Five relationship-ending red flags

It’s entirely normal for anyone to feel jittery when getting into a committed relationship — heck, you’re saying goodbye to dating and the single life (at least for now). But if you can’t shake the feeling that devoting yourself to just one person might be a big mistake, it might be time to re-think making such an important commitment right now. Below, you’ll find five scenarios where ending your relationship may actually be a good idea... and doing it sooner could spare yourself from heartbreak down the road:

Red Flag #1: You and your partner have differing views on family
If you love having weekly Sunday dinners with your folks while he’d rather spend them at home watching football (or your sweetie would like to have six kids, but you’re not even sure you want one), these issues won’t likely get resolved — or even slightly change — once you’re committed and cohabitating together. In fact, they’re probably going to become more contentious if you get married, says Patrick Schneid, a dating and relationships coach in Washington D.C. “Many couples enter into a relationship with completely different notions about family — including how they relate to their parents and siblings as well as the future family they hope to have with their potential husband or wife,” he explains. “These couples usually assume that everything will work out because they love each other. However, love isn’t always enough to make that relationship a healthy one. You and your partner must essentially be on the same page about the roles you’d like your respective families to play in your own lives as well as the family you envision creating together as a couple. If you’re on different wavelengths when it comes to these issues, I can almost guarantee your marriage will be a rocky one — if it lasts at all.”

Related: How to know if you should stay  

Red Flag #2: Your partner has a history of being unfaithful
According to Dr. Terri Orbuch, relationship expert and author of Finding Love Again: 6 Simple Steps to a New and Happy Relationship, trust is perhaps the most important and essential aspect of any successful long-term relationship. “When you trust someone, it means that you believe that person tells you the truth, won’t hurt or deceive you, and has your best interests at heart,” she says. “If a betrayal of trust happens, you probably want to take a step back and either end the relationship (or postpone the wedding, if you’re already engaged) so you can see what’s going on with your romance, your partner, or your partner’s inability to be honest and dependable.” Take this time to discover what’s really happening with your beloved and consider whether he or she is sincerely remorseful and apologetic about any questionable behaviors before you commit to being each other’s one and only.

Related: Confessions: 7 reasons why women cheat

Red Flag #3: Your partner’s been caught engaging in risky behavior
It should go without saying that if your partner is routinely engaging in sketchy, scary or harmful behavior, it’s a good idea to reconsider being in a committed relationship with this person. However, many engaged folks believe that these behaviors may abate over time after they’re married, or that their love is enough to inspire their partner to change for the better once they move into their first shared home. Not so, says Dr. Mary Ellen O’Toole, coauthor of Dangerous Instincts: How Our Gut Feelings Betray Us: “If your partner is demonstrating signs of physical aggression toward others, drug and/or alcohol abuse, criminal behavior or other unsavory or even illegal activities, choosing to partner up with this person for the rest of your life isn’t just unwise — it’s actually dangerous.” If this sounds familiar to you, it may be time for you to get out — and the sooner, the better, O’Toole advises, because finding a way to break up now ensures he or she can’t put you in harm’s way later on.

Related: 10 reasons to dump a guy... immediately!

Red Flag #4: Your partner is unable to handle conflict or stress in healthy ways
Before you walk down the aisle together, take a good look at how the two of you manage stress and disagreements. “How both of you behave when you have a disagreement now says a lot about how you will — or won’t — resolve problems in the future,” says Dr. Orbuch. Because life constantly throws curveballs at us, the odds are good that both you and your partner will encounter stressful situations once you’re living together. Weathering those storms in a positive way is essential, says Dr. Orbuch. “If your partner handles disagreements with others (or with you) in a destructive way — i.e., by cursing, screaming, or talking down to the other person — you may want to reconsider whether this is really a future you’d like to sign up for,” she says. “A good relationship is one where the two of you fight fair,” asserts Dr. Orbuch. “My research also shows that you are more than twice as likely to break up over time if you handle conflict in a destructive way.”

Related: Traits unhappy couples have in common

Red Flag #5: Your family and/or friends really dislike your partner
While even the most charming, genuine people can occasionally rub others the wrong way, if the majority of your family and friends think that your partner isn’t nearly good enough for you, don’t assume they’re just trying to give you a hard time (or simply aren’t happy for you). “Often, when people are coming to love from a desperate place — perhaps they’re on the rebound, or worried that this may be their last chance at love before they’re too old to have a family — they choose partners who aren’t right for them,” says Schneid. “The problem is that because they’re seeking love out of a sense of desperation or loneliness, they’re able to convince themselves that this person is the key to their future happiness and therefore overlook that person’s deficiencies (however big or small they may actually be). Sometimes, the only people who can help pull someone out of this kind of delusion are that person’s family members or friends.” So if loved ones that you trust and whose opinions you value highly tell you that they’re not as sure about your choice of partner as you are, listen to them. “It’s worth hearing them out — especially before you walk down that aisle towards spending a lifetime with someone who may not be your true Mr. or Ms. Forever,” advises Schneid. 

