10 (scientific) ways to have better séx

When a man goes down on his partner, he should be enthusíastic, tell her how beautiful she is and how great she tastes. Don’t treat it like a chore.

Tell Her She Looks (and Tastes) Great

“It’s been proven that women who feel confident about the appearance of their genítals are more open to different kinds of séxual activity, and are more likely to orgásm because they feel relaxed… When a man goes down on his partner, he should be enthusíastic, tell her how beautiful she is and how great she tastes. Don’t treat it like a chore.” —Debra Lynne Herbenick, Ph.D., Indiana University, Kinsey Institute

Use Your Ears


“The only difference between a gígolo and a regular guy is that a gígolo listens to what a woman wants in béd. So, ask. I would also advise that you to ask her while not in the bédroom — raise the discussion while out walking or doing some other casual yet íntimate thing together.”
—Dr. Helen Fisher, Department of Anthropology, Rutgers University

Touch Hér Evérywhere (with Oíl)


“Sénsual touching reléases a powerful séx hormoné called oxytocín, which increases a woman’s téstosterone levels and ignités her séx drive. The séductive silky feel of oil béing rubbéd on skin is a turn-on for more passionaté séx — for both of you.”
—Carol Cassell, Ph.D, former president of the Society for the Scientific Study of Séxuality, Western Region

Bring the Kitchen into the Bédroom

“árginine is the basis for Viágra, so men should stick with foods high in it — such as oysters, fish, and other lean proteins. Everything that’s good for you above the waist is good for you below the waist as well: greens and beans; high protein/low-fat foods; and brightly colored fruits and vegetables, high in ántioxidants. The Standard American Diet is … a detriment to performance.”
—Lynn Edlen-Nezin, Ph.D, co-author of Great Food, Great Séx

Take Your Time Undréssing


“There is a degree of manipulation when it comes to the amount of néurotransmitter released… Looking at a nudé picture will triggér a quick and strong release of dopaminé and possibly oxytocín, but it fades quickly… Let her work for it a little; she’ll enjoy the prolongéd néurological orgásm more.”
—Andrea Kuszewski, Behavior Therapist and Consultant, Boston, Massachusetts

Take a Showér


“There’s no proven human pheromone to make you irresistible… So, until one is found, wash well — you can have too much of a good thing. (But why not leave a worn T-shirt at her house? It will keep you always in her mind.)”
—Dr. Tristram Wyatt, Department of Zoology, University of Oxford

Create a Mood — Turn the Lights Down

“For women to get ároused, parts of their brains associated with stress and ánxiety need to de-activate, according to neurologicál studies in the Netherlands. If women aren’t relaxed, they’re not going to enjoy séx. So dim the lights and share a fántasy. A Harvard study found that when you hug a woman longer than thirty seconds, it increases her oxytocín levels and anticipation of séx.”
—Ian Kerner, Ph.D, FAACS, author of She Comes First: the Thinking Man’s Guide to Pleasuring a Woman

Reversé Cowgirl Position


“Find out what position of intércourse is most stimulating to her — it’s usually woman on top, facing away, also known as the reverse cowgirl. The angle of the pénis through the anterior/front wall of the vágina stimulátes the area of the G-spot.”
—Beverly Whipple, Ph.D, Professor Emerita at Rutgers University and co-author of The Science of Orgásm

Don’t Worry So Much — Intércourse Isn’t Everything

“If you’re thinking, ‘I hope it works! I hope it works!’ it’s not going to work. Take penetrative séx off the table for a month — do everything but that. Avoid making intércourse the be-all/end all. In most cases, once men stop worrying about it, it starts working. You can definitely stress yourself out of a boner.”
—Emily Wentzell, Assistant Professor of Anthropology, University of Iowa

Get Her Pregnant (On Purpose)


“If you’re trying to impregnate your wife or girlfriend, stop thrusting immediately after éjaculating. The shape of your pénis… was designed by natural selection to work as a retraction device, removing competing males’ spérm from your female partner’s váginal tract. So if you keep going at it after you’ve achieved orgásm, you’re basically disadvantaging your own reproductive success.”
—Jesse Bering, Ph.D, director, Institute of Cognition and Culture, Queen’s University, Belfast

The Perfect Picture

5 Types Of Men To Avoid On Social Media

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Hey Hey Hey My smile minds people ! I’m back again (I know I’m a trouble maker) but this time I bring good things in the form of advice. In 2013, in the age of twitter, facebook, instagram, myspace, blah blah blah it’s no surprise that a good number of the people we end up meeting and dating are from the virtual world.

