Is saying “I love you” important?

A lot of women these days have come to expect every man to play the perfect part of a Hollywood or Nollywood romance script by saying the three letter sentence of “I love you” almost every time we are with them like a broken piece of musical vinyl record or a scratched compact disc.

It has gotten to a stage whereby a man who’s not used to it or wasn’t raised to be like that is thought to be unromantic or worse than that because it is assumed that he’s not going to be a loving and caring person.

The make believe world of the cinema has been painting a very rosy picture of its idea of the consequences of saying these magic words and a lot of people are getting fooled into wrong assumptions especially our young women who forget that there’s the scenario where a man will say it without acting it.

Most people assume erroneously that for someone to say these words is for that person to be avowing unconditional feelings of caring about us, while also having a caring and tender softness for us.

They believe someone who says these words is not holding back his emotions and is actually bold enough to not care about a heart break. For a lot of our young women who have been raised with the ideas of the movie world behind them, it’s a must that their partners must say these words at very regular and irregular intervals to assuage those little feelings of doubts that may rear up once in a while in their mind.

They feel saying these words will surely assure them that all is still well in their relationships and that anyone who doesn’t say nor act these words is definitely not in love with them. The truth is that expressing love as an idea of being romantic has many manifestations.

There are so many ways of expressing our feelings that one should not be tied down to just a particular one all because the larger society now expects us to follow the norms of Hollywood and Nollywood. Makebelieve is just as it is and only mirrors the larger society once in a while. Most times, we are dealing with ego when we have to express love in a particular way.

At other times it’s a reflection of our complexes, whether superiority or inferiority. This is because in following the norms or dictates of societal expectations, we will be putting ourselves in a box and when it comes to the affairs of the heart, it’s always better to think outside the box.

We all want reassurances from our partners at regular intervals to show that our commitment to them is not in vain but for me, that reassurance should be beyond saying the words “I love you”.

Communication in any relationship should be beyond verbal.

The non verbal communication for me, is more important because most times when your partner shows commitment to you through his actions, it’s mostly out of what he feels in his heart.

Take this scenario, you adore each other and spend every possible moment basking in each other’s company. He calls you at different times of the day just to ask after your welfare.

He’s always concerned about your future and he goes out of his way times without number to lend a helping hand to securing that future through so many means whether financial, emotionally and or through advice and yet he’s shy or not forthright with verbally expressing himself with the words “I love you” and you say he’s not caring enough because he’s not subscribing to your expectations of how the game of love should be played?

Please get real. Life is not like the movies where every love story ends with the couple living happily ever after.

In truth, there is no greater commitment from your man than he’s doing by dating you exclusively or being married to you alone, sharing his future plans with you while including you in those plans and consulting you even when planning his daily schedule to include those precious little moments with you.

I know that like I said earlier, there’s a tendency for most people to always judge their relationships based on these three words of “I love you” as a yardstick to measuring one’s partner’s commitment quotient, but I stand firm in my believes that while saying “I love you” may be important, it should not be done in isolation of acting it too.


Not as important as acting it

Whenever people talk about the three powerful words in relationships, there must be an argument. For some, saying “I love you” is purely western culture which has crept into our society, while for others, it is a basic declaration which should be made regularly, if love truly exists. For another set of people, the declaration lacks potency where same is not followed up with corresponding action.

There are four basic scenarios to consider, because every relationship can be grouped in one of the four. Some relationships ‘rotate’ the categories the same way we have weather changes (summer, winter, autumn and spring) while some are relatively constant like having winter all through the year (Scary!!!). The four scenarios are: 1. Saying it and acting it 2.

Not saying it, but acting it 3. Saying it, but not acting it 4. Not saying it and not acting it Yes, everybody wants to be in category 1 and nobody wants to be in categories 3 and 4, particularly 4!

Category 3 can be tolerated by people who wish to believe that they will migrate to category one after a while (you know the school of thought that says that the more you say something, the more you believe it and act it). It seems to me that those who categorise the vocal expression of love as western are those who are lazy and dishonest about love and how to prove it.

Men see the importance of saying “I love you” during the chase, then suddenly realize that it is western culture after they have caught their ‘prey’. Oh Please!!!! Whatever you thought to do during the chase, you ought to do much more after the “victorious catch”.

In other words, if you used to say “I love you” during every telephone conversation, visit, and at the end of every sms or bbm, then increase the tempo! I strongly believe that it is very, very, very important, for the health and sustainability of any intimate relationship, for love to be expressed in all ramifications. Say it! Act it! Do it! It is a package and no portion of it should be missing.

Saying “I love you” regularly is a very vital part of that package, particularly for the female folk. You can buy gifts for your woman, give her money, and take her places, but if you do not say “I love you” by word of mouth, she may not feel so loved.

Yes, there are materialistic women that can readily interpret gifts to mean true love, but after a while, reality will set in. Now, remember that I keep using three words “I love you”; not the curt “love you!” which some men manage to whisper at the end of a telephone conversation or the short form “luv u” which they often use to end bbm chats and sms. No! Man, you must say those words in full if you really mean it; not just on the phone, but face to face.

Very important, believe me! Remember, a man falls in love through his eyes, while a woman falls in love through her ears. This is a known fact, so I wonder why men remember this during the “toasting” season and quickly forget it when she becomes exclusively yours. Life is simple; if a man truly loves a woman, he will not only act it; he will say it time and time again.

I do not subscribe to infidelity, side relationships, office romance, etc. But has it ever occurred to you that such relationships are formed when someone gets to hear sweet nothings or receives needed attention from someone other than his/her partner?







If a woman keeps hearing “I love you” from another man, even against her will and instructions, and she keeps going home to her man whose vocabulary is suffering scarcity of the words, it’s just a matter of time… So, Is saying “I love you” important in relationships? Of course. But not as important as acting it!