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The Many Séxual Problems Of Ladies And The Way Out

The media tends to present séx as easy, good and spontáneous, implying that we all should always be in the mood for it. If only séx were that simple!

The issues of intimácy are of interest and concern to both men and women...
Many knowledgeable doctors now recognise the interrelationship between séx, séxuality and level of health, vitality and function of their patients’ lives. Many doctors now realise that séxual satisfaction is an indicator of overall health and are now including the area of séxuality in patients’ medical histories.

Doctors now evaluate patients with a view to not only help them with their presenting complaints, but to also look for opportunities to enhance and improve their séx life at the same time. Many patients, both male and female, are, however, uncomfortable with giving the details of this very personal area of their life. They may often just answer ‘Fine,’ ‘OK’ and ‘No problem’ when confronted with the séxual part of the medical questionnaire, even when all is not well with their séx life.

The overall attitude of secrecy, shame and uncertainty about the role of séxuality in overall health can be well summarised by a recent letter received by a physician”

“I am 52 years of age and so is my husband. It is about our séx life. It just seems like it’s gone. Is that normal for our age or can we be low on certain vitamins? Is there something we can get to boost our séx drive? We always had a good séx life and now it is totally gone.”

Participating in séxual activities is a good indicator of overall vitality. Loss of interest in séx is a very negative sign for a person’s good health and longevity. Blockages in séxual energy will often manifest as deterioration in general health or mental state.

As reflected in the e-mail, there is a general myth that séxual energy wanes and disappears with age. The e-mailer and her husband are only 52 years old, yet she wonders whether a séx life that is “just gone” might be normal for that age.

Well, it’s not normal for that age, or any other age for that matter. Continuing to have good health involves continuing to have a séx drive. Many things can sabotage a normal and enjoyable séx life. If you and your partner are experiencing problems with séx, you are not alone. Recent studies reveal that nearly 40 to 90 per cent of women of all ages report having séxual problems.

Many women experience séxual difficulties at some point in their lives. During menopause, as many as half of all women, or even more, may experience séxual dysfunction. Séxual function is no exception. At age 60, for example, one’s sexuál needs, patterns and performance may not be the same as they were when one was half that age.

What are female séxual problems?
There are a variety of séxual problems that women experience, either alone or with a partner. The term “séx” is not limited to just intercourse, and can also refer to a variety of intimate séxual activities such as fondling, self stimulation or masturbation and oral séx.

Séxual problems are generally defined as any problem that occurs in the course of séxual activity, including not being in the mood, trouble becoming aroused, which usually involves being too dry; difficulty having orgasms, pain during séx or pain related to séxual activity.

Most women experience these from time to time. It is when they are persistent that they become problematic for the woman and her partner. You should seek help promptly if you are experiencing physical pain.

Defining the problems
Séxual dysfunction is defined simply as a persistent or recurrent problem during one or more of the stages of having séx. It is not considered a séxual disorder unless you are distressed about it or if it negatively affects your relationship with your partner. Female Séxual Dysfunction occurs in women of all ages.

Doctors and séx therapists generally divide séxual dysfunction in women into four categories. These are:

Low séxual desire
In this case, you have poor libido, or lack séx drive. This is the most common type of séxual disorder among women and it accounts for 87.2 per cent of cases of FSD. It is the persistent or recurrent lack of séxual thoughts and/or receptivity to séxual activity, which causes personal distress. Low séxual desire may result from endocrine failure and may be associated with psychological or emotional disorders. Séxual aversion disorder is a subcategory of low séxual desire.

Séxual árousal disorder
In this situation, your desire for séx might be intact, but you’re unable to become ároused or maintain árousal during séxual activity. It is persistent or recurrent inability to reach or maintain séxual excitement, which causes personal distress. This disorder includes poor váginal lubrication, decreased genital sensation and poor váginal muscle relaxation. Arousál disorders are most commonly physiological and can often result from medications, pelvic disorders, as well as neural and peripheral vascular diseases and accounts for 74.7 per cent of FSD.

FSD with orgasmic disorder, which accounts for 83.3 per cent of cases of FSD, comes with persistent or recurrent difficulty in achieving orgasm after sufficient séxual arousál and ongoing stimulation. This causes personal distress and trauma to nerves. Pelvic surgery and spinal cord injury can be associated with orgasmic failure.