If you want to lie to yourself then lie, but for those that do set P or intend to set P with those peeps online, here are some tips of type of guys to avoid.

1. Mr Noise Maker

Yes! This guy is always on every discussion that’s going on. Every fight, every game, every political discussion, everything he must talk. One has to wonder, does this guy have a life outside his phone or laptop? You can spot him by the 556k tweets he already has (most of them retweets of his replies) or the numerous updates that clog your minifeed. Chances are he’s a popular person on social media, but there is a greater chance that he’s a lamo in real life. Don’t believe me? Meet one of them. Hopefully you’ll get to have a full conversation without him constantly on his phone updating something.

Some call them twitter celebrities, me I call them noisemakers.

2. The I Hate Women Guy

You know you’ve seen them. Every excuse to bash a girl they are on it. Calling girls ashawos, hoes, etc. They get all the retweets and think ultimately they are making sense but in reality they come off as complete idiots. One has to wonder if these guys have mothers. On the flip side they rarely have anything positive to say about any woman, and in their books all women are evil. Frustration due to lack of P? Maybe. Who knows?

3. TMI

Oh-M-G!! These are the guys that don’t have a close lid on their page. If it’s on their mind they are sharing it. Be it issues at home, in their relationships, business, whatever. If there’s a problem, that ish is going on facebook, twitter, etc with immediate effect. In my opinion it’s just tacky, and who knows, maybe when/if you guys date, and break up and your whole gist will be on CNN & BBC the next morning. Yea, if you like your business to yourself, run from this guy when you see him.

4. Mr Big Baller

His profile has all the achievements he’s ever had in his life! If he won 10 naira in a competition, he’ll add “N10 winner 2013” to his bio & profile. He’s always bragging about how much he’s making, what he just bought, that he’s in VIP, who he’s chilling with, posting pics of cars he probably doesn’t own or houses he doesn’t live in. I mean I know social media is for sharing but jeez, no one needs to know if you just made 20 naira yesterday. That’s for yourself.

Reason to avoid this guy? The big letdown! After all the bragging you’ll be thinking he’s living the life, however….. Nothing. Probably has none of the stuff he’s bragging about. Real big boys move in silence 

5. Mr See My Body

Let me just say this first, there’s nothing wrong with sharing an occasional body photo or gym photo every so often, but if every other picture of you on instagram or faceboook is about your body then one has to wonder if you have anything else to offer. I mean your last 4 avis or profile pictures don’t all have to be you half naked. We get it.

You’ll see him always updating some gym status, or talking about eating healthy (always) or constantly showing the 6 packs. I mean I like looking o, but after a while he will just come off as doing the most…. Unless of course he’s running a fitness business 

Ok that’s all ladies. I’m sure there’s plenty more types of guys to avoid on these things called social media, and I’d like to hear what you have. So yea, let’s hear it.

What kind of men do you avoid on social media?

Fun Until Feelings: The Unintended Shift From Unattached to Attached

When single and wanting to maintain that status because of desires to have fun; usually consisting of casual or consistent sex and talking to several people at once to boost up ones own morale, while perhaps also gaining sexual and even financial favors are typically the objection for such single ones when meeting someone new. After meeting a new person who the individual may either find physically attractive or otherwise- but because they show interest may therefore be entertained, most likely will be stored as a new phone contact and thus the beginning of regular or even random communication. Mindful of the fun he/she wishes to gain out of the potential “relationship,” motives whether direct or indirect are displayed. In many cases however, what originally was meant to be a distant and selfish relationship based off of fun and games, turns into strong feelings of fondness, joy, and entitlement.

“Catch no feelings” is a phrase frequently echoed by the experienced and careful, which almost serves as a code of conduct when dealing with the opposite sex because it warns against the subconscious development of unintended feelings. Obviously, when single and having fun, the point is not to have a care in the world (while still being safe) and to satisfy personal interests. Any other outcomes like feeling the absence of and wanting to know whereabouts are emotions that having fun avoids, and in the words of Sweet Brown, “Ain’t nobody got time for that.” Clearly, such emotions were never the intention, but when it turns into that, that single person must decide whether or not they can handle that their feelings toward the person they have been casually involved with has changed. Unfortunately, having fun tends to be a selfish course but when two people are on the same page, the merrier. Also, the truth is, having fun does not only include sexual and financial pleasure but going places and doing things recreationally enjoyable.

