New Year’s dating resolutions

Resolution #1: Start living in the future
“Stop basing the potential relationship of your future to your relationships of the past,” says Carole Brody Fleet, author of Widows Wear Stilettos. “We have all suffered our fair share of losers, liars, bad matches, and so on. So, resolve to laugh and let them go. Open your mind to the possibilities of your future and don’t automatically condemn someone new based on your past experiences.”

How to get started: Write the names of any painful exes down on strips of paper and burn them on New Year’s Eve. It’s a powerful (and harmless) gesture that can help you start off the new year with a clean slate emotionally.

Resolution #2: End unhealthy relationships, platonic and otherwise
If you’re too emotionally drained from hanging out with toxic friends, or mired in a relationship that’s going nowhere, resolve to get yourself out of them as soon as possible. That’s the plan Charlotte Millot of Gotham, NY chose for herself this year: “I have resolved to end any relationships that are not healthy, supportive, or functional,” she says. She also resolves to stop looking for The One. Wait, what? “The relationships that have been the most meaningful were not the ones that I found,” Charlotte explains. “They just sort of happened. I usually tend to be living my life, enjoying myself... and then one day, I get hit over the head by someone I simply have to be with, who also has to be with me. Our hearts do the dance, and we both take it from there.”

How to get started: Put the focus on doing anything and everything to make yourself happy — and busy — starting on January 1. Take that photography class you’ve been thinking about, play with your pooch at the nearby dog park every Sunday, or join a volunteer group and get to know your neighbors while doing things that benefit your community together. Just set a schedule that includes activities you normally don’t do, and stick to it.

Resolution #3: Get back in the dating game
This one seems obvious, but it bears repeating. If you’re suffering from a broken heart, the best way to mend it is to get out there and date other people. That’s what MaryAnn Lowry is doing — which is no small feat after the end of her 31-year marriage. “I had my last official date in 1975. I never forgot how to ride a bike, so using hypothetical reasoning, it can be assumed that I didn’t forget how to behave on a date and earn a nice kiss on the lips by the end of the evening,” says MaryAnn.

How to get started: If it’s been decades since you handed anyone your number, asking friends to set you up with someone is one way to ease yourself back into the dating pool while avoiding the bars and clubs. However, if it’s a particularly toxic ex you’re hung up on, sharing your woes with a therapist might help speed the healing process before you start dating someone new. Whichever route you choose to take, be sure to avoid your usual haunts; pick places you’ve never been to before when arranging to meet dates for the first time; not only will it help you keep your private haunts sacred, it will also reduce your chances of running into a former flame. And if you’re suddenly single in midlife, take heart: According to current U.S. Census data, one-third of all adults aged 46-59 were single in 2010; you have more contemporaries out there to date now than you might have had in your 20s and 30s.

Resolution #4: Go out more often, and where other singles tend to gather
You’re not going to meet your dream date sitting at home — cute UPS carriers and pizza-delivery types aside. So, make it a priority to go where the single men and women are and start socializing with them. “I’m resolving to go out with my friends during the week more, so we can maybe meet some people we wouldn’t see out on the weekend,” says Davie Alexander of Chicago, IL.

How to get started: Option 1: Sign up for online dating and get networked with millions of other single people you wouldn’t otherwise meet. Option 2: Go out and sit at a restaurant patio or cafe. The wait staff or barista will help keep you company — and, if you ask, he or she might introduce you to other single patrons, too. One more idea to consider: Join a friendly local sports league or sign up for a singles-only tour or trip through your local travel agency (websites like bestsingletravel.com even group experiences by age range and interest type, if you’re not sure where to look).

Resolution #5: Ditch the negative self-talk and deadline pressure around meeting The One
If this isn’t your first time ringing in the New Year single, you might be getting a little panicky about finding love sooner rather than later. “It’s so easy to feed into these self-destructive patterns, but it affords us an opportunity for self-reflection, introspection, and getting in touch with ourselves in a real way,” says Doree Lewak, author of The Panic Years. “Give yourself a break and ease up on yourself. It’s bad enough when we have to contend with external pressures – to marry, to bring that special someone home to mom and dad for the holidays – but to add internal pressure is downright cruel. The less we think (and obsess) about our marriage timeline, the more we’ll let our relationships breathe naturally. And only then can we enable ourselves and our relationships to progress in a real way.”

How to get started: Schedule time for a workout before heading out to meet potential dates (and if you don’t exercise regularly now, consider making it a permanent addition to your weekly routine). New research shows that adding just a few extra minutes to your workout or hitting the gym a bit harder than usual can improve your mood, self-esteem, and ability to deal with stressful social events, so finding time for exercise is a must.


by
By Margot Carmichael LesterMargot Carmichael Lester is a North Carolina-based freelance writer whose work also appears in Go magazine. yahoo

Ten Ways To Make Him Want You Even More

Sacrificing your happiness for someone is a good sign, but only if it’s mutual. There’s a thin red line between sacrificing and suffering in a relationship.

Do you think your boyfriend could love you more?

Or perhaps, love you better?

Most of the time, girls just learn to accept their boyfriend for who they are.

Even though their boyfriends are nothing like the man of their dreams.