There is séxual pain disorder in which the vágina is painful after being séxually stimulated or touched. Subcategories include painful intercourse and vágina spásm. This may be caused by injuries during operations and physical or psychological trauma involving the pelvis. This accounts for 71.7 per cent of FSD.

MUST READ: 18 Categories Of Women Most Likely To Cheat

1. She has lots of close male friends - A significant number of affairs begin as close friendships with members of the opposite séx. The relationship may be platonic at the beginning, but chances are, it won’t stay that way. The closer the woman is to her platonic male friend, the more likely it is that he will eventually end up becoming her lover – unless he’s gay.

2. She has girlfriends who are cheating on their mates. - Never underestimate the power of peer pressure. Adults are susceptible to it, too. If a woman has one or more close female friends who are cheating on their husbands or boyfriends, she may eventually start cheating, too.

3. She has an excessive need for attention. – A woman who constantly craves attention may cheat on her mate if she feels she’s not getting enough attention from him. She will be easy prey for any man who showers with her the attention she feels she deserves. 

4. She’s materialistic. - A materialistic woman is likely to have an affair with a wealthy man because of the material things he can provide. She can easily be seduced with jewelry, designer clothes, lavish vacations, or the cash to buy these and other expensive things.

5. She views séx as a statement of her femininity. - Her identity as a woman is tied to how many men she sleeps with. Seducing men to sleep with her is the focal point of her life. With this mental attitude, it’s hard for her to stay faithful to just one man.

6. She’s a thrill seeker or a risk taker. - If she’s the type who likes to live dangerously, she’ll cheat just for the thrill of it, or for the excitement of doing something forbidden, or for the challenge of seeing if she can pull it off without getting caught. She views infidelity as other people would view a high-risk sport.

7. She’s easily bored. – A woman who is easily bored, or who leads a dull, routine life may cheat on her mate just to alleviate her boredom or add some excitement to her life.

8. She has been cheated on by her mate. – If a woman’s husband or boyfriend has cheated on her, she may try to even the score by cheating on him in return. Many women who have been victims of infidelity will indulge in retaliatory cheating or have revenge affairs. 

9. She likes being the center of attention. – If a woman thrives on being the center of attention at all times, she is séxually vulnerable to any man who fawns over her, or makes her feel like she’s #1

10. She’s addicted to alcohol or drugs. – Women who are substance abusers are much more likely to end up cheating on their mates. Female alcoholics are susceptible to infidelity because their inhibitions will be lowered and their judgment impaired. Female drug addicts may sell their bodies for drugs. Either type of woman is likely to cheat without realizing what she’s doing. 

11. She has a reputation as a “party girl.” - If she’s the type of woman who runs with a fast crowd, or parties all the time, or hangs out until the wee hours of the night, her lifestyle makes her vulnerable to having an affair.

12. She’s a séx addict. - Women can be séx addicts, too. It’s an addiction that affects at least 6% of the American population. In the past these women were referred to as nymphomaniacs. This is a medical condition that requires professional medical help.

13. She has a séx drive greater than her partner’s. – If her séx drive greatly exceeds the séx drive of her husband or boyfriend, or her spouse or significant other is lacking in bedroom skills, she’s much more likely to cheat on her mate. She’ll find another man to make up for her mate’s deficiency.

14. She’s had lots of séxual experience. - If she has led a very active séx life, or has had lots of séx partners before settling down, she will find it extremely difficult to stay faithful to just one man.

15. She cheated before and got away with it. - That old saying “ Once a cheater, always a cheater will apply if she cheated in the past and didn’t suffer any negative consequences as a result of her infidelity. If she cheated before and didn’t get caught, she’s more likely to cheat again. The same applies if she cheated and her man readily forgave her without holding her accountable for her infidelity.

16. She has a big ego. - If she’s extremely egotistic, any man who feeds her inflated ego can easily get her into bed.

17. She suffers from low self esteem. - The opposite characteristic is also a danger sign. If she suffers from low-self esteem, she will be easy prey for the man who flatters her, makes her feel good about herself, and boosts her self esteem. 

18. She views séx as a game. In her mind, séx is not connected to love. Séx is just a game in which she gets points for every man she beds. Even though she may be in love with her partner, she’ll have séx with as many men as possible so she can gain the maximum number of points and win the game.

The more of the above categories your wife or girlfriend fits into, the more likely it is that she will cheat on you.

The way to a woman’s heart

I began to think about the way to a woman’s heart. How come there isn’t a “the way to a woman’s heart is…” saying? Had you ever thought of that? So I began to ask myself what a guy would have to do to get to my heart.

