How To Win The Heart OF A Muslim Lady

1. 'Hi' You met her for the first time, hey! STOP don't stare at her with all your energy.
she will curl back if she discovers your intention at this stage give a welcoming smile.

An exchange of pleasantries is ok. {Don't ask for her number}

2. Get closer to her discussions with other colleague once a while, choose to support her view as much as you can.

3. Never involve your self in religious talks. Just tell her you fancy her religion.

4. Don't be in a rush to touch her.

5. Buy her gifts of what she can't resist, maybe pay her bills after purchase.

6. Make her laugh always...then touch just once her hair saying you admire them.
Don't do that often, then always give a reason to always help her out in an assignment or work..

7. Fit into her live style.

8. Disappear for a while, appear after a while not too soon and of course not too far.

9. If she says anything around ' I missed you' Repeat from No. 4.


10. Then ask her out, if she says no drop it and move on.
If she says yes then take it from there like you would with any other girl. She's Muslim, not an alien.

New Year’s dating resolutions

Resolution #1: Start living in the future
“Stop basing the potential relationship of your future to your relationships of the past,” says Carole Brody Fleet, author of Widows Wear Stilettos. “We have all suffered our fair share of losers, liars, bad matches, and so on. So, resolve to laugh and let them go. Open your mind to the possibilities of your future and don’t automatically condemn someone new based on your past experiences.”

How to get started: Write the names of any painful exes down on strips of paper and burn them on New Year’s Eve. It’s a powerful (and harmless) gesture that can help you start off the new year with a clean slate emotionally.

Resolution #2: End unhealthy relationships, platonic and otherwise
If you’re too emotionally drained from hanging out with toxic friends, or mired in a relationship that’s going nowhere, resolve to get yourself out of them as soon as possible. That’s the plan Charlotte Millot of Gotham, NY chose for herself this year: “I have resolved to end any relationships that are not healthy, supportive, or functional,” she says. She also resolves to stop looking for The One. Wait, what? “The relationships that have been the most meaningful were not the ones that I found,” Charlotte explains. “They just sort of happened. I usually tend to be living my life, enjoying myself... and then one day, I get hit over the head by someone I simply have to be with, who also has to be with me. Our hearts do the dance, and we both take it from there.”

How to get started: Put the focus on doing anything and everything to make yourself happy — and busy — starting on January 1. Take that photography class you’ve been thinking about, play with your pooch at the nearby dog park every Sunday, or join a volunteer group and get to know your neighbors while doing things that benefit your community together. Just set a schedule that includes activities you normally don’t do, and stick to it.

Resolution #3: Get back in the dating game
This one seems obvious, but it bears repeating. If you’re suffering from a broken heart, the best way to mend it is to get out there and date other people. That’s what MaryAnn Lowry is doing — which is no small feat after the end of her 31-year marriage. “I had my last official date in 1975. I never forgot how to ride a bike, so using hypothetical reasoning, it can be assumed that I didn’t forget how to behave on a date and earn a nice kiss on the lips by the end of the evening,” says MaryAnn.

How to get started: If it’s been decades since you handed anyone your number, asking friends to set you up with someone is one way to ease yourself back into the dating pool while avoiding the bars and clubs. However, if it’s a particularly toxic ex you’re hung up on, sharing your woes with a therapist might help speed the healing process before you start dating someone new. Whichever route you choose to take, be sure to avoid your usual haunts; pick places you’ve never been to before when arranging to meet dates for the first time; not only will it help you keep your private haunts sacred, it will also reduce your chances of running into a former flame. And if you’re suddenly single in midlife, take heart: According to current U.S. Census data, one-third of all adults aged 46-59 were single in 2010; you have more contemporaries out there to date now than you might have had in your 20s and 30s.

Resolution #4: Go out more often, and where other singles tend to gather
You’re not going to meet your dream date sitting at home — cute UPS carriers and pizza-delivery types aside. So, make it a priority to go where the single men and women are and start socializing with them. “I’m resolving to go out with my friends during the week more, so we can maybe meet some people we wouldn’t see out on the weekend,” says Davie Alexander of Chicago, IL.

How to get started: Option 1: Sign up for online dating and get networked with millions of other single people you wouldn’t otherwise meet. Option 2: Go out and sit at a restaurant patio or cafe. The wait staff or barista will help keep you company — and, if you ask, he or she might introduce you to other single patrons, too. One more idea to consider: Join a friendly local sports league or sign up for a singles-only tour or trip through your local travel agency (websites like bestsingletravel.com even group experiences by age range and interest type, if you’re not sure where to look).

Resolution #5: Ditch the negative self-talk and deadline pressure around meeting The One
If this isn’t your first time ringing in the New Year single, you might be getting a little panicky about finding love sooner rather than later. “It’s so easy to feed into these self-destructive patterns, but it affords us an opportunity for self-reflection, introspection, and getting in touch with ourselves in a real way,” says Doree Lewak, author of The Panic Years. “Give yourself a break and ease up on yourself. It’s bad enough when we have to contend with external pressures – to marry, to bring that special someone home to mom and dad for the holidays – but to add internal pressure is downright cruel. The less we think (and obsess) about our marriage timeline, the more we’ll let our relationships breathe naturally. And only then can we enable ourselves and our relationships to progress in a real way.”

How to get started: Schedule time for a workout before heading out to meet potential dates (and if you don’t exercise regularly now, consider making it a permanent addition to your weekly routine). New research shows that adding just a few extra minutes to your workout or hitting the gym a bit harder than usual can improve your mood, self-esteem, and ability to deal with stressful social events, so finding time for exercise is a must.


by
By Margot Carmichael LesterMargot Carmichael Lester is a North Carolina-based freelance writer whose work also appears in Go magazine. yahoo

Ten Ways To Make Him Want You Even More

Sacrificing your happiness for someone is a good sign, but only if it’s mutual. There’s a thin red line between sacrificing and suffering in a relationship.

Do you think your boyfriend could love you more?

Or perhaps, love you better?

Most of the time, girls just learn to accept their boyfriend for who they are.

Even though their boyfriends are nothing like the man of their dreams.

And over time, these girls compromise on their own wants and wait for their boyfriend to show the smallest romantic gesture to feel better about the relationship.

Seriously, don’t be that girl.

How to make your boyfriend want you

Every guy has the potential to be the perfect boyfriend, just as soon as he learns to follow the rules.

And it all starts with these 10 tips on how to make your boyfriend want you more and 6 more tips on things you should avoid doing to be wanted by your boyfriend.

All of us take relationships for granted eventually, even if we don’t intend to at the beginning.

But can you really blame yourself or your partner, when either of you don’t remind each other about it?



If you want to have a happy relationship and a boyfriend who appreciates you, don’t compromise on your wants and desires in the relationship just to make your boyfriend feel happy. He’ll start to accept you for who you are, instead of realizing how understanding, accommodating and genuinely nice you actually are.

Sacrificing your happiness for someone is a good sign, but only if it’s mutual. There’s a thin red line between sacrificing and suffering in a relationship.

Understand these tips on making your boyfriend want you and use them. You’ll see the difference in no time.

#1 Look good in his arms. Let’s talk about pleasing your man with appearances first. Guys are shallow, and the physical appearance of their girlfriend plays a big part in his ego and his desire to be with you. Look sexy and have eyes turn towards you when you’re in his arms. If his friends think you’re hot stuff, he’ll desire you and want to be with you more. And he’ll never want to let go of you.

#2 Respect yourself. Your boyfriend is not better than you. Falling in love is a mutual experience between lovers. Have an ego and be confident of yourself. If you truly respect yourself, your boyfriend can’t help but respect you and admire you.

#3 Spend time with your own friends. Make your own plans now and then. Go out with your own friends and feel good about yourself, be it in having a good conversation or attracting the attention of another cute guy. Believe in yourself, and remember that you’re still hot stuff. And the best part, he’ll miss you more when you aren’t available at his beck and call.

#4 Have your own life. Your boyfriend is only a part of your life, not all of it. If you’re always with him or he finds you available all the time, he’ll only take you for granted.

#5 Be a wildcat with fiery passion. Try new things in bed. If you want to know how to make your boyfriend want you sexually, don’t be predictable in bed. Try new things and don’t let bedtime get boring. Enjoy sex and take pride in your passion and interest in exploring sex.

#6 Be a smart girl. Be aware of the world around you, be it on the news or in current affairs. Men always think they’re more intelligent and aware. Prove him wrong, he’ll worship you and take you more seriously.

#7 Play hard to get when he takes you easy. Don’t let your boyfriend ever take you for granted. If you ever feel like he’s taking you lightly, put him in place. It’ll scare him, true, but it’ll also make him realize that you’re not someone to be taken for granted.