And over time, these girls compromise on their own wants and wait for their boyfriend to show the smallest romantic gesture to feel better about the relationship.

Seriously, don’t be that girl.

How to make your boyfriend want you

Every guy has the potential to be the perfect boyfriend, just as soon as he learns to follow the rules.

And it all starts with these 10 tips on how to make your boyfriend want you more and 6 more tips on things you should avoid doing to be wanted by your boyfriend.

All of us take relationships for granted eventually, even if we don’t intend to at the beginning.

But can you really blame yourself or your partner, when either of you don’t remind each other about it?



If you want to have a happy relationship and a boyfriend who appreciates you, don’t compromise on your wants and desires in the relationship just to make your boyfriend feel happy. He’ll start to accept you for who you are, instead of realizing how understanding, accommodating and genuinely nice you actually are.

Sacrificing your happiness for someone is a good sign, but only if it’s mutual. There’s a thin red line between sacrificing and suffering in a relationship.

Understand these tips on making your boyfriend want you and use them. You’ll see the difference in no time.

#1 Look good in his arms. Let’s talk about pleasing your man with appearances first. Guys are shallow, and the physical appearance of their girlfriend plays a big part in his ego and his desire to be with you. Look sexy and have eyes turn towards you when you’re in his arms. If his friends think you’re hot stuff, he’ll desire you and want to be with you more. And he’ll never want to let go of you.

#2 Respect yourself. Your boyfriend is not better than you. Falling in love is a mutual experience between lovers. Have an ego and be confident of yourself. If you truly respect yourself, your boyfriend can’t help but respect you and admire you.

#3 Spend time with your own friends. Make your own plans now and then. Go out with your own friends and feel good about yourself, be it in having a good conversation or attracting the attention of another cute guy. Believe in yourself, and remember that you’re still hot stuff. And the best part, he’ll miss you more when you aren’t available at his beck and call.

#4 Have your own life. Your boyfriend is only a part of your life, not all of it. If you’re always with him or he finds you available all the time, he’ll only take you for granted.

#5 Be a wildcat with fiery passion. Try new things in bed. If you want to know how to make your boyfriend want you sexually, don’t be predictable in bed. Try new things and don’t let bedtime get boring. Enjoy sex and take pride in your passion and interest in exploring sex.

#6 Be a smart girl. Be aware of the world around you, be it on the news or in current affairs. Men always think they’re more intelligent and aware. Prove him wrong, he’ll worship you and take you more seriously.

#7 Play hard to get when he takes you easy. Don’t let your boyfriend ever take you for granted. If you ever feel like he’s taking you lightly, put him in place. It’ll scare him, true, but it’ll also make him realize that you’re not someone to be taken for granted.

#8 Display PDA. Men love it when their girl shows her appreciation in public. It makes them feel desired and lucky. Wrap your arm around him or place your hand on his cheek in appreciation when he’s being nice. He’ll be a lot nicer and he’ll be happy to have a girlfriend like you.

#9 Walk away if he disrespects you. Snub him or avoid his calls when he disrespects you. He’ll be too scared to take you lightly. You’re not throwing a tantrum by doing this, you’re letting him know that you have self respect.

#10 Follow your own dreams. Be passionate about life and your own ambitions. Your boyfriend will never respect you or desire you if all you do is sit wide eyed and stare when he talks about his ambitions and dreams, and have nothing to share in return.

Six things to avoid if you want your boyfriend to want you

#1 Don’t be too easy to get. Don’t be available for him anytime he calls you. Don’t change your plans just to be with him. Let him know that you have a life too, and he needs to take you more seriously if he wants you by his side.

#2 Don’t be a pushover. If he changes plans in the last minute and leaves you in the middle of a date to hang out with his friends, or cancels a date for silly reasons, don’t accept such behavior. If he walks away, call another cute guy and hang out with him just to get back at your boyfriend. It’s the only way he’ll learn.

#3 Don’t be eager to please him. Pleasing each other should be mutual. If you find that you’re the only one indulging in sweet gestures while he just behaves like a slob, put an end to it and make him work for your attention all over again.

#4 Don’t be the first one to make up all the time. This is especially important if it’s not your own fault. If your boyfriend’s taking you for granted, and you find yourself being the one who has to make up all the time, ignore him for a while or give him a cold shoulder. If he really cares, he’ll swallow his pride and come back crawling.

#5 Don’t be clingy and needy. Show off your independence even if you’re just idle and sitting at home. Appear like you’re a girl who can sort her own affairs. He should know that spending even a few minutes with you is a privilege!

#6 Don’t be a bad damsel in distress. Men love a damsel in distress, but only if you play the part in the right manner. Make him feel like a man, but don’t always go trailing him for help.

How A Woman Saved Her Husband

To marry a good wife is one of the best thing that can happen to a man. The story goes thus:

I, Sarah Adams take Lawson Kuti as my lawful wedded husband, to love and to cherish, in sickness and in health, till death do us part” she smiled at him through her veil.
“You may now kiss your bride Mr. Lawson” the Pastor beckoned.
Lawson’s heart raced as he gently unveiled his bride’s face. She looked so beautiful. He gently bent over and placed a soft kiss on her lip. Sarah in turn embraced him tightly with tears of joy streaming down her face.