I had a random thought today. You know they say “the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach”, yeah?  As cliché as it sounds, I actually believe it is true. No matter how out-there, eccentric, or just plain “cool” (however you define that) a guy is, a big part of him wants a woman who can cook – for him. And I actually think it goes beyond the act of cooking. I believe it’s more of the nurturing attitude behind the cooking that attracts guys.

But that wasn’t the entirety of my thought. I began to think about the way to a woman’s heart. How come there isn’t a “the way to a woman’s heart is…” saying? Had you ever thought of that? So I began to ask myself what a guy would have to do to get to my heart. It seems like with women, it’s a little more complicated and not as straightforward as with the guys. For me, I’m super particular about the little things a guy does cos you know “actions speak louder than words”. I started to wonder if it was the same for other women but I highly doubt it. I believe the way to a woman’s heart varies from woman to woman.

This is probably why a guy might feel like even though he’s doing what he thinks is the right thing to do to “win” her over, it’s not working. The reason is what works for one woman might not even move another. So sorry guys, I ain’t got no formula to share. I really wish I could say to the guys that here’s the one thing you need to do to get to a woman’s heart but I can’t. And I think that’s probably what makes “the chase” a little more exciting. If a guy wants to get to a girl’s heart, he’s going to have to figure out what warms her heart and makes it smile. He’s gonna have to pay very close attention. In some cases, and this is very important, he’s going to have to throw out all he thought he knew about women to “win” this woman. Oh, and note I said what makes her heart smile. Selah J

This isn’t to say that the only thing guys look for is a nurturing woman but I’d like to believe (and I think someone said something similar to me recently) that if  a guy has to pick between two girls, he would most likely pick the more nurturing one of the two.

So, there you have it. I guess there’s not formula for this one. Sorry guys. But hey, love is an adventure so you gotta discover the way to a woman’s heart.

But I’d like to hear from you ladies; what’s the way to your heart? What does a guy have to do to make your heart smile and even possibly “win” you over?

Opinion: Friends, how many of us have them?

Those you call friends and they look out for you. They are like, have you tried this? have you seen this? The go out of their way for you when you need help.

There are different breeds of human beings on this planet earth. I have been opportuned to meet quite a few in my over four decades of existence. Now, this is not extolling, nor targeting any particular individual or individuals but an attempt within the ambience of my experiential interaction to compartmentalize and sort of document certain behavioral characteristics that I have come across.

These individuals in perspective are/were colleagues, friends or relations. Now I like to say here again that the impact may be north or south bound (that’s an expression I recently picked up from a friend of mine) depending on how the person in the question received it and the extent it is allowed. I once heard this from a famous preacher some years back; If some throws you into a pit and attempts to cover you up, each time he/she throws dirt at you, just shake it off and step on it. In no time you will be out of the ditch!

Now, to those friends, there are those you don’t see in months, years and when you call or meet, it is like you haven’t missed out on anything. You pick up instantly and you talk just about everything and anything heartily and cheerfully and then the break again, but no hard or ill feelings!

Those you call friends and you really don’t want to talk to them but somehow, you just have to. So you are on red alert each time you engage them in any form. You are so careful you almost need a lawyer by your side to validate what you say or need to say. The reason is simple, this friend or friends cares less about you, not one bit, he/she is just collecting stuffs about you and will sooner use them against you. It is like collecting points to spend at the supermarket. You might say why care about such people, after all, when people talk about you there is a reason. Yes, that is correct, right or wrong reasons, it can be either. Painful point though is that you really didn’t think this the information they unwittingly gathered about you will be used to their advantage.

Those you call friends and they compete with you, ever step you take is a challenge for them. Healthy competition is fine mind you. But these category of friends just want to keep you down there. When they see opportunity that may be beneficial to you even when they can’t use it in a million years, but because it may take you above them or bring you at par, they refuse to hand it to you. They are all about themselves and even go out of their way to check on your progress once in a while, just to be sure you haven’t caught up. At times they offer to help you out on stuff and deliberately sabotage it or stall it. They even advise you wrongly just to ensure you arrive later than expected at the finish line. These friends rub it in at every opportunity they get, they are the “I told you so” people.

Those you call friends and they look out for you. They are like, have you tried this? Have you seen this? They go out of their way for you when you need help. Your secret is safe with them and you can share knowing they won’t tell. They will stand for you even when you are wrong and chide you later. They won’t talk bad about you even for the glory of it. If they ever have to call you to order, just know you have truly reached your limit and something needs to be done quickly. Telling you the truth has never been a difficult thing for them and being yourself with them is like second nature. These category of friends don’t compete with you. They are like a brother/sister, no, sometimes better! They are very few of them around and not many of us have them.