#8 Display PDA. Men love it when their girl shows her appreciation in public. It makes them feel desired and lucky. Wrap your arm around him or place your hand on his cheek in appreciation when he’s being nice. He’ll be a lot nicer and he’ll be happy to have a girlfriend like you.

#9 Walk away if he disrespects you. Snub him or avoid his calls when he disrespects you. He’ll be too scared to take you lightly. You’re not throwing a tantrum by doing this, you’re letting him know that you have self respect.

#10 Follow your own dreams. Be passionate about life and your own ambitions. Your boyfriend will never respect you or desire you if all you do is sit wide eyed and stare when he talks about his ambitions and dreams, and have nothing to share in return.

Six things to avoid if you want your boyfriend to want you

#1 Don’t be too easy to get. Don’t be available for him anytime he calls you. Don’t change your plans just to be with him. Let him know that you have a life too, and he needs to take you more seriously if he wants you by his side.

#2 Don’t be a pushover. If he changes plans in the last minute and leaves you in the middle of a date to hang out with his friends, or cancels a date for silly reasons, don’t accept such behavior. If he walks away, call another cute guy and hang out with him just to get back at your boyfriend. It’s the only way he’ll learn.

#3 Don’t be eager to please him. Pleasing each other should be mutual. If you find that you’re the only one indulging in sweet gestures while he just behaves like a slob, put an end to it and make him work for your attention all over again.

#4 Don’t be the first one to make up all the time. This is especially important if it’s not your own fault. If your boyfriend’s taking you for granted, and you find yourself being the one who has to make up all the time, ignore him for a while or give him a cold shoulder. If he really cares, he’ll swallow his pride and come back crawling.

#5 Don’t be clingy and needy. Show off your independence even if you’re just idle and sitting at home. Appear like you’re a girl who can sort her own affairs. He should know that spending even a few minutes with you is a privilege!

#6 Don’t be a bad damsel in distress. Men love a damsel in distress, but only if you play the part in the right manner. Make him feel like a man, but don’t always go trailing him for help.

How A Woman Saved Her Husband

To marry a good wife is one of the best thing that can happen to a man. The story goes thus:

I, Sarah Adams take Lawson Kuti as my lawful wedded husband, to love and to cherish, in sickness and in health, till death do us part” she smiled at him through her veil.
“You may now kiss your bride Mr. Lawson” the Pastor beckoned.
Lawson’s heart raced as he gently unveiled his bride’s face. She looked so beautiful. He gently bent over and placed a soft kiss on her lip. Sarah in turn embraced him tightly with tears of joy streaming down her face.

“Never leave me Sarah” he whispered in her ear.

“I will never leave you” she whispered and they slowly released themselves from the embrace.

“I present to you the latest couple!” The Pastor exclaimed excitedly

The church cheered and Sarah cried more in her husband’s arms

5 years Later
Sarah silently tip toed behind her husband. He was in his study, engrossed in reading. She smiled to herself and gently covered his eyes with both hands.

“It’s just you and I in this house Sara, plus, I smelled you the moment you walked in” He dropped

Sara released her hold, sighed and sat on the study table, “Why do you figure me out so easily? I can’t even surprise you! That sucks” she curled her arms around his neck

“You are my wife, nothing you do is supposed to surprise me” He playfully pecked her nose.

“But you’ve been in the study all day and I’m bored!” She rolled her eyes

“So what kind of fun do you suggest we have then?” He swooped her off the table in his arms

“No! no that kind of fun!” She hit him playfully till he put her down

“Ok”, He folded his arms on his chest, looking into her eyes, “So what do you want us to do?”

“Not us. Actually, all I want is to play with your play station and you’ve hidden it again! Just give it and you can continue your reading. pleaaaseee” She blinked her eyes playfully

“No way”, He went back toward his study chair and sat, “Not my play station”

“Why! You never let me touch it…like its your baby” She sulked

“Well”, he rolled his eyes, “Not like you’ve given me a baby yet”

Sara paused for a moment. Did he just say that to her? The words struck her deep down

“You shouldn’t have said that Lawson…” She managed to say, her countenance changing.

“But it’s true…I’m only saying the truth Sara” He turned to face her, still sitting on the chair.

“The truth? You think I don’t want us to have kids?”

“Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying that…” He stood to face her now.

“Then what are you saying Lawson? Tell me, what is the truth?”

“Let’s not do this today…please. You can have the play station and play all you want. It’s in my footwear locker and the key is in my Bible”

“You always do this…hurting me with your words” Her voice began to shake

“Don’t start Sara please”

“Tell me why you said those words to me! I want to know!”

“Because I’m tired! I want to be a father! I want to have my own kids Sara…”

” and you think I don’t?!” Sara flared, trying not to let the tears pour

“Then why can’t you get pregnant Sara? This is the fifth year we are trying.” He clenched his teeh and walked out of the study.

Sara was in shock. She sat on the chair for some seconds, stood up again and saton the chair again…this time she held on to her blouse and burst into tears.

2weeks after
“Lawson, wake up please” Sara tapped him

Lawson gently opened his eyes and looked at the alarm clock by his bedside, “It’s 2:00am Sara…”

“It’s urgent”

“I’m listening” He said drowsily

“Mother says we should come for tests. She says she’s spoken to her doctor and he said we should come.”

“What?” Lawson opened his eyes now, “Your mother is the UK for Christs sakes”

“Let’s just do it. We can go for the weekend, lets just give it a shot, please.”

“No. That would be rather expensive and…”

“It’s my birthday today and the only thing I want from you is this trip”

Lawson fell quiet now. For the past two years now, his wife’s birthday skips his mind…totally.

“I’m…I’m sorry Sara…It skipped my mind…”

“It always does” She lay down back on the bed, backing him.

Lawson wrapped his arms around her waist, “I said I’m sorry…”

No response.
Lawson sighed, “Fine, we go this weekend”

“Really?” She turned sharply, excited

“If it will make you happy today”

“Thank you baby” She hugged him.

A week after

Sara jerked at the vibration of the phone in her pocket.

“Hi mom!” she pressed the phone to her ear with her shoulders, wiping the washed dishes with her hands.

“Honey…”

“What is it mom?” she pressed it harder

“The result…the result of the tests…” her mother cried

Sarah gently dropped the plate and the wiper, hear racing…”Just say it mom…”

That night
“I can never have children Lawson…” Sara cried

Lawson felt his world crash right in front of him, “W…what?”

“Mama called today…she’s gotten the tests results”

“Jesus Christ” Lawson stood, placing his palm on his head, “b…but you told m you were ok before we got married, you told me the doctor said your abortion didn’t damage your womb”

“Don’t bring my past into this!” Sara flared

Lawson laughed and got serious almost immediately, “You are crazy. I married a crazy woman!”

Sara looked at him in shock, like he’d lost his mind.

“The results say you can never have children and we bith know that this has to do with the abortion you had before we met!”, he flared, “are you happy?…you know we’re screwed right? No kids? what re we going to tell the world?”

“Lawson we can adopt…” Sara cried

“Adopt? Wow!”, he laughed again, “I married a funny woman too!” He got sserious again, “Its still not our baby! The damn baby is not my flesh and blood! You are full of deceit Sara” He looked into her eyes. Sara could see him fighting his tears.

“Lawson stop…you are hurting me…” Sara fell on her knees crying

“You want to know what I’m thinking?” Lawson looked at her with disgust, “I’m thinking how on earth I’m going to stand seeing your deceitful face for the rest of my life”

“Sra cried harder, “Dont give up Lawson…So far I have a womb…I can still carry our baby…”

“I am not giving up on having my baby, I’m giving up on you” Lawson turned around to leave

“Lawson!” She held his feet, “I’m hurting too…”

He only dragged his feet from her hold and drove out of the house. She wept.

A month Later
“Mother, he’s not even talking to me. All of a sudden we are both strangers…He doesn’t eat my food, comes home late…he hates me so much and its killing me. I’m confused…to think that it’s ,e truly hurting…”

“For how long will you hide this truth from him. You’ve got to let him know…you can’t carry his…”

There was the sound of a car hon

“Mom I’ve got to go…he’s back”

“Baby, you’ve got to let him know. It can work when you two are one in mind”

“Bye mom” she ended the call.

Lawson came into the house, about to walk past her.

“Lawson” She held him

“I’m tired” He didn’t want to look at her face

“I know…can we talk for some minutes?” She tried to help him remove his suit

“Look what is it” He jerked from her

“Do you hate me this much? you can’t even look me in the eye? you can’t even stand my sight? Lawson…it’s me Sara…your best friend…” Her eyes grew moist

“I’m in no mood for this” He turned around to walk away

“Don’t you dare leave when I’m talking to you!” She dragged him by the suit.Just then, some papers fell to the floor. Sara quickly bent to pick them up…her hands shook and her body became numb all over.