“Never leave me Sarah” he whispered in her ear.

“I will never leave you” she whispered and they slowly released themselves from the embrace.

“I present to you the latest couple!” The Pastor exclaimed excitedly

The church cheered and Sarah cried more in her husband’s arms

5 years Later
Sarah silently tip toed behind her husband. He was in his study, engrossed in reading. She smiled to herself and gently covered his eyes with both hands.

“It’s just you and I in this house Sara, plus, I smelled you the moment you walked in” He dropped

Sara released her hold, sighed and sat on the study table, “Why do you figure me out so easily? I can’t even surprise you! That sucks” she curled her arms around his neck

“You are my wife, nothing you do is supposed to surprise me” He playfully pecked her nose.

“But you’ve been in the study all day and I’m bored!” She rolled her eyes

“So what kind of fun do you suggest we have then?” He swooped her off the table in his arms

“No! no that kind of fun!” She hit him playfully till he put her down

“Ok”, He folded his arms on his chest, looking into her eyes, “So what do you want us to do?”

“Not us. Actually, all I want is to play with your play station and you’ve hidden it again! Just give it and you can continue your reading. pleaaaseee” She blinked her eyes playfully

“No way”, He went back toward his study chair and sat, “Not my play station”

“Why! You never let me touch it…like its your baby” She sulked

“Well”, he rolled his eyes, “Not like you’ve given me a baby yet”

Sara paused for a moment. Did he just say that to her? The words struck her deep down

“You shouldn’t have said that Lawson…” She managed to say, her countenance changing.

“But it’s true…I’m only saying the truth Sara” He turned to face her, still sitting on the chair.

“The truth? You think I don’t want us to have kids?”

“Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying that…” He stood to face her now.

“Then what are you saying Lawson? Tell me, what is the truth?”

“Let’s not do this today…please. You can have the play station and play all you want. It’s in my footwear locker and the key is in my Bible”

“You always do this…hurting me with your words” Her voice began to shake

“Don’t start Sara please”

“Tell me why you said those words to me! I want to know!”

“Because I’m tired! I want to be a father! I want to have my own kids Sara…”

” and you think I don’t?!” Sara flared, trying not to let the tears pour

“Then why can’t you get pregnant Sara? This is the fifth year we are trying.” He clenched his teeh and walked out of the study.

Sara was in shock. She sat on the chair for some seconds, stood up again and saton the chair again…this time she held on to her blouse and burst into tears.

2weeks after
“Lawson, wake up please” Sara tapped him

Lawson gently opened his eyes and looked at the alarm clock by his bedside, “It’s 2:00am Sara…”

“It’s urgent”

“I’m listening” He said drowsily

“Mother says we should come for tests. She says she’s spoken to her doctor and he said we should come.”

“What?” Lawson opened his eyes now, “Your mother is the UK for Christs sakes”

“Let’s just do it. We can go for the weekend, lets just give it a shot, please.”

“No. That would be rather expensive and…”

“It’s my birthday today and the only thing I want from you is this trip”

Lawson fell quiet now. For the past two years now, his wife’s birthday skips his mind…totally.

“I’m…I’m sorry Sara…It skipped my mind…”

“It always does” She lay down back on the bed, backing him.

Lawson wrapped his arms around her waist, “I said I’m sorry…”

No response.
Lawson sighed, “Fine, we go this weekend”

“Really?” She turned sharply, excited

“If it will make you happy today”

“Thank you baby” She hugged him.

A week after

Sara jerked at the vibration of the phone in her pocket.

“Hi mom!” she pressed the phone to her ear with her shoulders, wiping the washed dishes with her hands.

“Honey…”

“What is it mom?” she pressed it harder

“The result…the result of the tests…” her mother cried

Sarah gently dropped the plate and the wiper, hear racing…”Just say it mom…”

That night
“I can never have children Lawson…” Sara cried

Lawson felt his world crash right in front of him, “W…what?”

“Mama called today…she’s gotten the tests results”

“Jesus Christ” Lawson stood, placing his palm on his head, “b…but you told m you were ok before we got married, you told me the doctor said your abortion didn’t damage your womb”

“Don’t bring my past into this!” Sara flared

Lawson laughed and got serious almost immediately, “You are crazy. I married a crazy woman!”

Sara looked at him in shock, like he’d lost his mind.

“The results say you can never have children and we bith know that this has to do with the abortion you had before we met!”, he flared, “are you happy?…you know we’re screwed right? No kids? what re we going to tell the world?”

“Lawson we can adopt…” Sara cried

“Adopt? Wow!”, he laughed again, “I married a funny woman too!” He got sserious again, “Its still not our baby! The damn baby is not my flesh and blood! You are full of deceit Sara” He looked into her eyes. Sara could see him fighting his tears.

“Lawson stop…you are hurting me…” Sara fell on her knees crying

“You want to know what I’m thinking?” Lawson looked at her with disgust, “I’m thinking how on earth I’m going to stand seeing your deceitful face for the rest of my life”

“Sra cried harder, “Dont give up Lawson…So far I have a womb…I can still carry our baby…”

“I am not giving up on having my baby, I’m giving up on you” Lawson turned around to leave

“Lawson!” She held his feet, “I’m hurting too…”

He only dragged his feet from her hold and drove out of the house. She wept.