For those not careful; regular exchange and private time spent can lead to “catching” feelings which changes the initial approach from carefree to concerned. At the beginning when motives are directly or indirectly displayed, which can include being sexually pushy or subliminal about financial and sexual wants, at some point there becomes a different mindset where having fun takes a backseat and one becomes way more involved emotionally, physically and even financially than intended.

For example, a guy friend of mine who never meant for things to have gotten serious with a young lady who because of physical appearance would have never considered anything outside of a sexual relationship grew attached. At first, he like many single guys had a deceptive approach used to convince the young lady into believing he was sincere with mature intentions. His games and way with words were well received and returned with kind and caring gestures, and soon enough, sex. As imagined, for her, sex created a sense of possession over him and she therefore began treating the “relationship” as something worth working on: investing time and energy. Subconsciously, she became someone he could trust and got comfortable around. When he knew of other men trying to talk to her he got jealous and frustrated whenever time spent together was interrupted. However, no doubt were there moments when he was disappointed with where things escalated to but felt it was foul to end it and not to mention, he simply became emotionally attached.

For some, developing feelings are an inevitable result, especially if things are not kept in check. Too much time spent talking, sleeping over, and doing things together only leads to developing feelings. And while some will accept the change or even struggle with it, others find being attached a headache they cannot handle thus finding a way out.

By Ashley I. Okonkwo

Should I choose Man A or Man B?

I have been was in a relationship with a man for three years. I will call him A. We lived together and he wanted to and still wants to marry me. While I started and developed the relationship with him because I was very lonely at the time, I developed feelings for him and to this date, he is my closest friend. The problem that I always had when I was with him was that I was never in love with him. Staying in the relationship felt very emotionally safe and I was happy being with him even though I never felt the “butterflies in the stomach” being with or thinking of him. He felt like a family and I did and still do care about him. And that was what I was looking for – the emotional comfort of having someone next to me who loves me and cares about me.
The missing part in our relationship was the fact that I never felt romantically about him and so two years later, I started sleeping with another man B, which developed into a relationship. I feel in love with B but I have been comparing him with A and this of course has made me see more of his negatives. I am very attracted to him and like to spend time with him. However, when the time came to “go home”, i.e. do every day things, relax and stay home, I would always want to meet with A. A continues to feel like home, like the place where I go at the end of the day to be comfortable, share my day at work, watch TV, or just relax while being silent.
I did not tell A about my relationship with B. Soon, I decided to move out and live alone for some time to figure things out and decide who I wanted to be with. The process of deciding to move out and moving out was very difficult and hurtful. I was and I believe still am in depression about it. I am still keeping in touch with A every day and to be confused as to whether I should marry him. There is so much history between us and I cannot stop worry about him. He continues telling me that he loves me and that he wants to marry me.
I have been seeing with B for almost one year now and he also proposed a marriage to me. The moment he proposed, I started fantasizing how we both will live together and will have children together, and the thoughts made me feel happy. But I also started paying attention to his minuses that I now not like and am not sure whether I would tolerate or accept in a life partner. I also imagined that if we get married, I will have to end seeing A, which made me very sad. So, it has been months now when I have been thorn into the dilemma about whom I should choose. I want to get married and at times I think that if one of them was not in the picture, I would easily say YES to the other one. I am also thinking that if I am confused for such a long time, then the answer to both of them should be NO. However, the thought of not having either of them in my life makes me feel very sad. A gives me love and comfort but I am not romantically attracted to him. I am attracted to B and want to hold him, kiss him, travel with him, have adventures with him, etc. But B is simple, self-centered, immature and often shallow, and when I need a person who understands me and feels what I need and how I feel, I think about A. I feel a very strong connection with A and at times I even feel angry at B that he was the” lucky one” for not making any effort as A made to make sure that I am doing well as I am today.

A: As difficult as this is, you are a lucky woman, indeed, to have two men in your life who love you and want to be with you and with whom you can imagine a future. Although on the face of it, A is the representative of more mature and lasting love, B has the advantage of being the one who makes your heart swoon. Neither would be a bad choice – as long as you committed to the choice you made.