“D…divorce papers? Lawson?” She searched his eyes

“Answer me goddammit!” She held him by the collar of his shirt, crying

“They are for you to sign. I want out” Lawson dropped

“Y…you what?” she slowly freed him from her hold

“It’s not going to work Sara, can’t you see?”

“Lawson I can’t believe you would think of a divorce and even go this far…why are you so wicked!” she cried, angry

“No! Why are you so wicked!” He retorted, flaring

“Think about me for once. I am a man for Christs sakes. My children are my pride! and you are about to deny me that for the rest of my life because of your stupid mistake!”

“What about me! have you stopped for once to think about what I’m going through”

“Its your cross, carry it” Lawson fixed his angry eyes on his wife

“No, its now our cross and I am not signing those divorce papers! We vowed never to leave each other!”

“Isn’t it better Sara that you save yourself more hurt and sign these papers than to see another woman move into this house before your very eyes?” he said with a tone of sarcasm

Sara’s heart thumped, “What?”

“You heard me…another woman who can help raise a family, so save yourself the stress and sign the damn papers. I need it tomorrow”He turned around to leave again

“She still can;t carry your baby” Sara dropped

“Not all women had abortions. Not every woman was like you.” He scorned

“You are the one who can’t give me a child!” Sara let out, crying.

Lawson stopped now, turned around and walked towards her, “Whatever your plan is won’t work”

“I told you I could never have a child because its you who can’t make me pregnant”

“Shut up! shut up Sara! what the hell are you saying!” He shook her shoulders violently

“You are infertile Lawson…the doctor says you have primary infertility…” Sara burst into tears

Lawson gasped, loosing his balance.

“Mother called me to give me the news. I was shattered, I felt like my world was over but more importantly I thought of you. I thought of what the news could do to you, I thoight of the best way to tell you… never for once did i think of leaving you. I bore your insults, your scorn, because of my past. It was so easy to judge me and think of yourself. I am the one who is hurting, I am the one who should bring some miserable divorce papers…but I thought of you…I thought of hope, faith and a miracle…I thought of my vow to you on that altar. In sickness and in health remember?”, she smiled through her tears, “all of a sudden you are as weak as a baby…looking in your eyes, I can see you sudenly have lost all your guards, You are so wicked”

“Sara…” Lawson fell on his knees, torn.

“No!” She quickly fell on her knees too, “No Lawson…” She couldn’t bear to see him cry

“I’m…I’m infertile”, he cried, “What is left of me?” he searched his wife’s eyes

“Lawson please…” she held his face, “I understand…it has been so hard for me…I have put myself in your shoes since the first day…”

“You don’t deserve this…you deserve better…I can’t believe I scorned you all along…please let me leave you”

“No” she shook her head, “You are my husband. I won’t leave you. I won’t let you leave me…I believe in miracles”

“I’m doomed…Sara I’m doomed…”He allowed his wife take him in her arms and on her shoulder he wept like a child.

In the Morning
Sara gently opened her eyes, looking beside her bed…it was empty. She quickly sat up on seeing a note gently placed on the bed. Hands shaking, she opened the letter to read.

Sara,
I cannot bear the shame. I have treated you so unfairly, yet you love me still, you are with me even in this condition of mine. To think that you knew all along and you never for once gave me a clue that it is my fault we are in this mess, makes me so unworthy of you. I love you enough to let you build another life with a man who can make you happier. I’m torn Sara and all I ask is your forgiveness. I have always loved you and if you truly love me then please start your life over again…without me…I am truly sorry for disappointing you.

Lawson.

Sara couldn’t control the tears. She couldn’t think straight anymore. She picked her cell phone, shaking…

“Hi Mr. Lawson’s office please”

“hI Lola…” she cried, “have you seen my husband today?”

“No…no ma’am, we’ve been expecting him at work. He has a presentation in fifteen minutes”

“Oh God…God…” Sara dipped her hand in her full hair

“Everything ok ma’am?”

“Thank you” she ended the call.

She quickly got down from the bed and in her pajamas she ran into her car. She dialed his number repeatedly as she drove…no answer.

At 2:00pm
She sped into Fred’s compound, a close friend to her husband.

“Fred!” she banged the door hastily till the door flung open

“My God Sara what’s wrong?” Fred held her

“It’s…its Lawson…have you seen him? is he here?”

“No…Haven’t heard from him in a week”

“Oh God” she held her hair

“What’s wrong?”

But she was already walking away into her car.

“Sara!” He called after her.

She zoomed away.

4:30pm
“Mom, Dad, I can’t find Lawson…I can’t find your son…” she cried as she paced in front of the two who looked lost

“You have to calm down and tell us what happened” Lawson’s mother put her arms around Sara.

Sara burst into tears, “Please Dad could you try his number, maybe he’d pick your call?”

“Have you been to his office?” He picked his cellphone and dialed his son’s number

“I have been everywhere I know him to be likely available”

“It’s ok…calm down please” Lawson’s mother pet her

“He’s not picking. What exactly went wrong between you two?” Lawson’s father searched Sara’a eyes

9:00pm
Sara was still in her pajamas and on her way back home, exhausted and stuck in the traffic. She had told Lawson’s parents everything. The poor couple was so shattered and also begging her to begin a new life. Sara buried her head on the steering, crying; she hadn’t realized the green light.

“Hey get off the freaking road!” a driver cursed from behind her

“God please don’t let him harm himself…keep him safe and lead me to him…please God…” she quickly started the car and began to move.

Suddenly she remembered the church where they wedded and took their vows. It was two hours from here; she made a u-turn and headed for the church hoping to find some peace.

She tiredly got down from the car, drenched and exhausted. She trudged into the open entrance of the church. She paused for a moment; shocked…it was Lawson sitting at the front row of the empty church, facing the altar.

“Lawson!” She began to run towards him, happy, relieved that he was ok.

“Sara?” He quickly stood as she approached him, “Sara…”

They both ran into each other’s arms. He hugged her so tightly

“I looked for you everywhere….thi­ s was the last place I thought you’d ever be…I just came and I saw you…Lawson….I’m­ so happy you are ok” she touched his face

“I didn’t know where else to go…It just feels like I cant face the world anymore…” he slowly released her from his embrace.

“Take my hand” Sara stretched out her hand, “C’mon, just take it”

Lawson gently clasped his hand into hers and she took him to the altar and stood to face him. She searched his eyes so deeply and hadn’t seen him so weak and helpless.

“Five years ago Lawson, we both stood on this altar. Remember our vows? Remember you whispered in my ear never to leave you. I told you I wouldn’t…that’s­ why I’m here. I am your wife Lawson, I am meant to be with you forever, through the bad and good times. We’ve had good times, why would I leave you now? All I want from you is to believe that you can still give me a child despite what the result said…I want you to believe in a miracle”, she held his face, “remember when you told me I was a miracle in your life?…our children will be our miracles too. Trust God with me because I know it won’t be long…”

“Who are you Sara…” Lawson was weak with her words

“The one who vowed to be with you till the end” she smiled through her thin tears

“God I love you so much Sara” He hugged her again

“So will you come back home with me?” Sara searched his eyes

“I have no other place to call home” He placed a soft kiss on her lips.

2 years after
Lawson and Sara were on the sofa watching a late night movie. Sara was resting on his shoulders when she felt the movement

“Lawson Lawson, it moved again…don’t miss it this time touch touch” she gently placed his palm on the side of the stomach. Both felt the movement of their child

“I can feel him…I can feel him” Lawson placed his head on her belly

“I can feel him growing each day inside of me…”

“What do you think its saying now by this movement?”

“Thank you dada for believing in me” she laughed. They both laughed “The movement has stopped” he slowly removed his head from her stomach, “I think he’s sleeping”

Sara rested on his shoulders again, “In six months you’d be a father, “You finally got your miracle”

Lawson tilted his wife’s face to him, looking into her eyes, “Sara…you were the miracle I needed. Thank you for not leaving me.”

Sara tickled his nose with hers, “I love you too. Always will”, she smiled, “We missed a whole lot on our movie”

“Movie can wait, but this can’t” He gently planted a kiss on her belly.

http://www.talkofnaija.com

Analysing the African Lady

51. When the time comes to break up with a girl, do it yourself, and do it in person. Let her down NICELY, and always explain why. NEVER ever get someone to do it for you. You may think it’s the way to go, for less tears and just making it easier for her, but trust me, it isn’t..

52. It’s hard for a girl to admit she likes you. So when she does, don’t act grossed out.

53. If you like a girl, TELL her. And don’t be afraid too. In most cases, girls are extremely understanding, and would really like to know who likes her and who doesn’t. It might even turn out she likes you back.