A month Later
“Mother, he’s not even talking to me. All of a sudden we are both strangers…He doesn’t eat my food, comes home late…he hates me so much and its killing me. I’m confused…to think that it’s ,e truly hurting…”

“For how long will you hide this truth from him. You’ve got to let him know…you can’t carry his…”

There was the sound of a car hon

“Mom I’ve got to go…he’s back”

“Baby, you’ve got to let him know. It can work when you two are one in mind”

“Bye mom” she ended the call.

Lawson came into the house, about to walk past her.

“Lawson” She held him

“I’m tired” He didn’t want to look at her face

“I know…can we talk for some minutes?” She tried to help him remove his suit

“Look what is it” He jerked from her

“Do you hate me this much? you can’t even look me in the eye? you can’t even stand my sight? Lawson…it’s me Sara…your best friend…” Her eyes grew moist

“I’m in no mood for this” He turned around to walk away

“Don’t you dare leave when I’m talking to you!” She dragged him by the suit.Just then, some papers fell to the floor. Sara quickly bent to pick them up…her hands shook and her body became numb all over.

“D…divorce papers? Lawson?” She searched his eyes

“Answer me goddammit!” She held him by the collar of his shirt, crying

“They are for you to sign. I want out” Lawson dropped

“Y…you what?” she slowly freed him from her hold

“It’s not going to work Sara, can’t you see?”

“Lawson I can’t believe you would think of a divorce and even go this far…why are you so wicked!” she cried, angry

“No! Why are you so wicked!” He retorted, flaring

“Think about me for once. I am a man for Christs sakes. My children are my pride! and you are about to deny me that for the rest of my life because of your stupid mistake!”

“What about me! have you stopped for once to think about what I’m going through”

“Its your cross, carry it” Lawson fixed his angry eyes on his wife

“No, its now our cross and I am not signing those divorce papers! We vowed never to leave each other!”

“Isn’t it better Sara that you save yourself more hurt and sign these papers than to see another woman move into this house before your very eyes?” he said with a tone of sarcasm

Sara’s heart thumped, “What?”

“You heard me…another woman who can help raise a family, so save yourself the stress and sign the damn papers. I need it tomorrow”He turned around to leave again

“She still can;t carry your baby” Sara dropped

“Not all women had abortions. Not every woman was like you.” He scorned

“You are the one who can’t give me a child!” Sara let out, crying.

Lawson stopped now, turned around and walked towards her, “Whatever your plan is won’t work”

“I told you I could never have a child because its you who can’t make me pregnant”

“Shut up! shut up Sara! what the hell are you saying!” He shook her shoulders violently

“You are infertile Lawson…the doctor says you have primary infertility…” Sara burst into tears

Lawson gasped, loosing his balance.

“Mother called me to give me the news. I was shattered, I felt like my world was over but more importantly I thought of you. I thought of what the news could do to you, I thoight of the best way to tell you… never for once did i think of leaving you. I bore your insults, your scorn, because of my past. It was so easy to judge me and think of yourself. I am the one who is hurting, I am the one who should bring some miserable divorce papers…but I thought of you…I thought of hope, faith and a miracle…I thought of my vow to you on that altar. In sickness and in health remember?”, she smiled through her tears, “all of a sudden you are as weak as a baby…looking in your eyes, I can see you sudenly have lost all your guards, You are so wicked”

“Sara…” Lawson fell on his knees, torn.

“No!” She quickly fell on her knees too, “No Lawson…” She couldn’t bear to see him cry

“I’m…I’m infertile”, he cried, “What is left of me?” he searched his wife’s eyes

“Lawson please…” she held his face, “I understand…it has been so hard for me…I have put myself in your shoes since the first day…”

“You don’t deserve this…you deserve better…I can’t believe I scorned you all along…please let me leave you”

“No” she shook her head, “You are my husband. I won’t leave you. I won’t let you leave me…I believe in miracles”

“I’m doomed…Sara I’m doomed…”He allowed his wife take him in her arms and on her shoulder he wept like a child.

In the Morning
Sara gently opened her eyes, looking beside her bed…it was empty. She quickly sat up on seeing a note gently placed on the bed. Hands shaking, she opened the letter to read.

Sara,
I cannot bear the shame. I have treated you so unfairly, yet you love me still, you are with me even in this condition of mine. To think that you knew all along and you never for once gave me a clue that it is my fault we are in this mess, makes me so unworthy of you. I love you enough to let you build another life with a man who can make you happier. I’m torn Sara and all I ask is your forgiveness. I have always loved you and if you truly love me then please start your life over again…without me…I am truly sorry for disappointing you.

Lawson.

Sara couldn’t control the tears. She couldn’t think straight anymore. She picked her cell phone, shaking…

“Hi Mr. Lawson’s office please”

“hI Lola…” she cried, “have you seen my husband today?”

“No…no ma’am, we’ve been expecting him at work. He has a presentation in fifteen minutes”

“Oh God…God…” Sara dipped her hand in her full hair

“Everything ok ma’am?”

“Thank you” she ended the call.

She quickly got down from the bed and in her pajamas she ran into her car. She dialed his number repeatedly as she drove…no answer.

