!

6)      I never tell my girlfriends about you. She does, all the time. She tells them how wonderful you are, what you wear/eat/like/dislike basically EVERYTHING! Trust me there isn’t a conversation between the two of you that her girlfriends aren’t aware of.

7)      I like you just the way you are. This isn’t a lie per se, but there are probably one or two or three things that she’s planning to change about you. At least she isn’t insulting you, I mean no one is perfect right?

8)      I’m fine. She’s not. If you had to ask, then you should be smart enough to know she isn’t okay with you. Sooner or later, all that pent up anger she’s been holding in, will explode in your face. Woman use this lie as an emotional defense, we expect you to know what the problem is already.If you want to save your relationship, sort out the problem quickly.

 9)      I love sports! If you’re lucky enough to date a girl who does love sports, then this may not necessarily be a lie. However if  she hates watching sports, she’s lying to prove how much you have in common and that she’s different from all your other girlfriends. Speed up a couple of weeks and she’ll be complaining every time that you watch too much sports.

10)   I could never lie to you. If we lived in a perfect world, perhaps.

So now you know, your women are from perfect but then neither are you. Most women only lie to you to protect you and to save their own skins in some situations. Good thing about these lies are they are not intended to hurt you just mostly to flatter you.

I am not condoning or condemning women that lie but showing that these lies are part of everyday life and nor am I generalising that every woman lies.

So do you agree or disagree with my top ten lies? What other ‘lies’ did I leave out?  Let me know your views in the comments section.

Why Am I In The Friend Zone? Here’s Why…

…

You see a woman you like, not the friendly kind of like but the ‘hello-i-want-to-share-my-life-with-you‘ kind of like. You approach this woman and everything appears to be going smooth, one thing leads to another, stuff you can not control and gbam! You are in the friend-zone. But how did you get there? Well friend, this is one question I want to address but before we go further, let us explain what the term ‘friend-zone’ means to our brothers who have no idea what it means. A certain picture I saw some time ago, I think, explains the term, vividly.

“A friend-zone is a state where she sees you as a non-sexual entity, something like her brother or a lamp.“

I believe this definition is quite explanatory and if you still don’t understand what a friend-zone is after reading that simple and short narration, I would say, with utmost humility and shock, “you need deliverance.” No offense sha.

Moving on, I did say I would try and explain to you in the simplest of language, why men get into one of men’s most dreaded zones- the friend-zone.

Every time I write about relationships and women, there is one point I keep hitting on- Women are wired emotionally, they act on how they feel. This point hugely contributes to the reason why u are in the friend-zone. It is like this, a woman automatically likes you when you make her feel good but it is how you make her feel good that determines whether you would be friend-zoned or not.

Women are sensitive, it is their talent, they can perceive things far more than men can. A woman can tell within seconds of meeting somebody new of they are fake or not. With that being said, here is the reason yu are in the friend-zone, you met a good-looking woman, made her feel good about herself which she liked very much but somewhere along the line, she discovered you were not being real with her and so to protect her self and at the same time not loose you, she friend-zoned you, you get?

Now the question is, ‘How were you not real with her?’

There is one abstract thing women really want in a man but would never admit it- Realness, which is your offense….you gave her your attention which she certainly wants but you were not real. Giving a woman your attention and being real should go hand-in-hand, especially if you are just knowing each other. Your offense is you became nice too soon, you were trying too much to impress her, trying too hard to get her attention. Here is a shocking but obvious truth; Women test men every time. Yes! She does or you honestly believe that those times she asked you to send her airtime, she did not have any other way to get it? Or that period where she just met you and you guys were out and she said a casual “I’m hungry”, she was really so hungry that she was too weak to go home and find her self something to it? Huh?

My point exactly, she was testing you. A typical woman has lots of men struggling for her attention and the only way she can choose between these men is to subconsciously ‘test’ them, and anyone she succeeds in manipulating obviously gets friend-zoned, that is just how it works.

No, I am not saying you should not send a woman airtime, pay for her meals or other nice stuff, what I am saying is you should not try to impress her too much. Let her be the one to try to impress you. Do nice stuff for her only after you discover she’s earned it….give her opportunities to earn it. The best way to compete with a lot of men struggling for her attention is not to compete with them. Compete but not with them, compete with her instead, you get?