54. Always stick up for a girl, especially if it’s a guy picking on her. It shows a lot in a guy.

55. Don’t mess around with her hearts.

56. If you like her, you like her. If you don’t, then you don’t. Make up your mind, and don’t take ten years doing it.

57. When a girl does something, that obviously made her feel stupid, or embarrassed, don’t make her feel even more stupid or embarrassed. Comfort her, and tell her its okay.

58. Kissing her on the cheek randomly is really cute.

59. Girls get jealous. Very easy, though she might not show it.

60. Ladies think guys are just strong but are will to support him even financially.

61. when an African lady says she is ugly, or fat or whatever, she isn’t waiting for you to agree - She is waiting for you to say, "NO you’re not fat, at all your perfect" or" NO you’re not ugly, your beautiful, don’t ever change."

62. When she likes you, you are all she ever thinks about.

63. Make the first move. Sometimes, the girl is too shy to.

64. If you JUST met a girl, and you’re saying gross sexual things to her, and she says something like, “go die” or “stop talking to me” leave her alone, she means that.

65. If she hangs up on you, call back. If she continue, then you give a break!

66. Act like a real boyfriend should in front of your friends. It DOES impress her.

67. When she crys, hug her. If she pulls away, hold her tighter.

68. Girls love it when guys act shy. (not speaking for all girls)

69. When she says we loves you, 100% of the time, she mean it with all of her heart, and want you to mean it to.

70. When you're girlfriend is sick or sad, stay on the phone with her if you can't visit.

71. If a guy is bothering her, it is your right to look into her eyes to know if she's for you. Never, fight becos of a lady you've not married!

72. Don't stress where you go for every date. She really only want to be with you.

Culled from my Unpublished book Oyebade Obalola Jerry

CARE FOR HER NOW A MUST READ MESSAGE

“My mum and I were good friends
She was my best friend

She had ONLY me and my younger sister
I lost my dad when I was 6
My mum sent me through primary till university and
even paid for my masters She sponsored my lil sister too
She only had primary school education but she was
clever
She was 30 years older than me but we were really
close
She sold her land because of many of our bills and fees
She was the best in the world
Whenever I was sad she was sadder
She knew me inside out
My sister later won usa lottery and left us
Me and my mom became very close On my wedding day, she was crying a lot, I was too
But when I got married I started having problems of
my own and slowly I started to forget about her
Whenever she calls me, I will put up an excuse, I
used to think all I needed was to send her money as
my work and marital worries were stressing She lived in Eruwa, I live in Lagos I ashamedly
refused to bring her to lagos because I think it would
be another worry to me and that maybe my husband
wouldn’t like her despite me not even asking him
I began to distance myself from her, even though I
loved her loads I kept sending her money but was too busy to visit
her in 2years
One day her neighbour phoned me saying she was
ill, I talked to her and I sent money for her
treatments. After some days, a doctor phoned me
saying mama needs attention that she had not been taking her drugs properly and that she had been on
her own for two days without care from people
around her. I was upset I started asking where was
auntie this? and auntie that? And because it was on
Wednesday I couldn’t visit her but told the doctor to
arrange care and that I would foot the bill and I promised to come over on Friday after work. I
arrived Eruwa late Friday evening I couldn’t believe
my eyes when I saw her. She had aged so quickly
and her health was deteriorating.
She was glad to see me, she held my hand and
whispered I miss you. Shame enveloped me It was like i was dreaming that I had not seen her for
2years. That aalone sent some cold chill up my brain
she narrated how much she missed me . She was
weak and I started giving her all attentions I had not
paid her. She asked after my two daughters, again
knowing she had not seen her grand daughters for awhile too is heartbreaking i was dumbfounded as I
could not explain why I didn’t bring them along. She
said it would have been nice to see them again. I left
on Sunday evening cos I had to get back to work on
Monday, thank God she was getting better. She was
being treated at home. As I drove home, it was guilt upon guilt all over me. I started to think about her
effort that made me who I am today. Then I decided
to rent a flat for her within my neighbourhood, I
would get her a personal doctor, and many other
exciting thoughts as I drove back to lagos. On Monday morning, I was told she had died in her
sleep, that devastated me. I cried my eyes out. She
died because she was not taking her malaria drugs
properly. she was 61years.
Everthing that I didn't do came rushing back and hit
me like a crash of thunder in my heart. Please, never leave your parents unattended your attention is
essential, I would empty my account plus move her
down to my room to have her back. Cherish and respect your mother while you have the
chance, money isn’t everything, care goes a long
way” The most painful phrase in this world is ‘HAD I
KNOWN’
I LOVE YOU ABENI WITH MY WHOLE HEART” Remember: we only have one mom. Don't deny her,
start to cherish her today"

It Ends Tonight Part 2

part1 

It ends tonight, thinking to myself. All the guilt and anguish I feel will go with the night. I place my glass of drink on the sink, open my cabinet which doubles as my mirror and take out my sleeping tablets. I open the container and empty its contents into my right hand as I drop the container and pick up my drink. I look at the tablets in my hand, heave a sigh, look at myself in the mirror, close my eyes,pour all the tablets in my mouth and wash it down with the drink in my other hand. I walk to the sitting room and place the glass on the table…………………..

X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X

I open my eyes slowly and as I do so, I can feel sadness and it feels like live has been drained out of a place. I could feel the cold touch of death. I used to think everywhere turns white when you are dead but this place is blue. Blue? Maybe it is the skies. I guess all those Hollywood movies I watched in my lifetime were just lying. I hear voices. Where are the voices coming from? Am I close to heaven? Oh my God! Heaven! The voices are closer now, I must be close to heaven. A smile breaks out on my face. The smile was short lived as the blue surroundings was replaced by a team of doctors. They pulled back the blue curtains screening me from other patients in the ward. It was their voices I was hearing as they are having their morning rounds. They are five in number. An elderly man with grey hair is wearing a white scrub and the other four doctors consisting of three women and a man are in blue scrubs. I guess they are interns.

One of the doctors in blue scrubs spoke saying “Frank Ehinomen, 30, was brought in last night at about 9:30pm by a group of friends who found him unconscious in his living room. He had ingested 27 tablets of Lexotan.“

“His system was purged of the drugs and he has since been in stable condition and his vitals are ok. The drugs were not in his system for too long to cause damage to his liver” added another doctor in blue scrubs.

“You are a lucky man. You should really thank your friends who have been here all night” said the elderly doctor in white scrubs.

“I will inform your friends that you are awake” added an intern as the team moved to the next patient.

X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X

Here I am sitting down at the reception of a psychologist. Before I was discharged from the hospital, the doctor spoke to my friends and I saying I am suffering from depression even though I will not admit it and he asked me to talk to a professional. He even recommended one for me. She is a good friend of his. I did not want to agree before but my friends made me agree as they threatened fire and brimstone if I did not go.

The phone at the receptions rings and the receptionist after talking to the person on the line, drops the receiver and asks me to go into the office. I walk into the office and it has this homely feeling. There is a water dispenser just as I walk into the office. The office is spacious as it holds a large office desk with all sorts of files on it, a chair, a 3-seater couch and an armchair conveniently. The psychologist is on her feet with her hands stretched out to shake me. She offers me a seat on the couch as she also takes her seat in the armchair facing the couch. I sit on the couch and as I look round I notice a picture frame on the wall behind the office desk. She is standing beside a man who I assume is her husband and two children are standing in front of them. She confirms my assumption by telling that it is a picture of her husband with their two boys. I look at the picture again, then it hits me. Her husband 1s my late fiancée’s boss!

To be continued ???

VICTORIOUS MAN i find this song amazing, inspire today’s young ones to reach farther for their goals and believe in themselves against all odds.

More Spice to Your Relationship Tonight!

So, your love life isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. Don’t freak out. Listen, people think that trying to save a failing relationship is really difficult and involves a lot of heart-wrenching conversations about “what things mean” and “how to process your feelings” but the cold hard truth about a lot of relationship advice is that more often than not it solves nothing. We’re an overly verbal culture and shows like Dr. Phil et al convince us that all problems can be resolved through deep meaningful talks. Spoiler alert: they don’t.

Sure they may work on The Vampire Diaries (or whatever guilty pleasure TV drama you shame watch) but when you’re dealing with a non un-dead heterosexual male, they tend to fall flat. No, that’s not because men think differently but because, let’s be honest, deep, meaningful talks are kind of a buzzkill, Especially if you’re dating the strong and silent type. You’ll yammer on and on about feelings and all he’ll feel is bad, or bored. If you really want to save your love life tonight what you need to do is really relatively simple.