At 2:00pm
She sped into Fred’s compound, a close friend to her husband.

“Fred!” she banged the door hastily till the door flung open

“My God Sara what’s wrong?” Fred held her

“It’s…its Lawson…have you seen him? is he here?”

“No…Haven’t heard from him in a week”

“Oh God” she held her hair

“What’s wrong?”

But she was already walking away into her car.

“Sara!” He called after her.

She zoomed away.

4:30pm
“Mom, Dad, I can’t find Lawson…I can’t find your son…” she cried as she paced in front of the two who looked lost

“You have to calm down and tell us what happened” Lawson’s mother put her arms around Sara.

Sara burst into tears, “Please Dad could you try his number, maybe he’d pick your call?”

“Have you been to his office?” He picked his cellphone and dialed his son’s number

“I have been everywhere I know him to be likely available”

“It’s ok…calm down please” Lawson’s mother pet her

“He’s not picking. What exactly went wrong between you two?” Lawson’s father searched Sara’a eyes

9:00pm
Sara was still in her pajamas and on her way back home, exhausted and stuck in the traffic. She had told Lawson’s parents everything. The poor couple was so shattered and also begging her to begin a new life. Sara buried her head on the steering, crying; she hadn’t realized the green light.

“Hey get off the freaking road!” a driver cursed from behind her

“God please don’t let him harm himself…keep him safe and lead me to him…please God…” she quickly started the car and began to move.

Suddenly she remembered the church where they wedded and took their vows. It was two hours from here; she made a u-turn and headed for the church hoping to find some peace.

She tiredly got down from the car, drenched and exhausted. She trudged into the open entrance of the church. She paused for a moment; shocked…it was Lawson sitting at the front row of the empty church, facing the altar.

“Lawson!” She began to run towards him, happy, relieved that he was ok.

“Sara?” He quickly stood as she approached him, “Sara…”

They both ran into each other’s arms. He hugged her so tightly

“I looked for you everywhere….thi­ s was the last place I thought you’d ever be…I just came and I saw you…Lawson….I’m­ so happy you are ok” she touched his face

“I didn’t know where else to go…It just feels like I cant face the world anymore…” he slowly released her from his embrace.

“Take my hand” Sara stretched out her hand, “C’mon, just take it”

Lawson gently clasped his hand into hers and she took him to the altar and stood to face him. She searched his eyes so deeply and hadn’t seen him so weak and helpless.

“Five years ago Lawson, we both stood on this altar. Remember our vows? Remember you whispered in my ear never to leave you. I told you I wouldn’t…that’s­ why I’m here. I am your wife Lawson, I am meant to be with you forever, through the bad and good times. We’ve had good times, why would I leave you now? All I want from you is to believe that you can still give me a child despite what the result said…I want you to believe in a miracle”, she held his face, “remember when you told me I was a miracle in your life?…our children will be our miracles too. Trust God with me because I know it won’t be long…”

“Who are you Sara…” Lawson was weak with her words

“The one who vowed to be with you till the end” she smiled through her thin tears

“God I love you so much Sara” He hugged her again

“So will you come back home with me?” Sara searched his eyes

“I have no other place to call home” He placed a soft kiss on her lips.

2 years after
Lawson and Sara were on the sofa watching a late night movie. Sara was resting on his shoulders when she felt the movement

“Lawson Lawson, it moved again…don’t miss it this time touch touch” she gently placed his palm on the side of the stomach. Both felt the movement of their child

“I can feel him…I can feel him” Lawson placed his head on her belly

“I can feel him growing each day inside of me…”

“What do you think its saying now by this movement?”

“Thank you dada for believing in me” she laughed. They both laughed “The movement has stopped” he slowly removed his head from her stomach, “I think he’s sleeping”

Sara rested on his shoulders again, “In six months you’d be a father, “You finally got your miracle”

Lawson tilted his wife’s face to him, looking into her eyes, “Sara…you were the miracle I needed. Thank you for not leaving me.”

Sara tickled his nose with hers, “I love you too. Always will”, she smiled, “We missed a whole lot on our movie”

“Movie can wait, but this can’t” He gently planted a kiss on her belly.

http://www.talkofnaija.com

Analysing the African Lady

51. When the time comes to break up with a girl, do it yourself, and do it in person. Let her down NICELY, and always explain why. NEVER ever get someone to do it for you. You may think it’s the way to go, for less tears and just making it easier for her, but trust me, it isn’t..

52. It’s hard for a girl to admit she likes you. So when she does, don’t act grossed out.

53. If you like a girl, TELL her. And don’t be afraid too. In most cases, girls are extremely understanding, and would really like to know who likes her and who doesn’t. It might even turn out she likes you back.

54. Always stick up for a girl, especially if it’s a guy picking on her. It shows a lot in a guy.

55. Don’t mess around with her hearts.

56. If you like her, you like her. If you don’t, then you don’t. Make up your mind, and don’t take ten years doing it.

57. When a girl does something, that obviously made her feel stupid, or embarrassed, don’t make her feel even more stupid or embarrassed. Comfort her, and tell her its okay.