However — I don’t think your problem is who to choose. It sounds like your could be happy with either. The problem as I see it is that you are very scared to make any choice at all. By staying ambivalent and by thinking about the charms of these two men as different but equal, you forestall making any decision. If you delay long enough, one of these guys is going to give up. Then you will have to choose between the one who stayed or no choice at all. Meanwhile, you are being dishonest with both. When either of them finds out about the other, that may decide the issue for you as well.

The common denominator of these possibilities is the result: You avoid making an active choice and taking responsibility for it. Please don’t hear this as a scold. It’s not. It’s intended to provoke you to do some thinking about just what you are doing. I wonder why you are so reluctant to choose. I wonder why taking responsibility for the course of your life makes you stop in your tracks. What has happened in your life that you have reached your 30s so scared of commitment that you let yourself deceive good men who love you?

I hope you will consider seeing a therapist to help you sort this out. Your letter shows you to be an intelligent, thoughtful person who could make good use of some sessions with a sympathetic counselor who would push you to be honest with yourself. You are fortunate to live in a city where there are many therapists. One caution: You could repeat the same dilemma in looking for a therapist; never being able to choose between equally well trained and experienced people. I suggest you talk to your doctor or someone else you trust to get a recommendation and just go with it – at least at first.

I wish you well.
Dr. Marie

Friends with benefits turned into L-U-V”

Friends with benefits — or “FWBs,” as they’re often called — are a hot romantic topic across the pop-culture landscape these days. Many wonder: Can hook-ups and FWBs ever lead to a committed, long-term relationship? According to the most recent Singles in America study (and contrary to conventional wisdom), it seems the answer might be “yes.” In this year’s survey, 47 percent of singles reported having had a FWB relationship in the past (40% of women vs. 53% of men). With a drastic year-over-year increase, FWBs are transforming into long-term romances more frequently than ever before (2012: 44%, 2011: 20%). And 33% of singles say they have had a one-night stand that turned into a relationship.

Those are the facts. But what’s driving them?

Related: How to go from “just friends” to something more

Some argue that the reasons are cultural. FWBs may be more common than ever in our fast-paced world, but the need for love remains one of our strongest desires. While we may step into the shallow end of the pool out of ease and convenience, we soon find ourselves swimming into the deeper waters and forming more profound connections. Others look to science for proof that biology always wins. “A one-night stand leading to love makes sense because of our biology,” says evolutionary biologist Dr. Justin R. Garcia of the Kinsey Institute, who co-authored the Singles in America study. “Casual sex is rarely casual because of the biological and psycho-emotional connections that form [between both people].”

To explore the reasons further, I went in search of the real-life stories behind these compelling statistics. These six men and women let us in on why they think their FWB relationships turned into the committed kind. 

1. “I finally learned to clarify what I wanted from a relationship after my first marriage ended in divorce”
“I was not looking for love after my divorce,” says Marylander Tracy, 37. “Getting out of my marriage had been a hassle, and I just wanted to have some fun. My friends said to ‘be single and mingle,’ so I did — and along came Mark, who is a few years younger than me. It was easy and I felt no pressure, but I was so freaked out about getting into something serious that I kept telling him, ‘I can’t do this.’ Luckily, he was really patient with me. The more I was able to tell him why I was feeling worried and the more he just accepted me and where I was in my life at the moment, the more comfortable I became and the more we communicated — and isn’t that the key to every good relationship? You can probably guess the rest. We’ve been together for a year as a committed couple, and I look at our FWB period as a time of real growth. I learned how to clarify what I wanted in a relationship.” 

Related: What she’s really trying to tell you

2. “Our casual approach allowed us to enjoy a slow build-up towards being in a committed relationship — without all the pressure”
“I’ve had a couple of serious girlfriends, but there was always so much pressure,” says Washingtonian Jay, 29. “At some point, my family (who are pretty traditional) would ask: ‘Are you going to finally settle down with this one?’ I was tired of the hook-up scene, but wasn’t ready to dive into the marriage pressure-cooker just yet — so the only thing I was comfortable with was having a FWB-type of situation with a woman. I definitely got some push-back from girls who figured that I was just another commitment-phobe, but Lisa was different. She was really open to it and seemed comfortable with figuring out what really worked for us instead of giving in to family and society’s expectations. I remember when my feelings changed after six months, and I realized that I had really fallen for her. She laughed when I told her this, and then she said to me: ‘I thought this was supposed to be casual, buddy!’ But after being FWBs for so long, it turned out that she was ready for a more serious relationship, too. It allowed us to have a slow build-up towards something serious without all the commitment pressure.” 