Make Some Sexy Food

You can go with chocolate dipped strawberries, your partner’s favorite comfort food, even breakfast for dinner! Whatever works just make sure it’s something you both like that isn’t going to leave you bloated and sleepy afterwards. Not sexy.

Put on Sleepwear That Doesn’t Look Like Your Grandma’s.

This is pretty simple, it doesn’t have to be the naughtiest of Victoria’s Secrets but something that makes you look hot. If all else fails, go for something black and lacy.

Have A (Little) Drink.

I’m not advocating getting smashed here people, because drunk sex, like drunk karaoke is never as good as you though it was. Also: loud and off key. But if you haven’t seduced your partner in a while, a bit of ‘liquid courage’ could help ease the awkwardness.

Massage.

Let’s face it, we’re all pretty tense these days. Ease your partner’s muscles and mind with the ultimate foreplay. Pro tip: get some nice smelling massage oil, it makes the whole thing feel amazing.

Pounce.

Okay, it’s game time. No more preparation just go for the gold. Grab your partner and get on down to make them remember why you started dating in the first place. Yes, we’re talking a good old ‘super-lay’ so bust out those moves you save for special occasions. Go get ‘em tiger, kick that love life into high-gear!



***This patent-pending system is guaranteed to work (if you werk it). So don’t think about it, pounce on your man tonight and show him what he’s been missing***



Then tell him to make you a sammich. Seduction is a lot of work.

Fear in Relationship

Why do we fight with our partners? I’m not referring to small arguments that resolve reasonably quickly with a compromise. I am talking about fights that blow like a hurricane into a peaceful day and leave us broken, exhausted, and confused as we wonder, what just happened?

These consuming and crazy-making fights are generally fueled by unspoken and unnamed fears. Because most of us do not like feeling scared, we have spent years developing strategies to try to control our fear by squashing it or avoiding it. The problem is, fear does not like being forced out of town. It may ride away for a while, but it will come back, with its posse, armed and ready to force us to hear it and take it seriously.




It is often in a marriage or committed intimate relationship that our fear comes riding back into town, ready to avenge us for casting it out. We have treated fear as the enemy, so it has gone into fighting mode. In fighting mode, fear is ruthless.




In fighting mode, fear attacks by pulling us into a dark and catastrophic drama where we become so panicked and terrified that we can’t ignore the fear any longer. For example, perhaps a woman has a deep fear about being isolated and lonely. When this fear hits her periodically, she keeps it inside, trying to push it away. Eventually, the fear fights back, spinning a tragic story that features her husband as the ‘losing interest’ spouse who will eventually leave. Her mind, now controlled by fear, gathers bits and pieces of information that confirm and support this story.

Now, perhaps the relationship does need some work. Perhaps her husband has been distracted and has not been attending to the relationship. Perhaps her husband’s energy is unavailable because he is being attacked by his own fears. As in any relationship, these thorny issues of ‘give and take’ must continually be addressed and worked out.

Once fear has gone into attack mode, however, and the tragic story has been spun, there is no way to deal with these issues in a productive manner. Instead of a respectful and solution-focused conversation, the husband is now locked into the bad guy role. As a result, he may feel so trapped, frustrated and misunderstood that he is likely to lash out or run away from any discussion. This just confirms that he is the villain.




To further intensify the drama, perhaps the woman is now the villain in the partner’s fear-driven storyline. He is now seeing the woman as the demanding and ‘never satisfied’ demon in the story that was created by his underlying fear of ‘not being good enough.’ Now stuck in the demon role, the woman feels so trapped, misunderstood, and frustrated that her own story reaches a fevered pitch of terror. The relationship hangs on the edge of a cliff, with imminent doom and total destruction.
Coping with Fear in Your Relationship

It doesn’t have to be this way. There is another way to deal with fear:




1. Name the underlying fear. Some examples are: Fear of falling apart, fear of rejection, fear of not being understood, fear of being judged, fear of being alone, fear of loss, fear of change, fear of aging, fear of being overwhelmed, fear of your needs being ignored, fear of boredom, fear of lack of control, fear of failure, and fear of helplessness.







2. Tell your partner that you have some fear arising inside of you, and share those fears. Own your fears instead of blaming your partner. For example, say ‘I am feeling afraid of a loss of control of our finances’ instead of ‘You always have to be the boss with our money.’




3. Listen to your partner’s fears. Do not try to minimize, negate or ‘fix’ the fears. Do not try to bully your partner’s fear into submission. Do not belittle, humiliate, shame, and threaten the fear. Do not make snide remarks such as ‘Oh, you are always afraid of something,’ or ‘Why can’t you just relax and be happy for once?’ By trying to run the fear out of town, this technique to try to avoid a difficult conversation will backfire and leave you with a bigger mess.

4. Recognize that your partner’s fears are likely to trigger your own fears. For example, if your partner voices a fear of boredom, you may interpret this to mean that he or she is judging you as not being interesting enough, and you may feel a deep fear of rejection. It is important that you do not take over the whole discussion with your reaction-fear, and leave no space for your partner’s fear. On the other hand, it is also important that you make some room for your own fear, letting your partner know how you feel.




5. Focus on the fear and do not get detoured into specific details of the relationship. For example, don’t let ‘I feel fear of loss of control of our finances’ turn into ‘Why can’t you stop spending money on golf?’ Plan to discuss concrete and practical relationship issues at another time, when fear is not running the show. (And then stick to that plan!)




6. Contain the fears within boundaries. Recognize that these ‘fear’ talks will occur regularly throughout the course of the relationship, but keep each discussion within a reasonable time limit, such as 10 to 20 minutes. Kindly support each other to move on and enjoy life once the fears have been named and heard. Don’t set the boundary with anger and bullying by saying things like ‘Aren’t we done with this yet? Can’t you just let it go already?’ If one person is not done processing, gently but firmly plan for another time to talk the next day.




No one is very good at this. It goes against our lifelong patterns that have been set up to push fear away. Even if we move slowly in this direction, however, it can lead to a triumph of love over the destructive potential of fear, and make the difference between a relationship living or dying. That is not to say that love and acceptance transforms fear into rainbows and butterflies. Even within the arms of love, fear is still raw, painful, and deeply unsettling. But when fear becomes an accepted ‘citizen’ in the relationship, it is no longer the enemy. It’s just the colicky baby that needs your time and attention once in a while.




By DANIELLE B. GROSSMAN, MFT

reasons why African women continue to be fat

Black men are notorious for saying that they like women with a little meat on their bones. So, being five-foot five, 200 pounds can actually be a good thing for black women and a bad thing for everyone else.

Hair: Have you ever heard a woman say that she can’t exercise because she doesn’t want to sweat out her hair? Do you know that by not exercising, every toxic piece of grease, fat and red meat you consume simply marinates inside your body and rots you to the core? I know that’s disgusting, but the point has to be made.

Culture: Black men are notorious for saying that they like women with a little meat on their bones. So, being five-foot five, 200 pounds can actually be a good thing for black women and a bad thing for everyone else. Black women are as beautiful as they come and can carry the weight while still being attractive, but we can’t pretend that obesity is good.

The food we eat: Grandm’s soul food is so good that it tastes better than candy. But that same food also killed your great aunt last summer. Maybe it’s time to consider something else.

We don’t want to talk about it: Many women don’t like being criticized. There isn’t much more to say than that without sounding critical.

more

I wear his ring, now I carry another man’s child

I will take my time to describe vividly how it happened. My strategy is to at least get your sympathy and to let this story run on your very popular and unique site. I didn’t make my story up. The touch of dialogue in my story is only a narrative style I employed as a graduate of Theatre Arts, yes…from the Benue State University. I don’t think I can open up more than this. Thank you in anticipation.

I was in my room one very hot afternoon and in a very acidic mood. I didn’t know what had got me upset. My roommate was sitting right there, but we shared no conversation. We weren’t new to each other but we had just become roommates. She was already familiar with the terrain and the people around, but I had just moved in. I was up, trying to get the room arranged when we heard a knock, and before we could respond, he let himself in…what if we were naked?

“Ehhhhhh!!! Who has these biscuits on the table, can I have one please?” When he got no response, he turned facing me and my roommate, his eyes pleading. “It is mine” I finally said, “you can have some.” Thank you” he tottered as he threw a whole piece in his mouth. I don’t know what attracted me to him at that moment, although I didn’t even show any interest let alone smile at him…but deep down, I knew better. My groins tightened, not that he was so handsome but maybe for his reckless look. “You don’t smile, do you?” his voice brought me back to reality. I simply ignored the question with a wave of the hand. The rest of the time he chatted away with my roommate, picking from their conversation, I discovered he lived within the neighborhood.