58. Kissing her on the cheek randomly is really cute.

59. Girls get jealous. Very easy, though she might not show it.

60. Ladies think guys are just strong but are will to support him even financially.

61. when an African lady says she is ugly, or fat or whatever, she isn’t waiting for you to agree - She is waiting for you to say, "NO you’re not fat, at all your perfect" or" NO you’re not ugly, your beautiful, don’t ever change."

62. When she likes you, you are all she ever thinks about.

63. Make the first move. Sometimes, the girl is too shy to.

64. If you JUST met a girl, and you’re saying gross sexual things to her, and she says something like, “go die” or “stop talking to me” leave her alone, she means that.

65. If she hangs up on you, call back. If she continue, then you give a break!

66. Act like a real boyfriend should in front of your friends. It DOES impress her.

67. When she crys, hug her. If she pulls away, hold her tighter.

68. Girls love it when guys act shy. (not speaking for all girls)

69. When she says we loves you, 100% of the time, she mean it with all of her heart, and want you to mean it to.

70. When you're girlfriend is sick or sad, stay on the phone with her if you can't visit.

71. If a guy is bothering her, it is your right to look into her eyes to know if she's for you. Never, fight becos of a lady you've not married!

72. Don't stress where you go for every date. She really only want to be with you.

Culled from my Unpublished book Oyebade Obalola Jerry

CARE FOR HER NOW A MUST READ MESSAGE

“My mum and I were good friends
She was my best friend

She had ONLY me and my younger sister
I lost my dad when I was 6
My mum sent me through primary till university and
even paid for my masters She sponsored my lil sister too
She only had primary school education but she was
clever
She was 30 years older than me but we were really
close
She sold her land because of many of our bills and fees
She was the best in the world
Whenever I was sad she was sadder
She knew me inside out
My sister later won usa lottery and left us
Me and my mom became very close On my wedding day, she was crying a lot, I was too
But when I got married I started having problems of
my own and slowly I started to forget about her
Whenever she calls me, I will put up an excuse, I
used to think all I needed was to send her money as
my work and marital worries were stressing She lived in Eruwa, I live in Lagos I ashamedly
refused to bring her to lagos because I think it would
be another worry to me and that maybe my husband
wouldn’t like her despite me not even asking him
I began to distance myself from her, even though I
loved her loads I kept sending her money but was too busy to visit
her in 2years
One day her neighbour phoned me saying she was
ill, I talked to her and I sent money for her
treatments. After some days, a doctor phoned me
saying mama needs attention that she had not been taking her drugs properly and that she had been on
her own for two days without care from people
around her. I was upset I started asking where was
auntie this? and auntie that? And because it was on
Wednesday I couldn’t visit her but told the doctor to
arrange care and that I would foot the bill and I promised to come over on Friday after work. I
arrived Eruwa late Friday evening I couldn’t believe
my eyes when I saw her. She had aged so quickly
and her health was deteriorating.
She was glad to see me, she held my hand and
whispered I miss you. Shame enveloped me It was like i was dreaming that I had not seen her for
2years. That aalone sent some cold chill up my brain
she narrated how much she missed me . She was
weak and I started giving her all attentions I had not
paid her. She asked after my two daughters, again
knowing she had not seen her grand daughters for awhile too is heartbreaking i was dumbfounded as I
could not explain why I didn’t bring them along. She
said it would have been nice to see them again. I left
on Sunday evening cos I had to get back to work on
Monday, thank God she was getting better. She was
being treated at home. As I drove home, it was guilt upon guilt all over me. I started to think about her
effort that made me who I am today. Then I decided
to rent a flat for her within my neighbourhood, I
would get her a personal doctor, and many other
exciting thoughts as I drove back to lagos. On Monday morning, I was told she had died in her
sleep, that devastated me. I cried my eyes out. She
died because she was not taking her malaria drugs
properly. she was 61years.
Everthing that I didn't do came rushing back and hit
me like a crash of thunder in my heart. Please, never leave your parents unattended your attention is
essential, I would empty my account plus move her
down to my room to have her back. Cherish and respect your mother while you have the
chance, money isn’t everything, care goes a long
way” The most painful phrase in this world is ‘HAD I
KNOWN’
I LOVE YOU ABENI WITH MY WHOLE HEART” Remember: we only have one mom. Don't deny her,
start to cherish her today"

It Ends Tonight Part 2

part1 

It ends tonight, thinking to myself. All the guilt and anguish I feel will go with the night. I place my glass of drink on the sink, open my cabinet which doubles as my mirror and take out my sleeping tablets. I open the container and empty its contents into my right hand as I drop the container and pick up my drink. I look at the tablets in my hand, heave a sigh, look at myself in the mirror, close my eyes,pour all the tablets in my mouth and wash it down with the drink in my other hand. I walk to the sitting room and place the glass on the table…………………..

X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X

I open my eyes slowly and as I do so, I can feel sadness and it feels like live has been drained out of a place. I could feel the cold touch of death. I used to think everywhere turns white when you are dead but this place is blue. Blue? Maybe it is the skies. I guess all those Hollywood movies I watched in my lifetime were just lying. I hear voices. Where are the voices coming from? Am I close to heaven? Oh my God! Heaven! The voices are closer now, I must be close to heaven. A smile breaks out on my face. The smile was short lived as the blue surroundings was replaced by a team of doctors. They pulled back the blue curtains screening me from other patients in the ward. It was their voices I was hearing as they are having their morning rounds. They are five in number. An elderly man with grey hair is wearing a white scrub and the other four doctors consisting of three women and a man are in blue scrubs. I guess they are interns.