If your partner snores, don’t get mad, get help

Have you ever shared the same room with someone who snores? Those who have will readily confess that it’s an unpleasant experience. Snoring can be a bore to the person sharing the bed or room with the snorer because while the latter seems to sleep soundly, the ‘room mate’ likely tosses about, waiting for the first light of dawn.

Men snore more than men, researchers say. And it could be a distraught experience for a woman, especially after a bout of … ahem, when the man drifts into a sound sleep, while the woman remains awake with his limp arm still wrapped around her in an unconscious state of being!

However, researchers counsel that if your partner snores, instead of getting mad at the irritating condition, get help very quickly, because snoring is a risky medical condition that happens when air flows past relaxed tissues in your throat, causing the tissues to vibrate as you breathe, creating the irritating sounds.

They warn that the situation is dangerous because when you snore, your breathing becomes shallow or even stops for a while during the night, which can lead to death if you don’t wake up within five minutes of breath cessation.

Scientists note that up to 80 per cent of men snore at some time, double the number of women, while about 40 per cent of men snore every night. This is mainly because men have narrower air passages than women, they note.

Sleep disorder specialist, Dr. Debo Sanusi, notes that snoring is caused by a combination of factors, including body position and alcohol. “When you snore, you can’t move air freely through your nose and mouth during sleep,” he warns.

Another specialist in the disorder, Dr. Andrew Veale, of the New Zealand Respiratory and Sleep Institute, says it could also be as result of certain genes passed down the family tree.

“The most important thing is the inherited shape of your face and neck. So, if dad is a snorer and you resemble him, you’re in deep strife,” Veale warns. He says further that this is because a narrow throat, a cleft palate, enlarged adenoids, and other physical attributes that contribute to snoring are often hereditary.

Sanusi notes that alcohol is a muscle relaxer that eases the tension in the muscles of the airway, inevitably leading to snoring. He says as an individual increases his alcohol consumption, the tissues in his throat become much more ‘floppy,’ making it inevitable for him to snore as he sleeps.

Otolaryngologists say people who snore may have developed obstructive sleep apnea (a breathing obstruction, causing the sleeper to keep waking up to begin breathing again), which increases the risk of developing heart disease.

Researchers at Henry Ford Hospital in Detroit, USA, also warns that in addition to heart disease, snorers stand the risk of developing stroke!

Worse still, physicians warn, snoring can make the snorer susceptible to death by cancer. A study presented at the American Thoracic Society conference concludes that people with severe sleep apnea are almost five times as likely to die of cancer as those who breathe easy while they sleep.

The lead researcher, Dr. Javier Nieto, of the University of Wisconsin-Madison School of Medicine and Public Health, says his team tracked 1,500 people for 22 years, and found that apnea reduces the oxygen level in the blood. “When the body senses this, to avoid suffocating, tumours grow new blood vessels. These extra veins and arteries help existing tumours grow faster and give cancer cells more opportunities to spread through the bloodstream to new parts of the body,” Nieto explains.

Apart from alcohol and gene, other things that are responsible for snoring include age. Experts warn that as you reach middle age and beyond, your throat becomes narrower, and the muscle tone in your throat decreases, leading to the possibility of becoming a snorer.

Physicians also say if you have nasal and sinus problems, the blocked airways make inhalation difficult and create a vacuum in the throat, leading to snoring.

And if you are overweight, it’s bad news all the way, as the fatty tissue and poor muscle tone contribute to snoring.

Doctors also say that smoking and certain medications can increase muscle relaxation, leading to more snoring. And if you are the type that sleeps flat on your back, this habit will cause the flesh of your throat to relax and block the airway, resulting inevitably in snoring.

While the Nieto team says more research is needed to confirm their suspicion that snoring may cause cancer, they agree that snoring is cause for concern, as it could lead to accidents, depression, high blood pressure, and heart disease.

They counsel, “If you snore and are sleepy during the day, check with your doctor, especially if you’re overweight — a situation that increases sleep apnea risk.

Sanusi also notes that signs of sleep apnea include grumpiness, forgetfulness, and headaches that are hard to shake off.

Confessions of a porn loving woman (and why she’s not alone)

Confession: My name is Feminista Jones and I love watching porn. Porn in this instance refers to sexually explicit videos featuring men and women engaging in various types of kinky, sexy activity. I’m not a fan of magazines and still images, but I absolutely love watching people get it on. I’ve opened up about my voyeurism, and definitely admit that I’m highly aroused by being able to get a sneak peek into the sex lives of others. For most people, watching porn is about indulging in a fantasy or a sexy illusion that arouses one’s senses.  Others just want something fun to watch or seek to satisfy a lingering curiosity.