Dropping by the apartment became often for him. The first time I was sure he came to see my roommate, but these other times; I just can’t tell who it was he comes to see. Then one fateful evening, he dropped by the house and my roommate had gone out. “She’s not around” I said to him on opening the door. “It is you I came to visit,” he simply said and strolled past me into the room. I was uncomfortable and breathing was hard. We sat on either side of the room and no one spoke, the silence was as thick as the walls of Jericho. He moved from his side of the room towards me where I sat on the bed and my heart froze. He quietly sat down on the bed beside me. He held me on my shoulders and gently turned me towards him so we could face each other. Am sure he knew what his presence does to me. “I like you,” he said as he starred deep into my eyes. I remember those words exactly like it was just this afternoon. “I ……….am engaged to someone,” I managed to reply. “It doesn’t matter dear,” he answered and before I could say anything, before I could understand what was going on, he covered my lips with his. I thought I tried to resist and push him away but no, I heard myself moaning at his touch, responding to his kiss, passionately. He touched me with so much passion, I couldn’t help it but let myself melt in his arms, I forgot everything around me and in my head, not even the fact that my wedding was few months away. I forgot everything. I submitted myself totally and even let him have me, completely. OMG!!!

It was until the show of shame was over that I regretted it, I wept, I felt guilty. How could I have betrayed a man that loved me so much? How could I have lost control without even realizing it? It was work that had moved me to another town from my fiancé and it hadn’t even been so long. After that day, my supposed neighbor and I never saw again, I had put an end to the ‘bastard’ act.

Weeks passed, then I started having strange feelings, and my body was changing. I dared not to think beyond the ordinary, “but I had not started my ovulation period then,” I consoled myself. “I can’t be pregnant,” I hoped and prayed it was something else. I can’t even bring myself to tell my roommate about it, so I took the first step. I went for a pregnancy test. “Congratulations,” the lab technician said as he handed me my test result and I gave him a stare that could send him to his grave, like it was his fault. “But God, it was just one day, one time, one stand,” my heart pleaded with God. Just one mistake and my future is so bleak.

I am in a state of dilemma, I’m pregnant, courtesy ‘the reckless guy’, that was what attracted me to him in the first place, wasn’t it. Now, I curse the day that I met him. I don’t know if I should tell him I’m carrying his baby. I can’t even dare to tell my fiancé that I’m pregnant for another man; he certainly would break up the wedding plans and I’m not ready to be a disgrace to my family. Moreover, God, I can’t even think of an abortion. I’m confused, I don’t know what to do, someone please help me out. I need your counseling.

sources

truly family is forever

This is one story every woman should read Never EVER Talk Bad Of Your Husband To Anyone…Learn!!!

Wow!This is a MUST read story women! Came across this piece online and not sure who wrote it, but it’s a great story with a solid lesson to teach and a reminder to every woman. I know its quite lenghty, but Please continue reading and don’t forget to share…..someone out there might need this!

“Biyi hasn’t worked for that long?” Dayo’s voice drips with resentment. “For real?” “He’s been trying,” I say in feeble attempt to defend my husband. “You know how the economy is.”
…My husband and I had vowed never to bring in a third party into our relationship but with a bank account screaming for revival, I need to share my burden with someone else. I grip the phone. Dayo is unusually quiet. “You still there?” I ask. “Hello?” “I am here,” she says. “I just didn’t know things were this bad. And all this while, I thought Biyi was providing for the home.” But he is, I argue silently. Well, maybe not financially for now, but in every way else, Biyi is a rock. “It’s not that bad.” My words sound frail. Dayo clucks her tongue. “You might as well be a widow.”
The words hit me like a fist. “Na you I blame,” she continues, oblivious to the damage her words have caused.
“Me? Why?” She is blaming me for this? Seriously?
“Why do you keep paying the bills?”
“Because there is no one else to do it,” I protest, upset.
“For real? He drives your car too?”
“He needs it,” I mutter. “To attend job interviews and stuff. He gets back late sometimes.”
“How late are you talking?
“Nine, ten…ish.”
Dayo pauses for a second. “I hate to say this gurl, but your husband spending your money on another woman.” Whoa! Hang on. Where did that come from? “Haba, Dayo. Biyi would never—” “Look, I know men,” she slices in. “You are his moneybag and he will take you for a ride as long as it takes. Where is your dignity, gurl?” Ride. Dignity. Moneybag. Ouch. “But he’s a good guy,” I manage. Can my husband be using me? It had never crossed my mind in the past, but I now wonder if Biyi is actually having an affair.
“I trust my wonderful Dennis…,” Dayo is saying. I barely listen. My eyes are on the clock. It’s almost midnight and Biyi isn’t home. I force myself to hear what Dayo is saying about Dennis Ono, her multimillionaire-oil- company-golden-husband. Gosh I envy her life, her perfect marriage. “My marriage is wonderful,” Dayo says, as if in affirmation to my undeclared words. “But only because I show Dennis who the boss is. He cannot try nonsense with me. Abi, you think it’s easy to get ten thousand pounds a month as pocket money?” She really gets ten grand a month? That’s like, my entire annual salary in my crappy job plus bonuses. Life is unfair. Honestly. “I am Biyi’s wife,” I say. “I cannot just desert him.” Or can I? At this rate… “In that case,” there is an edge to her voice now, “give him an ultimatum. He gets a job in two weeks or you are out of that marriage.”
“I—”
“Look, I know his type,” she says with conviction. “He conveniently won’t get a job as long as you keep dishing out your money.”
“But—”
“Starve him,” she adds. “No sex. Make life hell. You are not an ATM machine.”
Keys jangle in the hallway. Biyi is home. “Talk later,” I say to Dayo. “He’s back.” “Stand your ground,” Dayo whispers menacingly. “Ultimatum. Two weeks.” I hang up with a sigh. My husband is leaning against the door frame. For a second my heart falters. He looks tired, drawn. But Dayo’s words punctuate my compassion. “Where have you been?” Biyi gives me a side smile. “No hug?” I jerk my head at the wall clock.” Its midnight.” “I had a job interview in Birmingham,” he says. “I called you tell you I was stuck in traffic but I kept getting your voicemail. What’s wrong?” I cock my head. Is that a whiff of female perfume? It is. Dayo is right. He has been with another woman. With my car. Spending my money. My head spins. “Biyi,” I glare at him, “Where are you coming from?” He steps back, surprised. “I went to Birmingham—”
“Did you get it?” I screech. “The job?”
Biyi shakes his head. “I didn’t—”
This is the last straw. I wrench my hand out. “My car keys.”
He gives me a hard level stare. “What is wrong with you, Toni? Did I offend you?”
“Pass my keys!”
He thrusts the car keys to into my palm. I push past him, grab my duffel bag and stuff my overnight things into it. I know I am acting crazy but I have to show him that I would not be taken for a ride. That I am not a moneybag. That I have dignity. I zip the bag up and spin around. My husband is staring at me. “Is everything all right with you, sweetheart?”
“Get out of my way.”
“Where are you going with that bag?”
“I need to clear my head.” I am still yelling.
“Can we talk first?” Biyi suggests.
“I don’t want to talk. Get out of my way.”
He moves out of my path. I swipe a hand across my face, smearing my cheeks with mascara. “Don’t look for me. I will be back when my head clears.” I rush out of the house, jump into my car. My rage doubles as the feminine scent permeates the car. He has been with a woman in my car. I feel like an idiot.
* * *
I pull up in front of Dayo’s mansion. Her husband’s Porsche is in the driveway, and the porch lights illuminate my dreary form as I reach the door. I ball my fists to knock, but a scream freezes the motion.
“Kill me!” I hear Dayo scream. “Good for nothing idiot. Womaniser of the century!” Whoa. Momentarily, I am unable to move. My hand hovers in the air. Dull thuds, muffled screams. Dennis curses. “I warned you never to serve me stew that is not freshly cooked!” “Am I your slave?” Dayo yells back. “If you want fresh stew, get your PA to cook it for you. Or you think I don’t know about her? You think…”
Dayo’s words are silenced by another thump. My hands fall to my side as a flurry of blows stifle her cries. I want call the police, do something…anything. But I cannot move. And so I shut my eyes tight and listen as my friend is pummelled by her husband. The beating stops. I should dash to my car, but something holds me back. “I am sorry I got you upset darling,” Dayo finally says. Her voice is laced with pain. “It is my fault. I should have cooked for you. I…Toni wouldn’t let me get off the phone…its her fault.”
“Next time you talk to me like that, I will tattoo a punch on your forehead,” Dennis growls. “Get into the kitchen and make me fresh stew. And do something about that leech you call a friend.”
That is enough for me. I sprint back to my car and drive home.
* * *
A knock sounds on the window. Biyi. I wind down and he gives me a smile. “Head clear now?” he asks. “Leave me alone,” I mutter. Dayo’s wonderful Denis beats her up? And she never mentioned?
“I will leave you alone in two seconds,” Biyi says. There is a twinkle in his eyes. “But first, get out of the car.” I oblige, grudgingly. “What?” He reaches under the car seat and pulls out a small basket. “I didn’t come home straight from the interview. I stopped over at the Perfume shop to get you this.” He hands the basket over. Inside is a range of exotic feminine perfumes and a small card. I pull the card open, read the words: “Thank you for your support during the hardest times of my life! I love you.”
“That’s why I was late,” he explains as he pulls me into a warm embrace. “You have been so good to me, Toni. I couldn’t have asked for a better wife.” I can’t reply. My throat is lumpy.
“When you left the house to clear your head, I got a call back from the recruiter,” he says with a beam. “God answers prayers, babe. I got the job. It’s a package you won’t believe. Let’s go in. I’ll tuck you into bed and you can tell me what’s bothering you?”
* * *
I awaken to a text message from Dayo. “Denis is flying me to Seychelles this weekend. This is what you get when you stand your ground. You have to be a no nonsense gurl! Don’t you just love my life? Ciao sweetheart xxx.”
I type a quick response back: “Ciao! and i deleted her number right away.
Now, this is one story every woman should read. The grass is never greener on the other side, best believe that. No matter how good a friend’s marriage it, NEVER EVER compare with yours. It’s DEADLY and could cost you so much!