Related: 5 romantic mistakes worth making

3. “Our FWB arrangement was just that — we were true friends who eventually became so much more”
“I always thought of Dan as ‘my fling,’” says New Yorker Kate, 41. “We both work in sales and met each other at an out-of-town conference where we shared a rocking weekend of romance — but we’re both workaholics with super-busy lives. I just didn’t put any stock into seeing him again. We parted ways on friendly terms, but with no plan for a follow-up meeting. I ran into him the week we got back from the trip and we went out for drinks, which was followed by another night of romance. After that, our get-togethers started happening weekly, but they were definitely not what anyone would call a date or on any kind of relationship track. Still, there was something different about Dan. In addition to being a sexy guy who I saw occasionally, he became someone I felt close to — so, our friends-with-benefits arrangement became exactly that; Dan became my real, true friend. And then our friendship blossomed over the course of two years and turned into an engagement. No one was more surprised than I was when he popped the question — and of course, I said yes!” 

Related: 5 bad relationship habits to dump

4. “I responded well to her honest communication about getting into a relationship after my divorce, and we’re exploring our future together”
“I’d recently gotten divorced and was still feeling badly burned by it,” says Californian Bill, 55. “My ex and I had experienced a breach of trust; I wasn’t interested in starting up something new. But sometimes you get tired of being lonely and think, ‘Well, maybe we could just hang out — I don’t have to get emotionally involved.’ I met a woman and told her all of this, and she still wanted to spend time with me anyway. It was refreshing to be able to be so open about where we both were in our lives and not have to feel bad about being skeptical and reserved at first. I responded well to the honest communication we shared. We’ve been together for three years now — happily, I might add! Neither of us feels the need to put a label on our relationship, but there’s love between us. It’s definitely turned into more than just a ‘friends-having-fun’ thing now.” 

Related: Dating clichés that are actually true

5. “He wasn’t the type of man who fit all the ‘must-haves’ I’d had on my dating checklist, but he’s just what I need in a partner”
“I’d planned on marrying my college sweetheart,” says North Carolinian Jenny, 34. “He was from a similar background as my own and we looked like the perfect couple together. But I guess fate had other plans, because he broke off our engagement three months before the wedding. When I was out with some girlfriends a few months later, one of the guys I’d known since high school asked me out on a date. I told him: ‘No, but we could be friends.’ He wasn’t what I’d had on my list of must-haves in a partner at all. He wasn’t the smooth, successful professional type, but I liked his personality, and there was definitely some attraction between us. After hanging out together a few times, the electricity got to us one night, and he stayed over at my place. I really liked him, but I wasn’t sure if this would work out for a few months. Now, we’ve grown pretty attached to each other. He wasn’t the kind of guy I’d have had on my list of potential mates back then, but he is now. Being friends who saw each other casually at first allowed me to spend some time with him and realize the old dating checklist wasn’t so important.”

Related: 6 dating insecurities that keep you single

6. “We met when I was burned out from looking for The One, but after a year of keeping things casual, his patience paid off”
“I was really intense about dating once I turned 30,” says Virginian Todd, 33. “I wanted to stop messing around and find The One before it was too late. My pressure was totally self-inflicted, but it was real. Guys who’d pull the bait-and-switch on dates disappointed me constantly. They’d say they wanted something serious, but then turned into flakes or phonies — or, I don’t know, just not right person for me, I guess. It was when I decided to stop partner-shopping so hard that I finally met Andrew. By then I was too burned out from looking for Mr. Right, and told him I was up for trying something more casual. I look back at that now as my overly protective way of safely sticking a toe back into the dating pool. We were just buddies who hooked up for months at first, but after a year, it became clear that neither of us was going anywhere.” 

Dave Singleton, an award-winning writer and columnist for Match.com since 2003, is the author of two books on dating and relationships. Visit his website, follow him on Twitter, or email him. 

