I currently live in the
UK and I am married to the most loving guy that I can ever think of, trust me I
have been around so I know the attribute of the word "most loving
guy" though all is not perfect at the moment but the dilemma now is that I
am stuck between my mother, myself, my husband and our four months old baby and
I really think I have made a very serious mistake courtesy of mother and all
her advice.
I have known my husband for close to 12 years
and of which have been married now for 2yrs. Unknowingly to my husband I had a
baby for my secondary school love just after I finish my SS3 exams in Nigeria,
and with the help of my mother we were able hide this from everyone apart from
my immediate family because my then boyfriend denied the pregnancy and my
mother did not want word to get out the her most precious teenage child has
become pregnant.
To cut the long story short, I gave birth to
my first baby girl in a very small town in one of my mothers numerous friend's
village, and my mother flew me abroad shortly after, and my baby was given to
an Orphanage home near Port Harcourt run by again one of my mother numerous
friends. Anyway, that was such a long time ago now cos I am now a hard
working girl living in the United Kingdom with a very good job at a blue chip
company, and my baby girl Uju who is almost 13yrs old was brought up at the
orphanage until she was six years old, then my mother who had moved to Lagos
return to PH, and adopted my little girl and even till today my little girl
doesn't know her mother she think my mother is the God sent woman who rescued
her from the Orphanage and she is a good girl, she lives with my mum in PH as
my junior sister and she calls me her elder sister.
I forgot to add that a childhood history
is very similar to this, through my childhood I think my mum had at least four
husband or live in partners, I have four siblings and only the two eldest are
apparently from the same father, and all our fathers abandoned us and do not
want any thing to do with us even to this day after establishing contacts with
them when we grew into adults, my mum says they were all bad men but now that I
am much older I am beginning to doubt, she has always told us that our father
absconded when they was no money but that was until she started telling us who
our real father is, I only knew mine two years ago and I have made contacts but
my real father is not interested at all, even to meet me or talk on the phone
talkless of my mum, but my mum said that he has always been a bad man and that
it is because she loved all of us that made her bring us up all alone by
herself when all the men in her life left for dead.
As
I was saying, in my early childhood I also was sent to the orphanage till about
the age of four years before I was brought to a new house with my mum and
siblings and we were calling my mum "aunty" because she had told her
current boyfriend/partner that we were her own younger siblings and she had
lost her own parents and was charged with the responsibility of looking after
all five of her younger brothers and sisters (three girls and two boys).
Things became OK for a while until my mum's boyfriend found out and
accused also her infidelity, my mother's boyfriend who we used to call Uncle
threw all of us in the street in the full glare and jeers of the whole
neighborhood, that day remains one of the most embarrassing days of life till
date.
My
eldest brother once told me that they have had to deal a lot more than myself
in regards to my mum lies being found out that my own father whom I never
really knew also threw all of us out the house because our mum was found out of
the same lies and that was why I was sent to the orphanage because they were
homeless at some time, and that half of the people I called my uncles then were
actually our mum's sleeping partners and they (my elder sibblings, I am the
last btw) used to hear when they were having sex with mum, and if they tried to
confront her that mum used to beat the hell out of them and send them out to
look for food and not return until they have money for food and school fees.
The
funny thing is that I have sat down and looked at my mother life and I do not
want to have that kind of life, today my mother can be said to be very
comfortable but I do not think she is very happy, I think she is very lonely
and unhappy though knowing my mum she will never admit and its the same with
all her numerous friends, they are all sad and unhappy with their current
situation, some have been accused of their husband's death to take over
properties, the others either their husbands have left and never returned or
nonchalant to their well being, then with all their children being totally
disrespectful to them, all having problems in their own lives, its either one
is in jail in a faraway country or the other one has been jobless for ages or
still no husband after countless suitors would come, have numerous failed marriages
or its either one thing or the other and out of all my mothers children I am
the only that seems to doing OK, and this is mainly because of my husband, he
has always been there for me from when I arrived in the UK every other
person including my siblings agrees except my mum and she has always been
trying to cause trouble between myself and my husband saying he is not good for
me and that he is using me even after having a baby for him who is just four
months old now, my mum is indirectly telling me to leave my husband of two
years that me and my four months daughter will be better off without him and
that I will have grave consequences in the future if I do not leave him on time
that I will always find someone else that will love me more.
Please
readers tell what I should do, should I tell my husband that the little girl
that I told him was my younger sister in Nigeria is my daughter or should I
keep mute, please don't forget the first daughter does not yet know that I am
her real mother. I know my husband very well and I think he will never forgive
me nor will he forget and the way he acts sometimes makes me think he may
already have had heard some of these stories about my mum because he has always
been a very respectful person but now he doesn't have any single respect for
mum and sometimes extends to myself, I know his trust for me has greatly
diminished that makes me think he is still in this marriage only because of our
four months old daughter, I am beginning to think he may be suspecting some
things especially with my mum's background because its like he can see through
my mum and I am also beginning to think that is the reason that my mum is
trying to break us up before the truth comes out to save me from the kind of
embarrassment she received the numerous times that she was found out.
My
mum may be a lot of things but I still love her dearly and I think I will still
always love her.
I
know telling my husband this will greatly hurt him, but I don't want to
hurt him that much also I don't want to lose him if he finds out or should I
just enjoy while it lasts, last time I have similar situation like this was
when I was in the university but then we were just lovers, I cheated on
him numerous times though he never caught me red handed but sometimes out of
the blue he starts throwing hints here and there that only if he knew of my
affairs that he would know of such things and I could not help but confessed to
him, this damaged our relationship for a very long time and he was out of my
life for a while then things returned to normal, he forgave me because he
thought I told the whole truth and no secrets, he made me swear that I am not
hiding anything else from him, the way he said it was almost like he knew about
my past but I took a gamble and did not spill, he just smiled and said I love u
then we got married shortly afterwards.
He loves our baby girl so much that I am
afraid the truth will deprive this young baby the enviable love of her father
when the truth comes out, just like I myself lost out on my fathers affection
due actions of my mother and I do not want this to continue to my daughter.
Please honestly what should I do.
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