by Abimbola Dare

Nigeria Tribalism: A Personal Love Story

My father's generation will never relinquish their tribalism, but my generation has thankfully learned to look forward. When I was 17, a tall, handsome doctor fell in love with me. He left Nigeria, shortly after, for his residency in America, and proceeded to prove how much he was still in love with me by dispatching mushy Hallmark cards every week – to my university during semester, and to my family home during holidays. Eventually, my father could bear it no more. He summoned me for a tête-à-tête. Along with his address, the smitten doctor always scribbled his name on the colourful envelopes, hence, my father could detect his tribe. "You must never get involved with a Yoruba man," my father warned. "They are wicked."

I didn't blame my father for those sentiments. Like most Igbos, he felt bitter and marginalised. And there was nothing much they could do except murmur and rant because they had already fought for secession … and lost. Even though the official verdict after the Nigeria-Biafra civil war was: no victor; no vanquished.

Throughout our childhood, my parents had regaled me and my siblings with a stream of "during the war" tales. Of the endless traffic when every creature in our hometown, Umuahia, was fleeing the imminent arrival of the Nigerian army. After hours of inching along and swallowing his thirst, my father reached for a rusty can lodged in the mud, scooped from a roadside puddle and drank. Of how my mother didn't have much to show for her years of schooling because the soldiers who invaded Oguta ripped her books to shreds. Of when the war ended and the then finance minister, Obafemi Awolowo, declared that each Igbo was to receive £20, irrespective of how much was in their accounts. Awolowo was Yoruba.

But something else happened after the war. Aware that venomous tribal sentiments were behind most of Nigeria's post-independence troubles, our government hatched an idea. Special schools in every state. These would be the best. Fees would be subsidised. They would also have a quota system that ensured as many tribes as possible represented in their enrolment. Therefore, children from the hinterlands of every region would have the opportunity to mix. Lured by the high academic standard on offer, parents rushed to register their wards for the super-competitive exams into the federal government colleges.

At 10, I left home to attend FGGC Owerri. Over the next six years, I shared the same dormitories, ate at the same tables, played pranks with classmates from various ethnic groups. I discovered that not all Hausas concealed daggers with which to stab Igbos, in their underwear; that not all Yorubas were cantankerous traitors. The curriculum also forced me to learn jaw-breaking phrases in strange Nigerian tongues. Outside language classes, speaking "vernacular" was banned. And during morning assembly, all 1,500 students stood erect and belted out our school anthem:


The guns of battle were all silent

The smoke of destruction blown away

The lips of war were sealed

And the scarring almost healed

When our school was born to herald a new day.

Nigeria, we all make thee a promise

To serve thee with strength of heart and brave

To build and not break down

Bury quarrels in the ground

So that those who died may not have gone in vain.

Eventually, the brainwashing was complete. Apart from when my parents referred to Abimbola as "your Yoruba friend", and Rahila as "your Hausa friend", I hardly remembered any differences between us. With this mentality, I applied to the University of Ibadan. Not only was UI widely acknowledged as "the first and the best", but it was far away enough from Umuahia to allow me spread my wings without parental interference. My father went ballistic. UI was in Yoruba territory. "They are wicked," he insisted. Plus, the city had a history of turmoil. Even my mother had fled UI, following the election riots of 1965, eventually completing her degree in the Igbo-dominated Nsukka University. His advice went in my ear and did a U-turn right out. Like most teenagers, I was sure that my father knew nothing about life.

It turned out that he was right; Ibadan was the headquarters of spontaneous civil unrest. And since I was in the midst of many who never got the opportunity to attend a "Unity School" like I did, Ibadan was also my matriculation into the intriguing world of Nigerian tribalism. I met Igbos convinced that everyone speaking Yoruba in the vicinity was conspiring against them. And Yorubas provoked whenever an Igbo dared to contest a school election. And Igbos deserting Yoruba girlfriends in favour of Igbo brides. And Yorubas horrified when offered an Igbo meal. It was all quite pitiful. As Nigeria celebrates 50 years of independence from Britain on 1 October, I'm thankful for the privilege of attending a federal government college; of learning that we all are basically the same. I'm also more determined to keep the promise I made to my country all those years ago: to build and not break down. The smitten doctor has never been back to Nigeria. Last I heard, he was expecting a child from the Yoruba wife he met there in America. Then, in two lavish ceremonies in 2009, my sister got married to a – gasp! – Yoruba man. With my father's approval!

Had the passing of time led him to finally forgive? Of course not. There really isn't much hope for his generation in terms of relinquishing tribal sentiments. Our only hope is our youth. My father was probably just so eager for his daughters to get married that even if either of us had dragged in an orangutan and presented it as our groom-to-be, he would have approved


By Adaobi Tricia Nwaubani

*This piece was originally published in the Guardian newspaper, UK

African Men Will Cheat!

I know a couple of men started muttering when they came across this topic: “what is up with Pamela and these kinds of topics?”. Yes, I know I have approached this topic from several tangents in different write ups -”men like wolves, small house problem etc”. But, I realized, that there is still a lot more I have to say about this. Maybe, this will be my last write up on this, who knows? Okay, maybe till I come across something that ticks me off. Last week, I got a chance to talk to a guy friend of mine who I had lost contact with in years, and he let it slip that he knows that his daddy was cheating on his mother. I remember being in shock at the blase way he mentioned it. I know African men cheating in most of their love/lust relationships isn’t a new thing but the tone that this was mentioned, made me realize that to many African men – CHEATING IS NOT A BIG DEAL! Having to deal with this onslaught of emotions, I decided that I need to discuss this with one of my Kenyan guy friends.    I realized that these two rules seem to be quite true of our men:

a) African men WILL CHEAT.

b)There is a cultural expectation for these men to cheat, as there is a cultural expectation for African women to forgive them and take them back.

At first, I was in shock at this feedback, because I am being told that as women, I should not expect simple givens like trust and ‘fidelity in a truly ‘committed’ relationship. So, my question really, if the situation were the reverse, “should I expect my man to be blase about it?”. Yes, I can hear the chuckles of some of the men at that statement. We know men will not put up with a cheating partner. I would have taken this further and called for an open relationship but that is a topic for another day.

Let’s deal with the basic question: Why do African men cheat?

a) simple answer: because they can and they can get away with it.

b) complicated answer: because they want to explore something extra, greed, insecurity.

Now, back to the main topic at hand: how do you know your man is cheating?

a) He picks up an argument every time – nothing seems to please him. The main reason for this is because, he is looking for an opportunity to connect with his new, “connection with the classic line, I am so misunderstood aka she doesn’t understand me but you do”.

b) Erratic behavior

c) You come across condoms in his car, his wallet or you notice that there are missing condoms in the pack.

d) He suddenly becomes too nice. For example, if you have a miserly man and all of a sudden he starts buying you stuff like there is no tomorrow, he is doing that to assuage his guilt.

e) He doesn’t notice you in your sexy get up aka freakum dress.

f) He suddenly becomes experimental in the bedroom.

g) calls you by another woman’s name during that moment.

h) Spends all his spare time on the phone with a particular female friend.

i) Raises hypothetical questions like, “do you think it is possible to love more than one person at one time?”.

j) wants more sex

k) wants less sex or no sex

l) turns off his cell phone when he’s home or with you or goes outside to make his phone call.

m) charger problems/lost cell phone/lost charger – being the reason you can’t get a hold of him for days.