One of the doctors in blue scrubs spoke saying “Frank Ehinomen, 30, was brought in last night at about 9:30pm by a group of friends who found him unconscious in his living room. He had ingested 27 tablets of Lexotan.“

“His system was purged of the drugs and he has since been in stable condition and his vitals are ok. The drugs were not in his system for too long to cause damage to his liver” added another doctor in blue scrubs.

“You are a lucky man. You should really thank your friends who have been here all night” said the elderly doctor in white scrubs.

“I will inform your friends that you are awake” added an intern as the team moved to the next patient.

X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X

Here I am sitting down at the reception of a psychologist. Before I was discharged from the hospital, the doctor spoke to my friends and I saying I am suffering from depression even though I will not admit it and he asked me to talk to a professional. He even recommended one for me. She is a good friend of his. I did not want to agree before but my friends made me agree as they threatened fire and brimstone if I did not go.

The phone at the receptions rings and the receptionist after talking to the person on the line, drops the receiver and asks me to go into the office. I walk into the office and it has this homely feeling. There is a water dispenser just as I walk into the office. The office is spacious as it holds a large office desk with all sorts of files on it, a chair, a 3-seater couch and an armchair conveniently. The psychologist is on her feet with her hands stretched out to shake me. She offers me a seat on the couch as she also takes her seat in the armchair facing the couch. I sit on the couch and as I look round I notice a picture frame on the wall behind the office desk. She is standing beside a man who I assume is her husband and two children are standing in front of them. She confirms my assumption by telling that it is a picture of her husband with their two boys. I look at the picture again, then it hits me. Her husband 1s my late fiancée’s boss!

To be continued ???

VICTORIOUS MAN i find this song amazing, inspire today’s young ones to reach farther for their goals and believe in themselves against all odds.

More Spice to Your Relationship Tonight!

So, your love life isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. Don’t freak out. Listen, people think that trying to save a failing relationship is really difficult and involves a lot of heart-wrenching conversations about “what things mean” and “how to process your feelings” but the cold hard truth about a lot of relationship advice is that more often than not it solves nothing. We’re an overly verbal culture and shows like Dr. Phil et al convince us that all problems can be resolved through deep meaningful talks. Spoiler alert: they don’t.

Sure they may work on The Vampire Diaries (or whatever guilty pleasure TV drama you shame watch) but when you’re dealing with a non un-dead heterosexual male, they tend to fall flat. No, that’s not because men think differently but because, let’s be honest, deep, meaningful talks are kind of a buzzkill, Especially if you’re dating the strong and silent type. You’ll yammer on and on about feelings and all he’ll feel is bad, or bored. If you really want to save your love life tonight what you need to do is really relatively simple.

Make Some Sexy Food

You can go with chocolate dipped strawberries, your partner’s favorite comfort food, even breakfast for dinner! Whatever works just make sure it’s something you both like that isn’t going to leave you bloated and sleepy afterwards. Not sexy.

Put on Sleepwear That Doesn’t Look Like Your Grandma’s.

This is pretty simple, it doesn’t have to be the naughtiest of Victoria’s Secrets but something that makes you look hot. If all else fails, go for something black and lacy.

Have A (Little) Drink.

I’m not advocating getting smashed here people, because drunk sex, like drunk karaoke is never as good as you though it was. Also: loud and off key. But if you haven’t seduced your partner in a while, a bit of ‘liquid courage’ could help ease the awkwardness.

Massage.

Let’s face it, we’re all pretty tense these days. Ease your partner’s muscles and mind with the ultimate foreplay. Pro tip: get some nice smelling massage oil, it makes the whole thing feel amazing.

Pounce.

Okay, it’s game time. No more preparation just go for the gold. Grab your partner and get on down to make them remember why you started dating in the first place. Yes, we’re talking a good old ‘super-lay’ so bust out those moves you save for special occasions. Go get ‘em tiger, kick that love life into high-gear!



***This patent-pending system is guaranteed to work (if you werk it). So don’t think about it, pounce on your man tonight and show him what he’s been missing***



Then tell him to make you a sammich. Seduction is a lot of work.

Fear in Relationship

Why do we fight with our partners? I’m not referring to small arguments that resolve reasonably quickly with a compromise. I am talking about fights that blow like a hurricane into a peaceful day and leave us broken, exhausted, and confused as we wonder, what just happened?

These consuming and crazy-making fights are generally fueled by unspoken and unnamed fears. Because most of us do not like feeling scared, we have spent years developing strategies to try to control our fear by squashing it or avoiding it. The problem is, fear does not like being forced out of town. It may ride away for a while, but it will come back, with its posse, armed and ready to force us to hear it and take it seriously.




It is often in a marriage or committed intimate relationship that our fear comes riding back into town, ready to avenge us for casting it out. We have treated fear as the enemy, so it has gone into fighting mode. In fighting mode, fear is ruthless.