The longstanding stereotype that porn is just for men is simply untrue. Women absolutely do watch X-rated movies, and not just the softcore stuff either. According to a study conducted by Dr. Gomathi Sitharthan at the University of Sydney’s Graduate Program in Sexual Health, at least one in three women watches porn. She cites Internet accessibility as one of the contributing factors to the increase in viewing in recent years. This is true enough, as anyone can now access hundreds of thousands of videos via snippet sites that allow users to upload video clips and share with others for free. And even despite the ease with which people can now access these videos, CNBC reports that the porn industry is still estimated to take in over $14 billion a year in revenue.

I became interested in the porn-viewing habits of women, especially women of color, because I often see women and men talk about it with hesitation. I did a quick survey of my Twitter followers and received 206 responses to six questions about viewing habits and preferences.

What Do Women Like to Watch and Why?

Think most heterosexual women are checking out X-rated movies primarily to see fit, well-built, sexy men? Think again. Dr. Meredith Chivers found that the gender of the participants in porn didn’t matter much to the women watching. Women respond to the level of activity before they respond to the gender of the actors doing the activities, she found. This might explain why 53% of the women report enjoying lesbian scenes (at least two women, no men present) as one of their top three genres. I also found that 14.5% of the women enjoy watching gay scenes (at least two men, no women present), and 30% of the women enjoy watching group sex scenes (several men and women) or gangbangs (one woman, several men).

The longstanding stereotype that porn is just for men is simply untrue. Women absolutely do watch X-rated movies, and not just the softcore stuff either.

Women also report enjoying “ethnic” scenes, or scenes focused heavily on African-Americans and Latino/a-Americans. This category had the biggest response, with 68% of the women indicating it is in their top three favorites. There’s a level of cultural affinity associated with the visual it seems, and if women are focusing on the fantasy aspect of porn, it might be easier to connect to the actors who are of the same race/ethnicity or women they’re used to seeing in their daily lives.

I also asked the women to choose their top two reasons for watching these movies. The large majority (82%) said they watch porn to masturbate, which speaks to the arousing stimulation watching people have sex provides. The survey revealed that 43.2% of women also thought of porn as something simply fun to watch, while 38.3 % of women said they watch porn to learn new tricks and techniques. I’d recommend any woman looking for something new and exciting to try in the bedroom to check out some of those steamy clips and see what you can reenact the next time.

What About the Stigma?

Many women feel that porn degrades women, and struggle with reconciling the arousal they experience with the reality of the images depicted. About 32% of the women surveyed say they avoid porn that degrades women, while 27% say they don’t feel bad watching porn that features women being degraded because they choose to make the videos. Even more interesting is that 25% of women say they feel bad about the women being degraded but are still aroused, and 21% say they actually get off on the images of women being sexually degraded.

Approximately 13 million women check out at least one porn site per month, according to Nielsen ratings. “Porn provides an alternative way for women to satisfy their curiosity, learn more about sexuality, and explore sexual desires and sexual positions in the privacy of their home alone or with a partner,” says TaMara Campbell. According to my own survey, 50% of women prefer to watch porn alone, most likely because they prefer to masturbate while doing it.

Of those who do watch with someone else, 74% say they are comfortable with their preferences and don’t mind sharing with a partner. Further analysis shows that the remaining women who don’t

feel comfortable sharing their preferences with a partner tend to prefer scenes featuring BDSM/kink, gay male sex and taboo situations (incest, rape fantasies, etc).

Women are increasingly taking ownership of their sexuality and pleasure. They’re no longer waiting for sex to be done to them; they are making it happen for them in ways that not only get them off but empower them. Like with anything in excess, some women can develop addictive habits around watching porn, and I caution anyone experiencing this to reach out and get help. There are many resources available for people with sexual addictions, and porn addiction is a very real issue in relationships.

That said, women shouldn’t feel like they’re alone in their porn watching or in their preferences. No matter the scene or the kink, there are other women out there enjoying the view just the same and getting off. Remember to be safe, be aware, and above all feel free to explore the various cinematic fantasies that might excite you.

8 Things Women Desperately Want From Men

Someone once said 'To generalize on women is dangerous. To specialize on them is infinitely worse'.

Well, what women want still remains the unanswered question across the globe. However, men needn't lose hope for all is not lost. There are still a good number of things that most women like. Here are a few from the long list which can perhaps help you make her fall head over heels in love with you. Take your pick to woo and sweep her off her feet!