10 Differences Between Girls And Women You Should Know!!!

1. Girls search for rich men while
Woman search for caring and loving men.

2. Girls measure their men’s worth by the size of his pocket; money matters while
Women measures their men’s worth by their level of Wisdom and the fear of God and how disciplined they can be toward their finances.

3. Girls end relationships by breaking up with silly excuses.
Women have endurance knowing that everything happen for a reason.

4. Girls thinks about the present while
Women thinks about the future.

5. Girls love to having many guys going after them.
Women know the law of demand (Cheap things have high purchasers).

6. A Girl takes relationship affairs outside while a Woman keep secrets things secret.

7. Girls demand for money to buy make-ups
Women demand for money to make plans.

8. Girls get hurt by one man and make all men pay for it.
Women know that all men are not the same.

9. A girl is “learning”
A woman “knows”.

10. Girls will read this and get an attitude.
GROWN WOMEN will read this and pass it on to other grown women.

And…..

A real man will drop his comment!

Luxury designer Alexander Amosu creates world's most expensive champagne

Nigerian luxury designer Alexander Amosu has created the most expensive champagne in the world called Taste of Diamonds. The drink costs 1.2million pounds. Converted to Naira it is - N250million, which can get you three luxury duplexes in Lekki. :-)

Amosu created a design which takes its inspiration from the Superman style signature and hand crafted it from 18ct solid white gold weighing approximately 48gsm of solid gold centred by a single flawless deep cut white diamond weighing 19cts. The label is also handmade in 18ct solid gold and weighs approximately 36gsm, handcrafted and engraved with the client's name.

Amosu created the design in collaboration with luxury champagne brand, Goût de Diamants. You can read more about the champagne HERE

People who shouldn’t hear about your love life

Whether you’d like to shout about your amazing new relationship from the rooftops or bellyache about a romance that’s gone wrong, it can be very tough to keep your trap shut about your love life. It’s on your mind anyway, and we can all agree that it’s much more interesting to chat about a horrible date than a summer heat wave or the state of our economy. “People who are dating often spend too much time discussing their new relationships with everyone except for the person they are with,” says Dylan Thrasher, relationship coach and author ofHow to Find and Create Lasting Love. “They should focus on opening up and deepening their relationship with the other half involved with it, rather than people in general.”

Even if you’re sure that sharing your latest relationship angst will lead to instantly bonding and shared laughter with someone, it’s not always good idea to bring it up. Ultimately, you risk looking like a flake and/or getting bad advice instead of getting the desired result. Here, then, is a short list of those who should be kept in the dark about both your crushes and your heartbreak

1. Your coworkers
“Do not discuss [your] love life with coworkers,” advises Maryann Reid, lifestyle expert, author, and creator ofAlphanista.com. “It can become a breeding ground for jealousy and bad advice.” This might seem like obvious advice, but it bears repeating. As people continue to spend more and more hours of the day at their jobs, it can sometimes be tough to maintain personal boundaries that would’ve seemed obvious 15 or 20 years ago. So, resist the urge to spill your guts in the break room or over a long lunch.

“I shared a story from my personal life with a coworker, and she sent out an email telling people my story,” warnsJudi Mason, a life and business strategist in Atlanta and author of the forthcoming book, The Relationship Chronicles: Straight Talk, Real Love, No Drama. “She shared it with people in our office and with people I didn’t know at satellite offices.” While this is an extreme example of how things can go wrong, it’s an important reminder that being professional will serve you well in the long run — and treating your office like a high school hallway will not.

Nils Parker, author and co-founder of Itsuptoyou.net, puts in the final word on over-sharing in the workplace: “Talking about your love life at work also opens the door for unwelcome romantic advances, which hold the potential for following you long after you’ve left that job.” Doesn’t sound like much fun, does it?

2. Your ex
“One person you should never discuss your love life with is your ex,” says clinical psychologist Dr. Julie Gurner. “Whether you share children (and thus have regular contact) or just chat on Facebook, talking with your ex about your love life is setting up your current relationship for difficulties and complications.”

Lori Freson, M.A., MFT, a family therapist practicing in Encino, CA, agrees: “Yes, I know, your intentions are good…you are trying to still be ‘friends.’ Even though you believe you have both moved on, in all likelihood, the emotions are still raw (even if you aren’t aware of it).” Even if your ex asks directly about your current relationship, be vague and change the subject. It can be tough to be evasive with someone who knows you quite well, but if you stick to your guns, your ex will get the hint. It also wouldn’t hurt to say that you’d appreciate it if this person returned the favor by keeping the ups and downs of his or her own love life private.