In fighting mode, fear attacks by pulling us into a dark and catastrophic drama where we become so panicked and terrified that we can’t ignore the fear any longer. For example, perhaps a woman has a deep fear about being isolated and lonely. When this fear hits her periodically, she keeps it inside, trying to push it away. Eventually, the fear fights back, spinning a tragic story that features her husband as the ‘losing interest’ spouse who will eventually leave. Her mind, now controlled by fear, gathers bits and pieces of information that confirm and support this story.

Now, perhaps the relationship does need some work. Perhaps her husband has been distracted and has not been attending to the relationship. Perhaps her husband’s energy is unavailable because he is being attacked by his own fears. As in any relationship, these thorny issues of ‘give and take’ must continually be addressed and worked out.

Once fear has gone into attack mode, however, and the tragic story has been spun, there is no way to deal with these issues in a productive manner. Instead of a respectful and solution-focused conversation, the husband is now locked into the bad guy role. As a result, he may feel so trapped, frustrated and misunderstood that he is likely to lash out or run away from any discussion. This just confirms that he is the villain.




To further intensify the drama, perhaps the woman is now the villain in the partner’s fear-driven storyline. He is now seeing the woman as the demanding and ‘never satisfied’ demon in the story that was created by his underlying fear of ‘not being good enough.’ Now stuck in the demon role, the woman feels so trapped, misunderstood, and frustrated that her own story reaches a fevered pitch of terror. The relationship hangs on the edge of a cliff, with imminent doom and total destruction.
Coping with Fear in Your Relationship

It doesn’t have to be this way. There is another way to deal with fear:




1. Name the underlying fear. Some examples are: Fear of falling apart, fear of rejection, fear of not being understood, fear of being judged, fear of being alone, fear of loss, fear of change, fear of aging, fear of being overwhelmed, fear of your needs being ignored, fear of boredom, fear of lack of control, fear of failure, and fear of helplessness.







2. Tell your partner that you have some fear arising inside of you, and share those fears. Own your fears instead of blaming your partner. For example, say ‘I am feeling afraid of a loss of control of our finances’ instead of ‘You always have to be the boss with our money.’




3. Listen to your partner’s fears. Do not try to minimize, negate or ‘fix’ the fears. Do not try to bully your partner’s fear into submission. Do not belittle, humiliate, shame, and threaten the fear. Do not make snide remarks such as ‘Oh, you are always afraid of something,’ or ‘Why can’t you just relax and be happy for once?’ By trying to run the fear out of town, this technique to try to avoid a difficult conversation will backfire and leave you with a bigger mess.

4. Recognize that your partner’s fears are likely to trigger your own fears. For example, if your partner voices a fear of boredom, you may interpret this to mean that he or she is judging you as not being interesting enough, and you may feel a deep fear of rejection. It is important that you do not take over the whole discussion with your reaction-fear, and leave no space for your partner’s fear. On the other hand, it is also important that you make some room for your own fear, letting your partner know how you feel.




5. Focus on the fear and do not get detoured into specific details of the relationship. For example, don’t let ‘I feel fear of loss of control of our finances’ turn into ‘Why can’t you stop spending money on golf?’ Plan to discuss concrete and practical relationship issues at another time, when fear is not running the show. (And then stick to that plan!)




6. Contain the fears within boundaries. Recognize that these ‘fear’ talks will occur regularly throughout the course of the relationship, but keep each discussion within a reasonable time limit, such as 10 to 20 minutes. Kindly support each other to move on and enjoy life once the fears have been named and heard. Don’t set the boundary with anger and bullying by saying things like ‘Aren’t we done with this yet? Can’t you just let it go already?’ If one person is not done processing, gently but firmly plan for another time to talk the next day.




No one is very good at this. It goes against our lifelong patterns that have been set up to push fear away. Even if we move slowly in this direction, however, it can lead to a triumph of love over the destructive potential of fear, and make the difference between a relationship living or dying. That is not to say that love and acceptance transforms fear into rainbows and butterflies. Even within the arms of love, fear is still raw, painful, and deeply unsettling. But when fear becomes an accepted ‘citizen’ in the relationship, it is no longer the enemy. It’s just the colicky baby that needs your time and attention once in a while.




By DANIELLE B. GROSSMAN, MFT

reasons why African women continue to be fat

Black men are notorious for saying that they like women with a little meat on their bones. So, being five-foot five, 200 pounds can actually be a good thing for black women and a bad thing for everyone else.

Hair: Have you ever heard a woman say that she can’t exercise because she doesn’t want to sweat out her hair? Do you know that by not exercising, every toxic piece of grease, fat and red meat you consume simply marinates inside your body and rots you to the core? I know that’s disgusting, but the point has to be made.

Culture: Black men are notorious for saying that they like women with a little meat on their bones. So, being five-foot five, 200 pounds can actually be a good thing for black women and a bad thing for everyone else. Black women are as beautiful as they come and can carry the weight while still being attractive, but we can’t pretend that obesity is good.

The food we eat: Grandm’s soul food is so good that it tastes better than candy. But that same food also killed your great aunt last summer. Maybe it’s time to consider something else.

We don’t want to talk about it: Many women don’t like being criticized. There isn’t much more to say than that without sounding critical.

more