It is quite unoriginal for you to just meet a woman and in minutes or days, you already think she deserves nice stuff- that is just plain fakeness and that my dear friend is why you got friend-zoned. 

are Nigerians Faithful?

The issue of fidelity in Nigerian relationships is always up for debate. While it’s a well known fact that Nigerian men cheat a lot, Nigerian women are also getting a swipe at that statistic as some surveys have put Nigerian women as one of the most unfaithful in the world (if that even makes sense).

Anyways, Battabox takes the question to the streets to find out from other what they thinking of the other sex and infidelity.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=VbdpO8hs2Yk

Man's Mistress Writes Letter To House Wife

We don't intentionally go hunting for your husbands, we meet them like you meet people everyday, through friends, at the supermarket, at work functions hell even on the side of the road.

We don't always know from the beginning the man is married because a lot of these brothers don't wear rings or come with a stamp saying "taken". Half the time he's alone, there's no trace of you, even in his car! It takes a well trained eye to spot traces of another woman, e.g seatbelt perfume, weave strands, hair oil on the headrest, etc.


My job in your relationship is to give him a break from reality, yes you and the kids are real but so are the bills and school fees and work stress. I'm where he de-stresses. I know my place trust me I do, I know to keep quiet when you call while we together.

I know not to spend on his credit card but to ask for cash, all this is to protect you, yes you, from pain, humiliation and suffering, I get a tired frustrated man and send you a well rested happy man, thank me don't disrespect me for it!Calling me won't change the fact that my clothes are expensive and my car is paid off, it won't change the fact that my university fees are paid and I get to go to the weekend conferences or boy's nites out, swearing at me won't change the fact that he grips my headboard when he rocks my world and screams like a girl, something u probably don't even know about the man u married.

You don't know the effort we put behind our little rendezvous just to keep your pudgy ass happy, and feeling secure.

Trust me the more u come after me the more he wants me, the more money he spends on me, the more intense our sessions get.

A true nyatsi will never ask him to leave you, instead she encourages him to stay with you even if you have messed up badly.

We never consider getting pregnant out of fear of having to deal with your sour face for the rest of our lives. So relax, your kids are priority numero uno, even to us, we pick out the toys and clothes he shows up with, we encourage bonding time.

Consider yourself lucky if u find my number, at least u know he's taken care of when u tired, and he's gonna come right back once we done re-furbishing my apartment. Oh and trust me, I do the fighting for us, its my job to make sure its just us two, any others will be dealt with severely by me, so don't ruin your manicure, I get a weekly one so its okay, let me do it.

I respect you, hence I stay away from family functions and make sure I take all my stuff out of the car when I was there,
I don't call after he's left the office because I know its your turn.

I have my own things, the rest is just a bonus for having a kind and sharing attitude, I'm a professional with a great job
and earn enough, I don't have time to tend to a full-time relationship hence I don't mind when he goes home to you.

My advice to you "mama'se khaya" stay in your home, and don't pack your stuff and go tell your mom how u failed at being a wife, it just makes u look stupid and weak and our man needs strong women around him. Look after your kids, tend to your home, cook those hearty meals you so famous for, I can't cook with these nails.

Don't ask about me, he's just going to lie and toss and turn in bed thinking about me in my victoria secret set he bought me for valentines day. Let me be, I will leave on my own accord one day.

If you don't we might just trade places and you going to be saying "witchdoctors" or I consult babalawos, I don't, I would rather spend that money on expensive holidays with our man.

Truth is, I make him feel good, I'm a reminder of when he was young and I do all the things you are afraid to do, or just won't do because you believe you are past that, I'm forever young and I compliment him, u suit him, trust me honey there is a huge difference.

I respect marriage and all it stands for, that's why I'm doing my part to help yours stay together, so don't think I don't, I respect the nice thing you have done and I love your kids too much to hurt them. Don't cry over me, or what we do, let it be, play your part and I will do what I'm supposed to do.

Yours (and your mans)

Nyatsia