Superman: Women love to be protected. So show in more ways than one to prove that you will be her saviour should your damsel land in distress! Women are always in awe of men who can step up in times of conflicts. Be sure you grab every opportunity that situation throws at you.

Smell good: Deodorant Ads may be going overboard showing men being lured by women's perfume. But the other way is also true. Choose a deo that suits you. Especially if it's your first date, it's best not to try anything experimental. Know what smells best on you. Remember, what smelt heavenly on your friend might stink on your skin! For everything depends on your body odour. When you spray perfume on your body, what you smell is a combination of the deo spray and your body odour. Choose wise.

Surprises galore: Women love surprises be it chocolates, love notes, gifts or even a bouquet of flowers. Women don't mind them in any numbers. You are sure to score brownie points with this one!

Transparency: Honesty is still the best policy. Never lie to her if you are thinking of a long-term relationship. Never mind you will face some initial flak, but eventually you will win over her trust.

Perfect body: What with the celebrities being obsessed with getting a six pack or eight pack abs, girls too go ga ga over men with a well-toned body. Get into the habit of regular workout so you can make heads turn!

Dress well: Nothing turns off a women than a poorly-dressed man. Do a style-check, spot the trends in fashion, speak to a stylist to find out what looks best on you. Clothes maketh man literally!

Crowning glory: Nothing like a funky haircut! A good hairstyle can give you a different look altogether. What are you waiting for? Get that stunner look so you can impress that chick you have been eyeing.

Magic of your hands: You might have taken your girlfriend to the hottest restaurants in town, yet she will not mind if you can cook one of her favourite dishes (or even plain instant noodles) when she's hungry. Such moments are never forgotten.

There's a joke doing the rounds that 'A woman's mind is cleaner than a man's That's because she changes it more often'. However, there are some things that remain constant.

The Top 10 Things That Men Want From Women -- The Brutal Truth

1 SÉX

Admit it -- you saw this one coming. Yes, we want séx. Often. In fact, just about any time and any place. But there's more to it than just séx. We also like other signs of your affection, so hold hands with us or give us a spontanéous hug.

2 HONEST REACTIONS

Don't fake it with us. We can tell when you do.

3 COMPLIMENTS

Men want to be complimented just as much as women do. When we look good, tell us.

4 LAUGHTER

Make us laugh! A sense of humor is a wonderful thing, and a woman with a good one is extremely appealing.

5 ACCEPTANCE

We want you to accept us as we are, not think of us as someone you can renovate. Yes, we have faults -- but look past them. We want you to accept us for the men wealready are and are working to become.

6 HONESTY

There's no real basis for a relationship without honesty, and it starts when we first meet. If you're truly interested, don't start out playing hard-to-get.

7 SPACE

Don't crowd us. Men like time and space with their friends, and even time alone. Women who require men to spend every minute with them need to get a life of their own.

8 COMMUNICATION

Go ahead and express yourself. Your man may not always agree with you, but it probably makes him proud that you can stand up for yourself. Strong women are séxy!

9 BELIEF

If you love your man, believe in his dreams as much as he believes in yours.

10 TRUST

If you can't trust each other, the relationship is doomed. Take his word for it and don't constantly check up on him or try to trick him. Trust is respect, and both parties in a relationship deserve to be respected.

Twist And A Tale ... relationship

…

Never had the intention of writing this piece, but I think it is of paramount importance that a “sensitive” issue like this be discussed. The motivation behind this piece is the so-called “relationships” that surround us in our society, our higher institutions in general.

It has left the era of normality and has escalated into something outrageous and alarming. I know the concept of a relationship is quite inviting and gives whoever is in it a level of contentment but in this new generation it has been abused in all sense.

I thought I had no business peering into issues like this till I met Ade(not his real name of course!) His story was brief but enough to motivate me to pick up my pen. In this piece of writing, is a tale of a young man, the same plight echoed by a million of Nigerian guys probably too lost in the dark to seek the light.

Ade is your everyday guy, the kind of guy you stand on a queue with at the ATM, or pass by on your way to the library, level-headed and the kind of guy that works all week but never forgets to have fun when he can. He came to school with so many resolutions and one of them was to stay away from the ladies (at least not have anything serious with them) and it worked well for him for quite a while till he met Hilda (not her real name). Hilda was “different”, she was cute, smart and didn’t pay much attention to make-up and clothes. He thought she was too good to be true because he connected so well with her and never for a moment doubted the feelings he had for her. He just knew they were meant for each other.

Ade told me when he met Hilda it was like the movie “The adjustment bureau”, he just knew he wasn’t going to let go, everything was beautiful, their relationship was a perfect portrait of what a blissful relationship should be, but maybe that was where he erred, he was in too deep to see the truth that he didn’t notice anything suspicious with the excess money she always had on her.