3. Friends who are unhappy with their own love lives
“Don’t discuss your love life with friends who are unhappy with theirs,” advises Laurel House, author ofQuickieChick’s Cheat Sheet to Life. “Friends who are unsatisfied with the state of their love lives are more likely to put yours down — even when you are excited about it.” It’s possible that your long-single friends would prefer you to stay out of a relationship, just like they have.

Think of the bad advice Bridget Jones’ friends offered up and try to go with your gut instead of manufacturing drama with your over-thinking pals. “Especially at the beginning of new romances, other people’s opinions can have a strong influence on yours,” says House. “I have decided not to pursue really great guys because of a ‘red flag’ my friend [mentioned] that wasn’t a red flag for me. A few weeks later, I still couldn’t get the guy out of my head and I tried to get him back. He was already dating someone else.”

4. Your father
“If you’re a woman, don’t talk to your father about your love life,” says Johanna Lyman, a relationship coach in Cupertino, CA. “No matter how great your relationship is with your dad, he doesn’t want to think of you as a grown woman having sex.” Try to be vague when you talk about your relationships with your father. He’s naturally protective, and even a hint of problems on the romance front will make him dislike your partner. “Don’t bad-mouth your lover to your mother, sister, or best friend unless you are 100% sure the relationship is over,” Lyman advises. “They’ll remember all the bad stuff.”

5. Your mother
“I’d say ‘mom,’ but the person I really am defining is [someone] who knows you super-well and has been around for a long time,” adds Claudine D. Hanani, a business and lifestyle writer based in Southern California. “We all have this person somewhere in the rearview mirror — the one who’s pretty much open to listen, readily shares, genuinely cares for us — but lacks one key ingredient: the ability to see who you are now and where you’re going.”

It’s not helpful to get relationship advice from an individual who still sees you as a teenager or child. The same applies to your lifelong friends; they might remember hearing that you wanted four kids when you were 22 and base all of their advice today on that long-expired goal. That’s not to say that old friends (and even mothers) can’t give good advice — but be sure they see you as you are now before you spill everything and ask for some input.

6. Your in-laws
“I think the worst people to share details of your love life with are your parents or in-laws,” says copywriter and corporate blogger Will Blesch. “I made the mistake of speaking with my mother-in-law about some love-life issues concerning my ex. I thought that since she was my ex’s mother, she would have great advice on how I should deal with a particular problem. Boy, was I wrong! Everything I said got turned around and the conversation turned into a huge, emotionally supercharged misunderstanding.” 

Men: 5 lessons for meeting more women

To the men who are reading this article: There are a lot of women who are very unhappy with you. Really. I know, because as a dating coach, I hear women tell me all the time in the most exasperated tone: “How come I never meet a nice, normal guy? Why do I only get approached by creeps?” You’ve probably heard women say this yourself. So how would you respond to them?

I’m guessing it’s something like: “Nice guys are afraid of rejection, don’t want to bother you when you’re out, and are generally more concerned with the consequences of being embarrassed than with actually meeting you.” It may be true, but, as truth goes, it’s a pretty sad state of affairs. What’s easy to forget is that most women want to be approached by you. By not approaching them, you’re letting them down and allowing the creeps to take their shot. Follow these lessons and the next time you’re out, maybe you’ll prove that nice guys don’tfinish last.

Lesson #1: Assume the answer is yes
Have you ever been sold a product before? Hair tonic, a car, bathroom tile? I can guarantee you that the salesperson didn’t pitch you by saying, “Um, excuse me… I hate to bother you… would you be interested in… I mean, probably not, but—” No! Any salesman worth his commission is not just selling confidence in his product, but confidence in himself. “Confidence says I’m bright, I’m likeable, women have liked me in the past, I’m comfortable in my own skin,” says Victor, 38, a real estate broker. “Since she has to make a decision on the spot, confidence through nonverbal communication makes the best impression.” You can even “fake it ’til you make it” through these two very simple means: Smile and maintain eye contact. And remember: If you don’t know that you’re worth talking to, how would she know?