I will end by quoting an African man who states -”if he’s African,he’ll probably cheat” and if you are a virgin and you are dating an African man – he’s probably cheating.

By the way – men could we change the lines a bit, if I hear, I am so misunderstood one more time – I will literally scream. oh yes, emotional cheating is still cheating.

Of course, women if you know more signs – we will like to know.

That Bloody Condom:My London,My Son

”you can’t be my dad”….”mum, tell this man to get out of our house”…”well, you wanted me aborted, good she didn’t”

….that’s my three year old son yelling at me when I first saw him. Let me take you back four years before this incident, I met shontell in one of my trips to London, I was supposed to go meet my girlfriend in London(which I did actually) but she barely had time for me as she was rounding off high school (what?!...I was quite young too, so no thoughts of child abuse ok?), I met shontell on a bus 12(my London peeps should be quite familiar with this very one),I was eyeing her all the way and quite luckily she was going my way but got off a bus/stop before mine and I followed suit in a blizzery November cold, and as I walked up to her with fears she might raise an alarm about me stalking her (good, that al-mutallab aint known yet, cos I did look that innocent)but surprisingly she said “thot I lost you there handsome”(was dumbfounded, then again its London)


Shontell was (as at that time) 22 years old, couple of years older than I was, worked at the primarks store in Peckham and of a Nigerian-Jamaican decent and lived in a single room along the peckham rye and also an arsenal fan. That first day, she actually did walk me home instead of going to hers and we saw each other more often after that, always went to peckham to wait for her and every day after work, she would take time to show me round London until that very day she asked me to come see her new apartment in camberwell (her parents stay outside London, I found out later that she ran away from home and quit college).the house was very lovely and her bedroom looked movie-like and while still looking around she gave me a wet, warm kiss and asked me to stay the night, I had to refuse her offer because my mum would be worried(unluckily for me she flew in two days before….left to my aunt, she’d understand) and she just walked me home as usual, we kissed again at the stairs leading to my aunt’s flat. Throughout the night I couldn’t get her off ma head and I knew it was just a matter of time


This very day, she called me and said she just called in sick and was down with a flu, I rushed down to her place after seeing off my girlfriend to school (slept over at her house) and on getting in she was stark naked and it looked like she had greases her oversized bum and the tattoo on her lower back glowing, she looked like she just step out of a FHM magazine. I asked her what this was all about, she told me to be prepared for the best sex I’d ever have(better still, ever had). she had everything prepared; chocolate, lube, beers except for one thing “THAT BLOODY CONDOM”. What the hell? (I told myself, little did I know it’s going to fetch me an unplanned handsome boy). she blew my mind (not forgetting my dick too), we did it on the bed, in the bathtub, stairs, balcony and just I thought I had enough, seeing her bum strolling right in front of me I couldn’t hold back and I rammed her from behind and I was about to withdraw just before I came, she begged(literally)me to cum inside of her, hoping she might be on pills, I did make the greatest mistake of my life(life so far!)


After that moment, she started speaking strangely, telling me thank you (but babe, I just fucked you…I should thank you) telling me I have good genes and how she wanted to have my baby…..STOP THERE!!! Did I just hear you say BABY??? Just a month ago, I just ended my teenage years and what? I’m going to be a daddy soon? She calmed me down, assuring me all is well (well players, if a girl tells you that….well SCRAM!!!)We did it twice more after then before returning back to Nigeria. No wonder she opted for my Nigerian phone number and almost a year later, someone called me with a tear stained voice and says “he’s beautiful, you did it! You made me a son, thank you very much….I’m still on hi5 you know?!” I went cold (felt like fainting), I told my mum and she laughed thinking it was one of my jokes, it took a lot of convincing to make her believe my story(not the detail of course!) and I had a fight with shontell(she was vexed, but dint care if I was around to father my child, she just wanted a baby) and just last august she sent me ticket money to come see my almost four year old son, I bought a two-week return ticket and on getting there, she picked me up from Heathrow and drove to her (again!)new apartment and here comes a carbon copied boy (more like scanned, photoshopped and printed copy of me) that looked exactly like me with this silk hair packed in a ponytail (a boy on ponytail?...best thing ever) and the boy yelled out”you can’t be my dad”….”mum, tell this man to get out of our house”…”well, you wanted me aborted, good she didn’t”…what?! Did you teach him that?....then they both laughed, it was supposed to a joke, she asked him to come hug me, I knelt down and picked my boy and tears from nowhere started to fall.


She told me she had named him Kennedy, that even made it more touching but told me I can have my life and marry who ever I wanted provided I call and come to see my son from time to time and begged me for another one…”NO..Not this time” but we still had sex and this time I was strapped…and to answer the question of guys asking how that place (you know where now?!)is like after birth…feels the same!!!(Probably even better)


NOTE: no matter how tempting, the time, date, people and places depicted in this memoir are fictitious (or just might not be!)…not like you guys care right? But just maybe a shontell exists and I have a son already…..you might never know!!!

It Felt Good At Every Point In Time Part III

…it felt good at every point in time and amidst my tears I felt good till I saw a head throbbing out of the blinds and a voice saying “oga NEPA don bring light, I wan switch over”….oops

Ok now I’m screwed(literally an d figuratively), why is this happening to me?guess what? His head was still in the blinds staring hard?then my dad quickly wore his trousers and dashed to meet him outside before he could make a run for it and spill the news and met him halfway before th gate and brought him back into the house calmly and I sat there naked and confused as my dad proposed and proffered solutions and surprisingly the stupid no good son-of-a bitch asked stupidly for my dad never to sack him(unless he leaves willingly),increase his allowances and surprisingly my dad should impregnate his daughter and he should have sex with me also….what?!!!
My dad choked him in the neck and swore he’d kill him right there and the stupid fool said “who’s gonna open the gate for madam if she return for five o clock?” it was already 4:24pm, logically if my dad killed him now, how fast can he dispose of the body? And seriously who will open the gate? What explanation will be given to my mum for his failure to open the gate? He has been with us even before I was born and only travels few times in a year to go impregnate his wife and my dad did agreed on his terms except for his sleeping with me and then he just decided and said “DO IT!”…what?!!!
Then my dad asked me to cooperate(few hours ago I was a virgin, curse you Eunice for lending me that porn) before my mum gets back,not like I had a choice, I slowly closed my open legs at the sight of his enormous penis, now I’m scared yet I still don’t have a choice. He drove so deep I could feel my intestine giving way and on staring at the “kondo” I notice he had just gotten halfway inside me and then a rush of pleasure and pain shot straight from my spine straight to my brain…I had just climaxed and the pain did not make me wish for more.then as he slipped off the condom he was using, my mum’s horn went blarring and we all scurried off to make things look right and I noticed I could barely walk…a sharp pain throbbed my inner thighs so my dad had to bring my clothes to me
My mum walked in with my siblings and the lawyer and also invited the gateman in…then my heart skipped, had he spilled the news?what could be happening? She(my mum) sent my siblings upstairs and said we all needed to talk and the gateman had to be there…now I knew we were busted…”he made me do it”…I said, and my mum cut me short before I could even start confessing and said “don’t care what you and ur dad have been up to,this is far more important”…for the first half of her sentence, I almost fainted and I couldn’t wait for what was more important than my father having sex with me then she said
“I know you all are wondering why I brought Mr. Olumitan our lawyer to our house, I wanted to clarify some things, first I’m filing for a divorce largely because I feel neglected and also because I have been having affairs with people!!!”
Just when you think that was too hard to swallow and I was having the worst day of my life, then she continued
“secondly, this man is not your father…he’s more like a foster dad to you funmi”
All of a sudden I felt happy, at least it wasn’t my dad that just had sex with me then he can pay for his crimes and then she concluded
“the so called gateman is actually your father and also ur brother and ur sister belongs to someone else…your so called father seem to be impotent after I took some of his sperm to test it after subjecting myself to therapy and expensive fertility test which the bastard dint even pay for and blah blah blah blah”
The rest sounded like blahs in my ear….before I blacked out
Need I tell you that my life never remained the same,I am a stripper at la caliente even though I have money and guys running crazy for and around me, I don’t think I want another penis ever again, I have a girlfriend I love and a story worth telling the world…and did I tell you I had both my dad(I find it hard to call him something else) and the gateman(my useless real dad) killed and asked their penis be put in a jar of formalin for me….anytime I need to calm my self down I just stare hard at it…..and the sight of revenge can be soothing…all I had to add when returning the jar back to the safe is “I hate you daddy!!!”  SOURCE