Ade is a “normal” guy financially, with enough money for himself, so when he started dating Hilda, he knew he was going to have to put more in. Now this is where the story gets interesting. Hilda never asked for anything from him and even when he offered her money, she always turned him down. He just assumed that Hilda was being considerate and whenever his friends came to him lamenting how their ladies were milking them out he always thought he was so fortunate to have a girl like Hilda in his life; in his subconscious he was already picturing what their wedding day would be like, he was certain he wanted to spend the rest of his life with Hilda.

Now, Hilda had this habit of going “home”(that’s probably the best word to use) to spend the weekend with her family and Ade never questioned her whenever she picked up her bag on Friday afternoons and she always returned on Sundays reimbursed (she told him her parents put her on a weekly allowance) so he didn’t mind. Now you see, fate has a way of exposing us to the truth just when we are either blind or weak to face it and on this very day, fate set in.

Ade always had this habit of hanging out with friends on Friday evenings (after-all, he was always bored considering the fact that Hilda was never around) but he never strayed too far, always restricted his fun to the confines of his neighborhood. He told me he probably won’t forget that day for the rest of his life. That Friday evening, a course mate of his was throwing a birthday party in town, so they had to go all the way to town to have maximum fun. Usually he always kept Hilda informed of his movements but that day he had a flat battery and just couldn’t get across to her so he left without placing the “usual” phone call to her informing her of his where-about.

The party was at a cosy bar in an exquisite hotel and when they arrived, the party kicked off. They drank their souls out that night and just when Ade thought he was having so much fun the worst thing happened. Now I’m sure by now your probably scrolling down your phone or your lappy so fast wanting to see how the story ends not caring a bit for this young man but that’s the whole idea, that’s why I chose to write this in the first place to see if I’m the only one with the “hard heart”. You see when he shared this story with me I didn’t care much I just found it so intriguing, just couldn’t wait to see how it was going to unravel itself.

Now back to the story, in the midst of the whole fun Ade saw some cars drive into the hotel and what caught his attention was the “Cadillac.” He was quite passionate about that brand and always envisaged having one and just as he was about to take his gaze off the car he saw someone step out and to his utmost surprise it was Hilda! But you see this was not the Hilda he knew ,the Hilda he knew would never be caught dead in a skimpy skirt or wearing heavy make-up, he was certain she was just a look-alike, especially when he saw the man she was with – He was just too old, fat and with a pot-belly(Hilda always had a dislike for pot-bellies) but I guess the alcohol he had been drinking all night increased his adrenaline level so he decided to go closer and when he got close enough there she was. She was clearly the one and just then she noticed him, you could see the shock written in her eyes, they just stood there for half a second but to Ade it was like eternity, he simply couldn’t believe his eyes and for the first time in a long while he burst into tears. He knew he was a man and he shouldn’t cry but he just couldn’t control them, probably it was the alcohol, he wasn’t sure. According to him his friends had to drag him away from the scene that was the worst night of his life. The next morning she just moved her things away from his room silently without pleading for forgiveness or offering any explanation and that was the end of their 2 years old relationship. He wasn’t going to get the “fairy-tale” ending he had always dreamt of, his decent, cute and “considerate” lady was a whore!

Now here is the bitter part, first of all I must say I’m no saint and I don’t write for your appraisal, I think love is very sacred and should be treated as such, you don’t play with peoples emotions just as you want, we all grew up reading tales from Shakespeare and I’m sure we all enjoyed the now “extinct” love exhibited in some of those stories and as for the whole “runs-girl ish,” its now outrageous. In the 90′s it was called “sugar-daddy” and was less popular, even its name was as sacred as Lord Voldermot’s in “Harry Porter” but in today’s society it has become a normality, it has exceeded the era of whispers, it’s now something people brag about. “How rich is your daddy”, is now a popular phrase, you see it on Facebook posts, BBM pms, display pictures e.t.c. It is something that enhances your reputation as a lady and earns you the name “big girl” on campus.

Now I look at our present generation and notice that we have lost our priority. I am also a part of this generation and there’s this popular saying “that those who live in glass houses should not throw stones” but I’ve chosen to throw stones today hoping it breaks my own bit of glass, hoping it softens my conscience because the truth be told, we all are going to get married to ourselves (lolzzzz!!!). Nobody is going to profit from the generation before us, we are laying our beds so wrongly and we are going to lie in it someday. A word is enough for the wise they say, learn to cut your coat according to your size and be content with what you have. I would leave you today with a famous quote from John Quincy Adams “Patience and perseverance have a magical effect before which difficulties disappear and obstacles vanish”.