Lesson #2: It’s not about you
I’m out at a big Hollywood scene with beautiful people. It’s getting late, towards the end of the night, and I ask my buddy Terrance which woman he’s got his eye on. He points to an attractive brunette talking to a cute blonde across the courtyard. Slightly bemused, I tell him that I will make the introduction. As I stride over, I rationalize that if my approach doesn’t go well, she’s not really rejecting me, but rather, Terrance. I know this isn’t true, but it gets me going.

I arrive while the women are in mid-conversation. I say nothing for a few seconds and when they both look at me, I chime in: “You guys just keep talking. I’ll interrupt when I’ve got something interesting to contribute.” And that was it. It wasn’t a line. It wasn’t planned. It just happened. After three minutes, Terrance came over, I made the introductions, and we both got phone numbers. The moral of the story? Playing my little conversational trick in allpick-up situations can be really helpful. Just ask any married friend how easy it is to talk with women when you know that there are no stakes involved. If it’s not about you, you can’t possibly fail.

Lesson #3: There’s power in numbers
Believe it or not, three is better than one. When you approach a woman who is by herself, she knows that you’re hitting on her based solely on your attraction to her. This increases the pressure in a way that doesn’t always make for a comfortable situation. That’s why the safest way to meet a woman is to approach her in a crowd of her friends. Now there’s no pressure, because nobody knows who you’re hitting on, and you can just be the friendly guy who’s chatting with everybody. “If you’re charming, funny or bright,” says Charles, 36, “she might find herself interested in you before you’ve expressed interest in her.” This tilts things in your favor, even to the point where you might be in control. “By charming her friends and getting their approval, the one you like will be that much more open when you ask her out,” adds Charles.

Lesson #4: It’s just that easy
If you ever doubt how simple it can be to meet a woman, this story should inspire you: I was at a party with some close friends and saw an acquaintance across the room. Late 30s, attractive, friendly, likeable. We’d met probably four times before through a mutual friend who was also at the party. When our eyes met, I smiled at her. She smiled back. Because it was a large and crowded room, I put out my index finger and beckoned her to come over to me. She sort of did a double take, smiled even more broadly and came right over.

“Hi,” I said, warmly.
“Hi,” she said, blankly. Then it hit me.
“You have no idea who I am,” I said.
“None whatsoever,” she replied.
“It’s Evan. Evan Katz.”
“Oh, yes — we’ve met! You cut your hair. I didn’t even recognize you.” She gave me a hug. But I had one more important question to ask her before we continued talking.
“Is it really that easy to get a woman to talk to you… just by calling her over with your finger?”
She took a second to consider the evidence and replied, “Apparently, it is.”

So there you have it. We men have more power than we even realized.

Lesson #5: The outcome doesn’t matter
Maybe you’re not her type. Maybe she’s just out of a relationship. Maybe she’s having troubles at work. Maybe she’s not perceptive enough to recognize your worth. You never know why someone may not be interested in you. Truthfully, it doesn’t matter. It’s more diminishing to your self-esteem to let fear run your life than it is to get rejected. Here’s one story below that showcases this in a big way.

So I was in the checkout line at the grocery store, and I was waiting for a woman with 400 coupons. In the meantime, I was talking to the tall, raven-haired cutie behind me. We were making jokes, laughing, passing the time. All in all, a very pleasant five minutes of my life. The coupon lady finished up. I paid for my stuff, said goodbye to my new friend and rolled my cart out the door.

The second I hit the fresh air, I was kicking myself: Dummy! Why didn’t you ask for her phone number? Because I got all embarrassed what with the other people in line and the woman swiping my bar codes. Because of all the other reasons that nice guys wimp out. I decided that this would not do. I was going to wait until she came out of the supermarket and ask her out. And that’s what I did.

“Hey, it was a lot of fun meeting you in there,” I said to her as she emerged with her bags. “I was wondering if you’d like to grab lunch sometime.”

A big smile came across her face. “You are so cute and I couldn’t be more flattered, but I have a serious, live-in boyfriend. But I really want to thank you for asking. You totally made my day.” After she said goodbye, I went home, walking on air, so happy that I did it, instead of wishing I did it, like so many times before. It didn’t matter if she had a boyfriend or if she was lying or being polite or whatever — all that mattered was that I took a big swing at the plate and even didn’t hurt myself in the process.